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AIBU to think this is a horrific way to speak to your daughter

(40 Posts)
Greenwichgirl25 Tue 26-Feb-19 21:02:53

We were at a family farm/activity place during half term. I was sitting waiting for my husband when I heard this woman beside me say very clearly and very threatingly to what looked like an 11 yr old dd that if she misbehaved one more time she would remove all her clothes right there including her knickers and make her walk around that way for the rest of the visit. I was completely gobsmacked tbh. They moved away but about 10 mins later I went to retrieve my ds from the trampolines and heard a child crying and begging .. it was the same girl and her mother had hold of her zip on her hoodie and was removing it all the while hissing for her to keep her hands down as this was happening. She took it off her and then said next time it will be another piece of clothing. AIBU to think that this is serious emotional abuse?! To use humiliation as a threat to control your child seems just sick to me. I'm now upset I didn't say anything but as I hadn't got any way to report her I didn't know what to do. I'm still horrified by it as the child sounded so desperate and afraid it seemed like this had happened before.

Shoegurl1 Tue 26-Feb-19 21:04:49

YANBU!! I’m sure am empty threat but that is a horrific way to speak to her child. Poor girl

MaybeMaybeNotJ Tue 26-Feb-19 21:05:05

That sounds awful!

Dreamzcancometrue Tue 26-Feb-19 21:10:38

That is utterly disturbing!

boredboredboredboredbored Tue 26-Feb-19 21:10:56

That's terrible!! I was walking to my local supermarket recently and overheard a woman (I presume to be the child's 'mother') just ahead of me say to the child "shut the fuck up, otherwise there's going to be some serious fucking trouble when I get you home". I felt so so sorry for the child who was probably no older than 7. Can't help but wonder if she says this sort of thing freely in public what is she like at home.

So sad.

LovelyBranches Tue 26-Feb-19 21:11:36

Yanbu. Poor girl. My own mother was pretty good at simultaneously humiliating me and shaming me for my own body and an incident similar to this remains in my memory decades later.

I hope the girl is ok tonight.

Stompythedinosaur Tue 26-Feb-19 21:11:57

That is awful and abusive.

Merename Tue 26-Feb-19 21:12:05

Oh that is awful, yes I would see that as emotionally abusive. I’m not sure confronting her yourself would help necessarily but an option would be to follow her to her car and contact SS quoting her licence plate, they can get info from police. However unfortunately with all the cuts in this country at the moment, without further evidence, SS may be unlikely to be able to act anyway. It could be that the family are already known though and a report could add further evidence to an existing picture. It is difficult to know what to do in the moment with situations like this though isn’t it.

Chocolate35 Tue 26-Feb-19 21:15:21

That’s disgusting! Really really awful behaviour. No one learns by being humiliated! Poor girl. It’s heartbreaking what some children have to go through.

Cantaana Tue 26-Feb-19 21:16:33

I'd go as far as contacting both the police/ss and the farm. Id provide both if them with a detailed description, date and time and account of what you heard. You can only hope they paid by card or drove in and were seen by the camera. It makes me feel ill this child was so scared, and I realise it's hard at the time and you wish you had acted, but I think you should try and do something anything about it now. They might not find her but they'll have more if a chance if you report it.

Stinkytoe Tue 26-Feb-19 21:17:45

What kind of sick individual dreams up that as a punishment.

That poor child.

emmaluggs Tue 26-Feb-19 21:21:44

What a tough thing to witness. I lived opposite a woman and I saw her in the shop with her little girl, screaming at her ‘I wish you had never been born, you’ve ruined my life’ was tough to witness and I did intervene but I was absolutely livid, I got a mouthful back but other people in the shop stepped in. I did feel incredibly guilty that I possibly made it worse for the girl when she got home. That same night though police actually entered her home as her and her BF were having quite a physical argument, and I never saw them again. I do hope everything is ok with the girl

dutysuite Tue 26-Feb-19 21:22:56

Sounds awful and I would have said something to the mother about how sick she was. I wouldn't have been able to contain myself. Poor little girl, I can't imagine what hell she must have to go through at home.

StillMe1 Tue 26-Feb-19 21:32:52

This seems to be the way some parents speak to their children. I have seen it quite a few times. I would be loathed to speak out to some of these parents. They seem quite vicious. I don't know how children cope in those circumstances.

CarolDanvers Tue 26-Feb-19 21:37:22

I've experience of similar but I honestly thought it was a very isolated and unusual incident. I'm actually astounded that other parents use this method of punishment, two accounts here, the OP and the other person on this thread. Am honestly very shocked to read this.

Ohnonotuagain Tue 26-Feb-19 21:39:33

I'm speechless! That poor child.

TiddleTaddleTat Tue 26-Feb-19 21:42:32

OP, I agree with the previous poster and recommend you try and recall any identifying details and report this to the farm or SS. Granted, it's highly unlikely that they will be able to trace the family in question but you never know, and it might unburden your conscience somewhat - clearly it was upsetting enough for you to witness that you are still thinking about it days later.

Takethebuscuitandthesink Tue 26-Feb-19 21:42:39

YADDDNBU that is the hight of weirdness

EmeraldShamrock Tue 26-Feb-19 21:43:15

My old friends father used to beat her naked even at 13, he started to sexually abuse her at 14. I would report it somehow.
Would the farm have any cameras, the police can get her image from, hopefully the car registration they travelled in.

looondonn Tue 26-Feb-19 21:45:28

Dreadful !!!

I called the police not so long. Ago as a father took a branch off a tree to beat his 6 year old for misbehaving at school
Poor child is misbehaving because parents are threatening to send him to Jamaica !! He's prettified
Police came as boy was shoved in car and they drove off

Heart breaking
Poor innocent kids

Takethebuscuitandthesink Tue 26-Feb-19 21:48:01

Reporting is a great idea they shouldn’t be allowed to get away with this. And this was in public imagine what they do in private

stopfuckingshoutingatme Tue 26-Feb-19 22:00:58

Really disturbing

But what’s the point now? You should have intervened . Easy to say I know

WatchingFromTheWings Tue 26-Feb-19 22:13:37

Poor kid. My mother used to regularly threaten to pull our knickers down and smack our arses in public. She'd do it in the house so we were always terrified she really would do it in public. She did grab us by the hair and smack our heads together in the supermarket once. If anyone saw nobody said anything.

RoseGoldEagle Tue 26-Feb-19 22:21:43

This is awful. Out of interest to the posters who say they experienced similar- if a random adult had said something at the time, would it have helped in any way? I always wonder if it would make a child/teenager feel that at least there are people out there who think it’s wrong and are on their side, even if it doesn’t change anything, but then I eqally wonder if actually it would just embarrass them and maybe lead to a worse punishment later.

StillMe1 Tue 26-Feb-19 22:31:42

@RoseGoldEagle I would be worried that if an adult spoke up in a public place to a parent who was verbally threatening and abusive to a child it would cause the child to come in for more abuse. I also worry about if this is the public face of the abuse it could be worse when at home. I would not like to think I (or another adult) had made things worse for a child.
I spoke up once and it was not a good outcome.

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