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To think there is literally nothing i can do???

(81 Posts)
goodfornothinggnome Tue 26-Feb-19 18:15:59

I am 28 years of age, and am trying to find a job. It is intense because it brings to the forefront of my mind how absolutely useless i am.

I will struggle for all manner of reasons, I have no friends or family that dont share my last name so Ive no idea what I will do for references. I have worked in the joint business between myself and my husband purely with paperwork but have been sick for the past almost year, so even thats non existent.

aside from that I have no useable skills. Im not very smart, im now painfully shy, have Generalised anxiety disorder, have OCD, depression, am overweight and I have a shockingly low self esteem. I am working on all of these things, currently in CBT for the OCD I am working on losing weight and i cannot afford counselling for the self esteem issues i have.

I have completed some studies, i have worked with animals, i worked within the beauty industry, and even in construction, ive worked as a cleaner, Ive worked as a 111 advisor, Ive worked in Mcdonalds, i failed at it all.

I got to a point where I literally said, fuck it, I will throw myself into managing the family, and do what i can with our business BUT i want something that will enable me to feel like i am actually contributing to something, and also our finances.

Ive got further into my rut what with being at home each day all day on my own until the family are home.

Ive recently started looking again, but I literally cant find anything that I feel like I can do. Ive applied for carers roles and i keep getting turned down. Ive interviewed for travel agency jobs, ive applied to work in local libraries, I have also applied to work in travel agencies... i have an interest in travel.

Just hoping maybe someone can say theyve been here and found somewhere that they fit in. I dont want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. Its my dream to get a job where I can go to work, feel like i am competent- even if its just working at a supermarket or something....where I can get a wage each month to put towards our bills.
I just feel like a massive drain on our families resources.

Any advice I would gratefully receive.

Singlenotsingle Tue 26-Feb-19 18:18:19

Decide what you're interested in in and study for some qualifications?

goodfornothinggnome Tue 26-Feb-19 18:22:53

I have got qualifications, I have them in IT, but i was rubbish, did the same to work in the beauty industry and construction. It seems that training literally makes no sense because i fail anyway. Ive come around to the way of thinking that if I can set my sights quite low that i have a chance of achieving.

MIdgebabe Tue 26-Feb-19 18:25:38

I think finding work and contributing and supporting yourself are excellent goals. You need to work out How /why have you failed in the past?

itsbritneybiatches Tue 26-Feb-19 18:26:55

You write and explain yourself well.
Have you been into any recruitment places?

Ragnarthe Tue 26-Feb-19 18:27:21

When you say you failed at other jobs what do you mean? Did you get sacked or did you decide you weren't doing well and leave?
I find it very hard to believe that you aren't good at anything. I'm absolutely sure you are good at something, it's just a question of finding your niche. I bet your family don't think you are rubbish.

MereDintofPandiculation Tue 26-Feb-19 18:28:03

It appears you don't need an immediate job for financial reasons. To overcome the reference side, do voluntary work for say 6 mths, and then they will be able to give you a reference.

itsbritneybiatches Tue 26-Feb-19 18:28:36

What I mean is, your a bit down on yourself. Your obviously not stupid with the way you write and have explained things.

Have you thought about being a carer?

ScreamingValenta Tue 26-Feb-19 18:29:20

What went wrong with the jobs you've previously tried?

Mysterycat23 Tue 26-Feb-19 18:32:12

What do you mean failed?

Failure isn't some sort of all encompassing disease

CarefullyDrawnMap Tue 26-Feb-19 18:34:30

Things can go jobs with wrong. Tell me.

Teateaandmoretea Tue 26-Feb-19 18:35:32

Well you're highly articulate for a start 😊.

I'd start with temping agencies and if you've had jobs then you can get references even if they are the basic 'x worked here from y to z' type.

username80001 Tue 26-Feb-19 18:35:52

Well your talking yourself down aren't you ?
When you say fail you should say I've given different things a go . At least you've tried .
Your 28 that's young have a think about what you want to do and how you are going to do it .
To succeed you need to fail .

funnylittlefloozie Tue 26-Feb-19 18:42:03

Ok, there is actually something to address here, because round here people who can't speak English get carer jobs, so for you not to be able to get a carer job suggests there is something that needs to be improved in the way you present yourself.

You're clearly not stupid, since you have qualifications in multiple industries. Have you tried going to a job agency and seeing if they can place you?

Dont stand there hunched over, with your hair all over your face, apologising for your very existence. Stand up tall, fake some confidence. If you dont need the money urgently, i second the suggestion of doing some voluntary work to get you back in a more positive mindset.

Best of luck!

MaggieAndHopey Tue 26-Feb-19 18:43:35

I agree with a PP that if you're completely at a loss about what to do, a couple of different voluntary roles would be a fab place to start and to get some experience on your CV. I also agree that you express yourself really well in writing.

However, I think your main issue is that you've got stuck in this story you're telling yourself about your life. OK, you've tried some things in the past, they haven't worked out. It's worth reflecting on the factors involved so you know what you can work on or avoid in the future. But stop giving yourself such a hard time. Would you talk to a friend like that? No. So don't treat yourself that way.

itsbritneybiatches Tue 26-Feb-19 18:48:03

Fake it till you make it op.

I read the secret. Now it might be a load of old shit but it worked for me at the time.

Why don't you go online. Apply for everything that takes your fancy.

You can only win it if your in it grin

daisypond Tue 26-Feb-19 18:49:08

In what way did you "fail" at the jobs you've mentioned? They're quite different sorts of jobs.

contestingtheages Tue 26-Feb-19 18:54:55

What do you mean by 'fail'?

Could it be that your confidence is so knocked when something doesn't go right or you make a mistake, that you interpret that as a failure? And decide that means you have failed at that job?

Maybe you need to be able to see 'mistakes' as part of a learning process. Make a mistake - learn, move on, as a manager said to me.

I'm only saying this, because I am like that myself and I know it has held me back. I always got massive anxiety before going to work- it didn't always fade during the day. I need to work on this, I know.

lifeissobusy Tue 26-Feb-19 19:01:14

Why not do some volunteering to help with building your confidence and they will also be able to give you a reference when you want to apply for jobs.

Holidayshopping Tue 26-Feb-19 19:04:36

How exactly did you fail?

What specific qualifications do you possess?

ravenmum Tue 26-Feb-19 19:06:09

Sounds like the anxiety and low self esteem are the main problem here, I would bet that you are giving up (in your head) at the first sign of failure, and/or giving everyone else the impression that you are no good at the job, purely because you feel that way. It is a horrible vicious circle to be caught in. I did a fews rubbishy jobs as a teenager/young adult that made me feel the same way.

As a result I'd advise you to focus on getting hold of some money somehow in the short term, and then using that money to get counselling so that you can actually get a proper job you might feel a bit good at later. What went wrong with the cleaning? Have you tried Tesco?

Have you been on medication? One that works? I found that incredibly helpful, not just to reduce the anxiety while taking the medication, but also because of what I realised while I was on the medication and was thus able to think and reason more clearly.

Actually what strikes me from your OP is that you are very matter of fact, not whinging, not getting us all down but just stating the facts as they are. I bet there is quite a determined and strong person in there somewhere.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Tue 26-Feb-19 19:06:36

Is there any aspect of each job you enjoyed?

Bluetrews25 Tue 26-Feb-19 19:12:24

If you've had DCs you will have fed, watered and cleaned up after them - not so very different from being a carer. Why not try a nursing home based carer job rather than a racing around from place to place one? They are always in demand. Not well paid, mind you, but if you can be kind to people you will be appreciated. I'm sure you can be kind!
At interview, focus on what you CAN do not what you can't.

itsbritneybiatches Tue 26-Feb-19 19:50:56

How you feeling now OP?

YeOldeTrout Tue 26-Feb-19 19:54:12

I want to know about the failure. How do you know you're a failure at cleaning, for instance.

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