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To ask why people let their DCs sleep in the same bed?

(442 Posts)
amrscot Tue 26-Feb-19 22:54:58

I have a couple friends who let their 2, 3 and 4 year olds sleep in their marital beds every night.

Personally I don't understand the reasons behind it and think surely it can't be good for a relationship in the long term.

AIBU to ask others thoughts on this?

Pishogue Tue 26-Feb-19 22:56:51

Let me see. Could it be the difference between sleep and no sleep?

Mammylamb Tue 26-Feb-19 22:57:20

We do it. Otherwise we would get no sleep

Not sure why it bothers you though

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 26-Feb-19 22:57:45

Have you asked them? They’re more likely to know the reasons than we are.

amrscot Tue 26-Feb-19 22:58:07

@Pishogue but wouldn't it be better to try to persevere with the child to get it to sleep in its own bed? Surely this would happen after 2, 3 or 4 years?

RickOShay Tue 26-Feb-19 22:58:25

Why don’t you think it would be good in the long term?
Why do you care?

Areyouongluedear Tue 26-Feb-19 22:59:03

Because I’m tired as shit and can’t be arsed to keep waking up hearing a whiney “muuum-meeee” every few hours.

MmaMakutsi Tue 26-Feb-19 22:59:11

grin at ‘marital bed’. Are you stuck in the 1950’s?

amrscot Tue 26-Feb-19 22:59:13

When I've asked they have no apparent reason for the child sleeping in their bed instead of their own

elQuintoConyo Tue 26-Feb-19 22:59:57


Just make yourself a cup of tea and have a little think yourself.

<Christ on a rubber bike some people are dense>

Mammylamb Tue 26-Feb-19 23:00:40

They might have reasons but think they are none of your business

sleepwhenidie Tue 26-Feb-19 23:00:50

You know it’s possible to have sex in places other than in bed at night, right?

Sleep deprivation isn’t good for relationships either.

It can be lovely to snuggle up with your little one (especially if they aren’t the wriggly/elbowy type)

Why do you care?!

NuffSaidSam Tue 26-Feb-19 23:00:56

Because everyone sleeps better that way
Because they are attachment parenting
Because they like it
Because they want to

I really wouldn't worry about it. Worry about your own DC and your own marital bed and be done with.

burbleburble Tue 26-Feb-19 23:01:23

Unless they go to bed at the same time as their children, I'm sure they have the opportunity to enjoy one another, and are quite adept at finding suitable (child free) locations. DH and I sleep in separate rooms as he snores, and I don't cope well with being woken repeatedly through the night. We're also maximising sleep, I doubt we're that unusual.

Pishogue Tue 26-Feb-19 23:01:54

Did you go around and ask questions with a clipboard? Damn them and their inability to produce reasons!

DippyAvocado Tue 26-Feb-19 23:01:57

To get some sleep! DD is actually a better bedfellow than DH. DH sleeps in another room.

Sizeofalentil Tue 26-Feb-19 23:01:58

Our 14month old sleeps in our bed because it's the only place she'll sleep. And yes, we've tried everything.

I hated it at first, but now I really enjoy the extra cuddles and snuggles I get from her. Especially as I'm back at work after maternity leave.

Re: relationship - I don't get what you mean? If you mean sex, I think dh and I have more than a lot of couples we know with similarly aged babies: we're less tired and sex becomes more of a priority as we have to plan it to some degree and do it earlier in the day when the baby is off having a nap.

BirdieInTheHand Tue 26-Feb-19 23:02:00

I did. It's easier than getting up in the night. Everybody sleeps.

PS you know you can have sex other than in the marital bed you know?

Kintan Tue 26-Feb-19 23:02:18

Why would it not be good for the marriage? Surely not being sleep deprived would make your marriage happier! It’s only for a few short years - you never hear of a15 year old who sleeps in with their parents still. Honestly OP if I were you I wouldn’t give it another thought - they probably don’t understand your reasons behind not doing it either.

SweetheartNeckline Tue 26-Feb-19 23:02:21

"Marital bed" grin

Because it seems perfectly natural to us, we all get more sleep and we all like it?

MadameJosephine Tue 26-Feb-19 23:02:24

Why do they need to give you a reason? My DD sleeps with me because she prefers to and I’m happy to let her, I don’t need to justify that choice to anyone

janetforpresident Tue 26-Feb-19 23:02:29

Why is it anything to do with you. I have friends who are vegans, friends who are atheists, friends who do extreme sports,smoke, ride motorcycles etc. These are all things I don't do/understand but I don't start a thread

amrscot Tue 26-Feb-19 23:02:34

Don't know why some people are so touchy confused

Asked for opinions lol

angelikacpickles Tue 26-Feb-19 23:02:41

My 4 year old comes into our bed almost every night. He slept there all the time until he was 3.5. Now he has his own bed but he comes up at some stage during the night. I don't notice him coming in, so other than sitting up awake waiting for him, I'm not sure what you think I should be doing.

When he was a baby, he was a terrible sleeper and would wake constantly in the cot. His older sister was much better at sleeping in her cot.

donajimena Tue 26-Feb-19 23:03:56

In my non-marital bed I hosted my eldest until he was 3. I actually got sleep that way. As I was working there was no chance of fighting it for a few nights. I need my sleep. Even if I hadn't been working I still would have carried on.

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