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To complain to my 16 year olds out of school activity. Aibu to be angry!

(15 Posts)
NoviceCadetMum Tue 26-Feb-19 23:19:31

DD is just 16 and has some SEN. She hasn't much confidence and has had a shit time at school recently so having something to give her confidence is important.

She attends an out of school activity which has junior leaders who lead some of the activities. Before she started due to the nature of the activity I checked it was suitable for her needs. On a lot of occasions the adults are in a separate room which I wasn't aware of but the kids are all high school age.

Last year DD had some issues with a junior leader who everytime they are in a mood takes it out on them.
This leader had threatened to damage a piece of equipment purchased by us if it wasn't in perfect state as someone had done it to them. The junior leader has also threatened others with this. We got past this and DD settled and has come on leaps and bounds, the adult leader told us he could see something in her and she was due to progress to another level very soon as a result .

This week a much younger person at the club has told DD that the junior leader is knocking their confidence as everytime they try something new it's not good enough.

Tonight the junior leader has pulled DD out Infront of everyone in a strop and made her do something which involved a lot of co-ordination over and over again faster and faster each time to a point that they were shouting again before DD had finished the first time until DD got upset. DD has amongst other things Dyspraxia and processing issues.
When they moved onto the next activity the junior leader has continued to single DD out telling her basically she wasn't doing good enough.

DD has come home humiliated, in tears and very very upset and is refusing to go back.

Aibu to be angry that the one thing that she enjoyed and gave her any confidence has been ruined.
Would you report even though DD won't go back?

janetforpresident Tue 26-Feb-19 23:22:44

I would definitely report. Sorry for your ddflowers

oldowlgirl Tue 26-Feb-19 23:25:12

Definitely report - that behaviour is out of order!

Jamhandprints Tue 26-Feb-19 23:25:15

Definitely report it. Say that junior leaders need SN training if they're going to be in a position of authority. So sad for your DD.

MrsJayy Tue 26-Feb-19 23:26:57

Your poor Dd the JL sounds horrific report them to seniors your Dd is being bullied

Jamiefraserskilt Tue 26-Feb-19 23:29:12

Yrs. This should be about building confidence not busting it up. This Sounds like a power trip for the junior leader who needs to be brought to task over their behaviour.
Be specific and factual and very concerned about bullying behaviour, especially as your dd has sen and they are belittling her as a result.

Chickychoccyegg Tue 26-Feb-19 23:29:40

what a shame, your poor dd, definitely report this awful bully

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty Tue 26-Feb-19 23:36:07

Report. That is absolutely inappropriate and I'm so sorry for your DD x

ChasedByBees Tue 26-Feb-19 23:38:14

Yes I’d report. flowers

ChakiraChakra Tue 26-Feb-19 23:41:11

Definitely report. The junior leader is clearly not competent or safe.

Italiangreyhound Tue 26-Feb-19 23:45:16

Please report it straight away.

I hope your dd will go back and this junior leader will be disciplined or asked to leave. You are not overreacting and are totally right to be fuming.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild Tue 26-Feb-19 23:49:49

Rotten horrible person .

YANBU OP Junior Leader sounds like a horrible PE Teacher I had at school . Well known, olympic winner, but if you didn't like PE she didn't like you ,
Hope DD is ok .

ReanimatedSGB Tue 26-Feb-19 23:51:11

Junior leader sounds like a bully who needs stepping on hard before they get worse. Unfortunately some abusive people seek out jobs which will allow them plenty of potential victims (whether that's people they can belittle and scare to feed their own egos, or worse.)

ReanimatedSGB Tue 26-Feb-19 23:53:07

And what's this about threatening kids with damage to their belongings? That's a serious red flag for an abuser (despite the fact that some MNers think it's OK to damage their DCs' or partners' belongings to compel obedience or 'respect', it's never acceptable).

IncrediblySadToo Wed 27-Feb-19 00:23:13

I’d have reported it when she was threatening to break the equipment.

Talk to adults, tell them everything. Ask the one who said DD was ready to go up a grade to contact DD and talk to her. Hopefully she’ll go back, especially if she thinks the younger girl wants her to be there for her too.

I’d be absolutely furious & for them to do their upmost to get DD to go back.

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