Life before and after social media

[Pinkbutton85]

The first social media platform I remember was Bebo and MSN. I was just after the MySpace craze. Then along came Facebook, but right when it started and no one really knew what it was. Then twitter. Then Instagram. We won't talk about google+...

But fast foward to now and I'm struggling to picture life without it. I really want to come off SM for my mental health, but have anxiety over how I would stay in touch. Isn't that stupid?!

Have any of you come off for good and still remained 'in the loop'. I'm a SAHM in a rural area. I do use Whatsapp but don't talk to many.

How did you find life post social media?

[yearinyearout]

I haven’t given up social media but I do waste far too much time on it.
The question I’d like to ask you is why is it affecting your mental health to the extent you want to give it up altogether? As someone who lives rurally, there are positives to using it, it helps you to feel less isolated. Maybe you should consider what it is that’s affected your MH and deal with that issue?

[Jellyonawonkyplate]

I've just severely cut back on SM. Don't mind Instagram but not using FB much, checking in now and again. The weird thing is, since I've taken a step back, I've realised how contrived and shallow FB actually is. When I do check in all I see is people ranting, posting pseudo-intelligent debates, being all 'look at me, my life is brilliant, na na na na naaaah'. It makes me cringe.
I've also noticed walking around, how many people are glued, scrolling through their phones. It is scary and makes me realise I've done the right thing. I think we need to start reconnecting with life again, rather than through a screen!

[AllesAusLiebe]

I’ve never been on Facebook, I have a Twitter account but don’t post. All that I use it for is football news. I don’t have Instagram or Snapchat.

I’ve coped perfectly well, but what does annoy me is that since I had DS, it seems that almost everything to do with classes, activities etc is published on Facebook. I’m starting to feel a little isolated by it for the first time in my life, so I totally get where you’re coming from.

[MargotLovedTom1]

Are you actually communicating with people via Facebook, or do you mean 'staying in the loop' by reading their posts and seeing what's going on even if they're not addressing you directly? How is it affecting your mental health?


I guess my point is that if you're good friends with people then they'll switch to communicating with you on WhatsApp if you're not in FB any more. If you're actually more on the outside looking in, and it's affecting your MH, then it's probably a good idea to come off it. If people don't then bother to stay in touch after that, then are they really good friends anyway?

[MargotLovedTom1]

I don't use SM but spend too much time nosing on here!

[Makegoodchoices]

I waste way more time on here than Facebook and so on.

I’ve got the screen time thing on my phone and am getting slightly better. But it does make me think what I could achieve with the hours!

[OnlineAlienator]

I came off facebook - just cut that cord and deleted my account. I was worried about it..........but i havent looked back! Dont miss it one little bit. I'm still on twitter but dont get notifications or have the app and just dip in when i fancy.

I think facebook in particular is s really shitty format that keeps everyone spying on, and arguing with, each other. Twitter just moves on.

[whatacrapusername2306]

It’s all false. The boasting, the editing of photos, the fake wonderful lives. I do have instagram, mainly to keep an eye on my teens. I’m glad it wasn’t around in my teenage years. I think alot of young peoples MH is to blame for it too. They can ‘speak’ to their friends all day, without actually physically talking. It’s a sad reality.

[Huntawaymama]

I got rid of most social media. I loved instagram but realised that I wasted too much time scrolling. Husband and I would be watching a film but I'd be paying hardly any attention as I played on my phone. I wanted rid of Facebook but I've kept it as I've loads of baby things to sell and also because I see what's on for kids. Businesses don't use newspapers anymore to advertise so I use it to see what's on. My best friend is getting married next year and I'm hoping to get rid after her wedding, they'll be loads of pics put on I'll want to see.
years ago people got mobiles so we could be contacted when out and they're good for emergencies but intend to leave mine at home when I go out, I much prefer enjoying the moments to filming them

[MarthasGinYard]

I was an earlyish user of FB 12 years ago pre smart phones etc.

I came off around 9 years ago after moving and having zero internet for months, and its something I've never wanted to re kindle.

My DP has never been a Social Media person. We are quite unusual I guess we don't even use WhatsApp.

MN is literally my only vice.

We have a dcand I do get slightly annoyed when cubs tell me 'you need to get on FB so you get all the updates' or school parents say 'join the WhatsApp group'

Which I find quite amusing as most of them just moan about all the numerous stupid updates and can't remove themselves

My DN is 16 and literally glued to her phone taking selfies constantly.

Exhausting to watch

[Zywk]

Thing is, if you're not on facebook you are effectively isolating yourself from everything. I'm not on facebook and it means I don't find out about any school events.

People will also think you are an oddball if you tell them you are not on facebook.

[MarthasGinYard]

'People will also think you are an oddball if you tell them you are not on facebook.'

Now that I'm quite chuffed about

[Zywk]

I don't mind being thought of as an oddball but if you deliberately isolate yourself people will think you odd. My dc don't get anyone coming to school plays, assemblies etc because I don't know they are on. They also missed out on school residential trips because I didn't know they were on. So now they are the oddballs too.

[MarthasGinYard]

Dc school isn't a social media type place thank goodness.

They send out emails and a booklet with all need to know stuff on and even letters....very antiquated.

Cubs is annoying though as it's been cancelled a couple of times and we've turned up but we don't know because we aren't on FB

They now text/email

[Adversecamber22]

I was on FB from the start .

I came off it for various reasons, my friend was seriously depressed, he confided in me and to an extent DH but painted a different picture on FB. I actually felt very upset by that.

The environment I worked in meant people were always trying to out do each other intellectually. I got sick of people trying to point prove by quoting the most obscure philosophers they could muster. I worked in higher education and there was a lot of professional jealousy in the last dept I worked in.

I came off it and my life is no worse for it. I was never on it for school stuff. I helped at PTA events and had and still have school gate friends and our dc are now in sixth form and managed without.

I was in a group chat for a hobby using another app, good grief the utter drivel spouted on that made me irritable as hell. I left that group and am in another chat, these are great they only message when there is a specific reason. So instead of 50 messages a day where probably 5 would suffice I get just the 5 messages.

[IveGotAlpen]

I love not having social media. Gave up Facebook about 7 years ago and gave up Instagram last year. No twitter.
My only vice is mumsnet.
It definitely helped my mental health a tonne when I gave up Facebook. It was difficult in the beginning but after a while it was a breath of fresh air.

I probably do miss out on social events etc but now if I want to know if anything is going on I just search up websites (for example gigs and shows)

I did loose a lot of people I used to talk to on social media but then I think well if they really cared for me they would text me .

My mental health is so much better, I have a difficult mental health issue and get triggered by really strange things. For example if I saw something on Facebook that annoyed me or upset me it would lead to me having a breakdown about it and being emotional. So yes , lol better for me.

[IveGotAlpen]

I look at teenagers now and think how different things were.

When I was young you'd make your plans with friends at school . It would be ' meet me at the skatepark at 2 on Saturday' and you would turn up hoping they were there 😂 or you would have to ring their house phone which was on a cord and everyone could hear your conversation hahaha !

I do miss those days.

[Nanny0gg]

@Zywk

Your DC school only uses FB to communicate with parents? No emails, snail mail?

I'd have a problem with that.

[TillyTheTiger]

I have kept all my social media accounts, but recently deleted all the apps. So no more notifications coming through, and I have to make the effort to go on the internet and log in to each account (I deliberately log out each time)... I'd say I've gone from checking Facebook and Twitter every 30mins to once a day, if that. I've also started leaving my phone and iPad downstairs to charge when I go to bed, which stops mindless scrolling before I go to sleep. I'm definitely feeling the benefits of being less connected, although I have missed an event I would have loved to go to because I didn't get a notification. Small price to pay for a better balance though.

[Asta19]

I joined FB in the early days but never got into twitter and instagram. Now I don’t really use FB either. I only keep that profile as there’s a lot of memories on there and I have some friends and family abroad and I keep in touch with them through it. I don’t see MN as social media, it’s a discussion forum which is different. But yes “online interactions” are mostly MN for me now and that’s enough. I don’t want to have to update people on things. If I go somewhere nice I want to just enjoy it and any photos I take are for me. Not to post online and say ooh look at me! I don’t have small DC so no requirement for me to keep updated on things for them.

If it’s affecting your MH then yes, cut down at least. With FB I know you can deactivate your account but it does stay if you want to reactivate it at some point. So maybe just take a break if you feel that would be good for you and see how you feel afterwards.

[NeverSayFreelance]

Oh my god OP I was thinking exactly the same thing only 10 minutes ago. I also was a child of Bebo and MSN, and whilst social media drives me mad, it's also how I keep in touch with all my friends. I don't know what to do

[FancyPantsMcGhee]

I am on FB only (no Twitter or Instagram etc) and I don't find it affects me negatively because it's very restricted to:

• clubs/groups for the DCs or me
• local businesses I'm interested in (local cafes etc)
• friends/family who I really care about
• no one who posts crude, inflammatory, rude, braggy stuff or things I might just completely disagree with (for example something anti-immigration)

It allows me to keep in touch with what's happening locally, and see people I care about are up to and that's it. I've also got the notifications turned away down so it only notifies things I'm tagged in, events or friends birthdays and it doesn't send an alert to my phone.

I'm a bit mystified by the appeal of Twitter and Instagram, it's not for me.

I do waste far too much time on MN and wish I didn't.

[Zywk]

I am the only parent not to be on facebook and the only one expecting them to make a special effort for me.

Everything goes on facebook, except annual reports.

[BertieBotts]

How does it affect your mental health? Can you change the way you use it?

I have come out of most groups as I was mainly finding myself arguing in them or being annoyed by the content. Then some groups I stayed in but "unfollow".

I unfriend anyone whose posts irritate me or who I don't want seeing my stuff. If I go through my friends list everyone on there is someone I genuinely like.

My main issue is losing too much time on it so I've done a couple of things to combat this.

On my phone, I haven't removed the app completely but I have removed all shortcuts on the home page. I have to actually go into my list of apps and find FB. On my home page I have useful items and a picture of DC and then if I scroll through the home pages (android) I have widgets of useful apps like Calendar, Bullet Journal, Shopping List etc. Reminding me of what I should be doing rather than wasting time on SM.

Also an app called RescueTime, syncs between phone and computer, reports back to me how much time I'm wasting on various websites/apps, and what times of the day. That's scary and makes you think.

A browser add on called ToDo I thought about adding, replaces FB feed with a to do list you have to tick everything off before you can browse.

Are your friends you want to keep in touch with local or far away? If they are local, consider setting up a regular meet once a week/month/etc. Or if you don't set it up officially stick it on your own calendar to contact X and get together. If they are far away, rediscover the lost art of the phone call - it was my new year's resolution (though I have only done it once ) to phone a friend for a chat. That's what we used to do, it's usually surprisingly welcome, you can always call someone back if it isn't a good time and as a bonus you get much more personal with someone over the phone than the surface image they portray on FB. "It's my new years resolution/a lent exercise to phone people rather than being glued to FB" is a good excuse if you feel strange about calling out of the blue.

[Decemberly]

I de-activated Facebook about six and a half years ago - partly as I wanted to remove it as an option for contact with my recently ex-bf; but also because it was around the time that Facebook started showing you what friends of friends were doing and I was fed up seeing every trivial aspect of the lives of friends, acquaintances and now strangers - and yet on another level was weirdly enthralled, which disturbed me.

I de-activated my account rather than deleted it, in case I ever wanted to go back - but I never have, and don’t miss this it at all based on the reasons above. I moved on to Twitter where I was very active, and then to Instagram, but have since deleted these too.

I agree with the OP that SM is potentially damaging to mental health, because of camparisions to others’ ‘perfect’ lives, and also because it is difficult to avoid negativity that you would otherwise avoid in real life, such as toxic friendships and exes.

The only thing that tempts me to consider Facebook again is that I recently became a first time mum, and feel like I am missing out on a lot of info for baby groups and events. I don’t want to miss out on things for my baby because of my SM aversion. Likewise, most businesses have a Facebook page, and often you can’t avail of it fully unless you are actually signed in to Facebook. Facebook really has managed to be successful in that regard, in that it has infiltrated all aspects of life and for those of us who don’t want to participate, there are limitations.

I do sometimes consider starting a new Facebook account with strictly no friends and only use it for group and business pages, but I wonder if these would be feasible or whether once you are on there, all the stuff I originally wanted to avoid will seep back in.