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To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)

(295 Posts)
Wantmyflipflops Tue 26-Feb-19 17:55:47

Hi everyone...first time poster, long time stalker here. My life is pretty boring so never had anything of real substance to moan about on here but finally something I and ask you lovely people is IAMBU...

Now obviously I won't change the locks. I have a 4 year old and a 7 week old so it would be far too much of a bother (and mean I have to stop cuddling the kids to do it).

So...DH, MIL, SIL and her DH and 5 DC (yes 5) all live in a 5 mile radius of us. We moved from London 10 years ago and they all liked the area and to my horror have moved here. DH thinks it is great but as you can imagine I am distraught (feigning total trauma here).

3 days ago I went out on my own with my 2 DD, it was genuinely stressful due to discovering that my 4 year old had taken all the nappies out of the baby bag midway through a nappy change. Thankfully a mum was waiting outside and took pity on me and gave me spare nappy...angels do exist.

So frazzled and stressed I arrived home and opened the front be met with 5 kids in the playroom that had been totally ransacked (oldest is 12 and was literally throwing things across the room). The utter shock must have been all over my face as when I walked in the living room all 4 of the adults started making excuses about the state of the house. oh they are just kids, they will tidy up, they are just excited...etc...etc.

I could feel my face getting red and then I look at my BIL and see he is eating the dinner I had put in the slow cooker and in the corner of the room a box of chocolates I had bought as a thank you to my neighbours had been opened and half eaten.

I am now very ashamed about what happened next but I somewhat exploded. I tried to restrain myself but found whilst asking 'Is that our dinner?' to my husband that my voice was rather loud and shrill...he looked sheepish and BIL smirked to which I then completely went bat shit crazy...

For context - today is my anniversary (8 years) I had prepared the meal at 6 this morning whilst the kids were still sleeping, our neighbour (who I have become very close to over the last 10 years and has basically been like a mum/gran to us) is having the girls for 2 hours so we can eat and just have a little celebration. (Hence the chocolates).

Anyway I told SIL to get in the playroom and tidy up. She looked shocked and said she was always going to tidy (a lie, she never does). Asked who opened the chocolates to which the MIL piped up and said she thought it would be nice for the kids...I told her it was not her place and was a thank you present. She stormed out. BIL slowly put his bowl down and went to help SIL.

They have now all gone - thank fully no-one tried to speak to me and I can hear DH cleaning and sorting out the house.

Have pretty much decided I am putting the house on the market tomorrow and moving.

Please tell me that I am not being a tit here...that was totally out of order right?

Few disclaimers - I have not spoken to DH so I am not sure if he offered the food or BIL just took it. Same with the chocolates. I also do not know if they were here before husband got home. MIL has a spare key for emergencies (which I am requesting back).

I have decided that DH can have the kids for the 2 hours tonight and I am off next door to have my dinner with Gladys. What is a reasonable amount of time I can go without having to look at him?

GreatDuckCookery6211 Tue 26-Feb-19 18:02:32

Eeek. I think DH was a shit for not telling that it was your anniversary and the meal was for you both. What’s wrong with him? Forgetful? Laid back? Doesn’t give a shit?

I’m not surprised you exploded. DH needs to straighten things out with his family and explain why you lost it.

Do something nice for yourself definitely.

Wantmyflipflops Tue 26-Feb-19 18:05:05

@GreatDuckCookery DH has just admitted he forgot about anniversary so not only have I come home to all this shit but I don't even have a bloody card. Eurgh bloody men

Boobiliboobiliboo Tue 26-Feb-19 18:07:20

I’d be googling industrial sized mincers by now.

Sneakyisbest Tue 26-Feb-19 18:08:29


That would really piss me off. Send your husband out to get you dinner and a replacement box of choccies, if he has an ounce of sense he would get you a box too.

MutantDisco Tue 26-Feb-19 18:08:28

Yeah I'd be moving, and leaving DH behind.

needsleepzzz Tue 26-Feb-19 18:08:35

I would have exploded too, that is bang out of order! Good on you making your SIL tidy up.
Make husband buy a takeaway and get the locks changed! No more MIL having a key

NataliaOsipova Tue 26-Feb-19 18:09:25

Good for you. Bloody good for you. So many posts on here about in-laws crossing lines and 9 times out of 10 I end up wondering why people don’t just woman up and say something! You - quite reasonably - showed your annoyance. In context and at the time. Good for you. I’d have been fizzing in the circumstances and don’t blame you. You have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to apologise for. Any apology is absolutely due to you.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Tue 26-Feb-19 18:10:20

Oh dear. He needs to make it up pronto. Did he let them in or MIL?

Pinkywoo Tue 26-Feb-19 18:12:05

YADNBU, and can I say how nice it is to read someone actually reacted how I would have done, instead of the usual moaning how awful their in-laws are but never saying anything to them, well done!

And happy anniversary! wine

Disfordarkchocolate Tue 26-Feb-19 18:12:33

I think you were very restrained! Have a nice time with your neighbour. If you move will they follow?

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka Tue 26-Feb-19 18:12:58

Better to explode than to quietly resent forever more.

scrappydappydoo Tue 26-Feb-19 18:15:45

Oh wow! YADNBU. DH has some serious grovelling to do. Please tell me at least one of your ILs has had least attempted some form of apology.

PrincessScarlett Tue 26-Feb-19 18:16:01

Good for you OP! And definitely get that spare key back. This is my worst nightmare as in-laws threatening to move to where we are.

Singlenotsingle Tue 26-Feb-19 18:16:18

Had they come to celebrate the anniversary with you? That all went tits up, didn't it? An no, YANBU. Maybe DH could organise a nice takeaway for the 3 of you?

museumum Tue 26-Feb-19 18:16:43

Your dh is100% responsible here. He let them in. He was hosting.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit Tue 26-Feb-19 18:20:03

And yet they live?

While the house gets sold, I'd change the locks and not give DH a key. He can ring the bell and you can decide if you want to let him in.

Wantmyflipflops Tue 26-Feb-19 18:25:43

So my need for information outweighed having no desire to speak to DH...

They were here when he turned up. BIL helped himself and DH thought it was for the 4 year old so didn't object.

Chocolates were already out and being eaten so he thought they had brought them.

No they didn't come to celebrate anniversary, in-fact they did not even mention it, DH clean forgot and only realised when I stormed up the stairs saying 'Happy f*"*ing anniversary to you too'...I am classy like that ha ha.

MIL has form for treating me like a piece of crap and DH usually puts her in her place.

DH is currently at co-op round the corner replacing the chocolates and stopping off at the chinese on the way home. Still don't like him very much but.....sweet and sour chicken balls...I mean...come on!!

Boobiliboobiliboo Tue 26-Feb-19 18:27:29

Send him to B+Q for new locks and go non contact with his arsehole family.

NataliaOsipova Tue 26-Feb-19 18:29:35

They were here when he turned up.

Get the key back. That’s a gross misuse of a key “for emergencies” even without helping themselves to your food and making the house a shit tip. Don’t get caught out by the “we don’t feel welcome” shite that will invariably come your way either; you can then lay out that they are welcome to come and visit your home as long as they act like respectful guests and not a bunch of entitled teenagers. Eating your dinner and opening new chocolates? FFS.

Isth Tue 26-Feb-19 18:30:12

Oh dear. I’d have done the same to be honest! Sounds like DH knows he needs to make it up to you, but equally sounds like they caught him out a bit too. Enjoy your Chinese!

Ps you have a fabulous way of writing 👌🏻

Wantmyflipflops Tue 26-Feb-19 18:31:06

@WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit ha ha ha...yes I think I will do that smile

Unfortunately as @Disfordarkchocolate if I move they will all eventually follow.

No apology as of yet, other than the DH and I expect I will get a couple of joyful days of making it up to me. I think my shock was so bad because it is unlike DH to let something like this happen, he had only walked in 15 mins before me so was probably still trying to get his head around it himself. Still he forgot our anniversary so I am still angry at him.

LEDadjacent Tue 26-Feb-19 18:31:25

100% change the locks.

toastonbean Tue 26-Feb-19 18:32:29

DEFINITELY change the locks. Don't just get the keys back or MIL will arrive one day with a copy she made "just in case"

Wantmyflipflops Tue 26-Feb-19 18:32:36

@NataliaOsipova key is definitely being retrieved from dragon in law.... we locked ourselves out 2 weeks ago and she was in the bath and really cross at us for having to get out so she could give us the key...eurgh

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