To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)(295 Posts)
Hi everyone...first time poster, long time stalker here. My life is pretty boring so never had anything of real substance to moan about on here but finally something I and ask you lovely people is IAMBU...
Now obviously I won't change the locks. I have a 4 year old and a 7 week old so it would be far too much of a bother (and mean I have to stop cuddling the kids to do it).
So...DH, MIL, SIL and her DH and 5 DC (yes 5) all live in a 5 mile radius of us. We moved from London 10 years ago and they all liked the area and to my horror have moved here. DH thinks it is great but as you can imagine I am distraught (feigning total trauma here).
3 days ago I went out on my own with my 2 DD, it was genuinely stressful due to discovering that my 4 year old had taken all the nappies out of the baby bag midway through a nappy change. Thankfully a mum was waiting outside and took pity on me and gave me spare nappy...angels do exist.
So frazzled and stressed I arrived home and opened the front door...to be met with 5 kids in the playroom that had been totally ransacked (oldest is 12 and was literally throwing things across the room). The utter shock must have been all over my face as when I walked in the living room all 4 of the adults started making excuses about the state of the house. oh they are just kids, they will tidy up, they are just excited...etc...etc.
I could feel my face getting red and then I look at my BIL and see he is eating the dinner I had put in the slow cooker and in the corner of the room a box of chocolates I had bought as a thank you to my neighbours had been opened and half eaten.
I am now very ashamed about what happened next but I somewhat exploded. I tried to restrain myself but found whilst asking 'Is that our dinner?' to my husband that my voice was rather loud and shrill...he looked sheepish and BIL smirked to which I then completely went bat shit crazy...
For context - today is my anniversary (8 years) I had prepared the meal at 6 this morning whilst the kids were still sleeping, our neighbour (who I have become very close to over the last 10 years and has basically been like a mum/gran to us) is having the girls for 2 hours so we can eat and just have a little celebration. (Hence the chocolates).
Anyway I told SIL to get in the playroom and tidy up. She looked shocked and said she was always going to tidy (a lie, she never does). Asked who opened the chocolates to which the MIL piped up and said she thought it would be nice for the kids...I told her it was not her place and was a thank you present. She stormed out. BIL slowly put his bowl down and went to help SIL.
They have now all gone - thank fully no-one tried to speak to me and I can hear DH cleaning and sorting out the house.
Have pretty much decided I am putting the house on the market tomorrow and moving.
Please tell me that I am not being a tit here...that was totally out of order right?
Few disclaimers - I have not spoken to DH so I am not sure if he offered the food or BIL just took it. Same with the chocolates. I also do not know if they were here before husband got home. MIL has a spare key for emergencies (which I am requesting back).
I have decided that DH can have the kids for the 2 hours tonight and I am off next door to have my dinner with Gladys. What is a reasonable amount of time I can go without having to look at him?
Glad it all worked out OP.
maybe treat yourself to a doughnut or 10
@Wantmyflipflops My MIL regularly moves things around in my house, feeds my DC crap, ignores what I say about tv time etc, the list goes on.
SIL is MIL's favourite as she is married to the favourite child, I'm cool with that. I never want to live in a world where I'm considered her favourite. I think she tolerates me because of my DC.
She regularly texts me by accident instead of the SIL with updates about my child (we are NC with BIL & SIL) even though we have made it clear we don't want anything to do with them. I am patiently waiting for the day she texts me by accident saying something bad about me or DH so I can firmly put her in her place. Then I can go NC with them too.
Well done on standing up to them all, you are my hero and an inspiration xx
The weak point as things stand could be SIL. She might be able to sympathise with you, but she has her own relationship with MIL and could act as a spy in the camp/flying monkey. Hopefully not, though.
@ImperfectAlf my MIL as you can tell has very thick skin and it all goes over her head. If she was a bit more emotional or vindictive I might have thought twice. But I'm standing up for the DILs that have to deal with shitty MILs.
They criticize our parenting when in actual fact we are still trying to deal with the issues our DHs have from the way they were raised...
They point out every fault and then act like they have been shot when something is deflected...
They ignore requests to not feed DGC crap all the time and put them to bed at a reasonable time...
They make mean remarks and point out faults to try and invoke a response and make us look unreasonable..
God how hard is it to just be nice...
Please note I do know their are some dreadful DIL/SILs out there who treat MILs awfully and I do not condone that. But I know that I have been a model DIL...went out of my way to be helpful and kind because after losing my mum it would have been lovely to have had that relationship...
Sometimes you just cant win and I'm so over it...x
Glad you’ve got the scarf back! I bloody well hope you get a new perfume bottle for your birthday!
This is excellent, OP. I’m in awe of your brilliance! My MIL isn’t quite as bad but you’v given me the courage to stand up to her nasty behaviour. Thank you 😊
Defo think SIL is on MN...MIL have my scarf back to DH saying she thinks I left it in her car...the car I have never been in!! DH (obviously trying really hard at the moment) told her she was so transparent and he would have more respect for her if she just told him she borrowed it. He then asked if she was going to return the perfume. She started getting flustered so we are just accepting that it has been used up. Maybe I will get some for my birthday ha ha.
BIL has not been in touch since he whatsapped me asking me to try and resolve thinks with him mum and I sent him the laughing emoji in response.
OP I have just read all of your updates. Amazing ending. CF of the year award goes to your MIL.
What an awesome set of updates op. She definitely wins the CF of the year award!
Waiting for the phone call from MIL about how hurt BIL is..... let’s throw ALL the guilt trips to avoid looking at our own shameful behaviour!!!
I think I would send a text saying that it has become clear that she has been in the habit of borrowing things from you without your knowledge, so could she please return everything of yours that she taken. Tell her that you have wasted hours in vain looking for missing items that are more than likely not even in your house anymore. If she prefers you can give your DH a list of things that are missing and he can pop round to her house while she's out to search for them. (She won't like the thought of someone rummaging around her house uninvited.)
Happynow001 It doesn't matter that it's only just appeared on your account. This is a thread with 200+ posts, so it will have clearly moved on from the original post.
Well done OP!
Both your BIL and Mil sound like they are cut from the same cloth....CF!
She was definitely coming over all the time when you were out and
stealing borrowing things. Creepy, cheeky, and weird.
Does she ever give you gifts like chocolates?
She seems unaware of the fact that people might have a box of chocolates in their house to give as a gift to someone else. Perhaps she is from a culture where this is not done, and all Chocs belong to her? 😂
Actually MorningRichie this thread has only just appeared on my account so no need to jump down my throat! DO have a nice day!!
* 1.... Cant seem to get in the house?*
2.... I think your lock is broken, key is not working?
3.... have you changed the locks?
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Cheeky mare! Thank goodness you changed the locks - this woman has absolutely no self-awareness. And doesn't care!
Oh, for fucks sake. You've admitted to not reading the thread. Maybe it might be worth doing so before posting your trite little comment parroting what people said a fucking week ago before she actually solved the problem.
Get yourself a small coded key safe OP so you/your DH can retrieve the key from there if needed. My mother (elderly now) has one installed so emergency services can be given the code and enter if she's fallen over etc.
Wow OP. I haven't finished reading your thread yet but my goodness have a huge hug 🤗 from me! So often IL's and others are such thoughtless CFers but get away with it. I bet they'll think before acting next time. But yes get your keys back/change the locks ASAP.
Enjoy your takeaway. 😂
Wondering when you are moving to Australia? The house next door to mine is for sale and there is room for you all - Including Gladys, of course. My dog loves kids and would help guard your house from blowing leaves and possums running across power lines nearby too!
Brilliant - now next time there's a grumble perhaps throw in all those missing items that seemingly walked out the door when you were out ... you want them back pronto 😉
@squooz not giving DH a medal or anything yet...he has not actually said it to MIL yet...if he does that then I may be nice to him x
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