To think OH isn't careful enough with the baby?(149 Posts)
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My little boy is 10 months old. He's just started crawling and pulling himself up and is into everything. I'm still on maternity leave so spend all day with him.
My OH works long hours but has adjusted his day so that he can be home for an hour or so to see the baby before bedtime. Great! Apart from over the last few weeks this hour before bed has just become a mad house. OH rough houses and tosses the baby around like he's a rugby ball. In the past week the baby has had two nose bleeds, one from head banging with OH and one from being dropped. Just tonight while I was tidying up in the kitchen (having five minutes peace!) the baby has screamed.... When I've gone in to see what's happened OH says he hit his head on a toy. He hits his head a lot during the day but never hard enough to scream. OH won't let me take him, calms him down and I leave the room, less than five minutes later the baby is screaming again apparently this time because he's hit the cupboard.
I just feel like I can't trust my OH to spend time with him alone. He's so rough with him and doesn't seem to understand that he's not old enough for the kind of energetic playing OH is used to doing with his (older) nieces and nephews.
It doesn't help that it's just before bed, he's tired and a bit cranky and my OH is trying to make up for all the hours he's missed while he is at work.
Am I being unreasonable or should I expect my OH to listen to me and dial it back a bit, play more gently and try and prevent any more injuries?
For whatever reason, the OP here has deregged. So that her continuing absence doesn't cause people to worry we think that we should close this thread but leave it available to be read in case she needs it for advice on her situation. to you, SchlickSchlock.
What have I just read?! Not one, but two nosebleeds?! Poor child. Stand up for your son, OP.
Shaken baby syndrome OP. Tell him to google it.
I was appalled reading this thread OP. Your DH is abusing your baby. He is failing to keep him safe.
Not normal OP. Do not allow him normalizing it to make you feel it is. The fact he wouldn't let you take the baby only really means he knows he's hurt it and doesn't want you to see/think it's bad surely, he's trying to minimise it. If he had to end up handing a bleeding crying baby to you for you to deal with that would be acknowledging he badly fucked up. Holding on to the poor thing and shushing the baby until the shock is over to 'prove' it's fine- is not putting baby first. A GP visit is necessary for injuries like this.
Don't follow your negligent DP down the road of denial here. Who gives a shit whether he grew up doing this tbh, doesn't make it normal or correct and he needs to grow up and alter his conduct with the baby or for me, he would never be taking him/her for any reason. Has he seen too many movies of amazing dad's swinging kids about in the park or something . There are better safer ways to amuse the baby, really OP. He clearly lacks the knowledge of how robust a baby is and that is unsafe. Choosing not to listen when offered that knowledge makes it abuse in my eyes. I'd not let a child rough house a baby, he doesn't get carte Blanche because he is fully grown.
Do hope OP comes back with an update.
For what its worth, SS almost got involved when I was just under 2 My DF dislocated my shoulder by swinging me around.
It turns out I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome so dislocations aren't uncommon, but we were only spared SS involvement because I was verbal enough to say "Me play Daddy. Arm go <insert crunch/cracking noise>!" My DParents thank the universe I was a precocious child to this day. And my DF never roughhoused with me again after a stern warning from the A&E doctor. None of us played roughly with my DS until he was much older.
Crikey. Another who thought I'd be telling you you were being unreasonable when I opened this.
He may not think he's being abusive because he doesn't intend it, but the net result is a child who is being caused head injuries because of his deliberate actions.
SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME.
NOSEBLEEDS. ON A 10 MONTH OLD BABY.
He is running the risk of giving your child a traumatic brain injury that could leave him severely disabled for life, if not just plain dead.
I'd absolutely lose my shit at him. Anything and everything to get into his thick skull that this is bloody dangerous and COMPLETELY unacceptable.
I can't believe how nonchalant and cavalier and casual you are being about this
Tell me you took your little baby to a&e after your partner headbutted him with enough force to cause a nosebleed???
This is so disgusting
My DS is a similar age and constantly bumping into things, but also no nosebleeds. I think you might want to check it out just in case they're caused by something else as it's so unusual and you didn't describe other injuries at the same time. It can be a sign of illnesses or of head trauma, but either of those need a doctor so it's best to follow up, it's always best to catch issues early.
Your OH obviously needs to calm down; not listening to you is a very bad sign, as is not getting upset about injuries, those don't sound right. He's your partner, so you know him; sit and think calmly to decide if you feel this is worrying or if you feel what you've said has really been misunderstood by everyone? Don't be afraid of talking to your health visitor to get some perspective, they've seen it all and might be in a better position to offer advice from meeting you all.
I came on this post expecting to say YABU and that a bit of rough play is ok, my DH plays more roughly than I do with our dc.
However what I read made me feel a bit sick. I would be very concerned about this, two nosebleeds? Wtf!
A nosebleed on a baby! And that didn't shock him into being more gentle? A nosebleed on a baby would make most people cry. Honestly OP the baby needs to be checked by the GP. Every head injury should be. Be honest how it's happening. You will likely get a referral to social services but that might be what your husband needs. And who he needs to hear it from if he won't listen to you. If you ever do leave you will then have evidence as to why he needs supervised access. This is really quite bad OP. Good luck.
@LadyBird11 I was going to post mentioning shaken baby syndrome too.
My DNephew was terribly clumsy when he was a bit younger, would run into walls and all sorts rushing off and chatting away and not once did he ever get a nosebleed. I faceplanted a wall once drunk and wrecked my face and didn't get a nosebleed.
Banging into things could be clumsiness, yes, but the nosebleeds to me seem very sinister and I'd be extremely worried. OP, I can't understand why you are defending your husband who has caused quite serious injuries to your baby, none of which you have ever got checked out it seems. Very strange and I feel you are trying to cover something up. You are neglecting your baby by allowing him to keep getting injured and failing to seek proper medical attention.
Has OP come back to the thread after the last update??
You’re minimising and being complicit in the abuse. This is abuse.
Also take the poor baby to the doctors, a hit to the head hard enough to cause a nose bleed warrants medical attention.
I can't believe what I'm reading, your husband dropped your baby causing a nosebleed and your calling it 'energetic playing'? I'd call It child abuse.
What do you think social services would make of a 10 month old baby having 2 nosebleeds in a week and constantly bashing its head on things?
The baby is 10 months old, I'm fairly certain it's not 'playing' for him. Playing is fun not painful.
You need to sort this out, witnessing it and doing nothing is just as bad.
Is your OH naturally clumsy OP? It might explain some of the accidents. I'm extremely clumsy and I think that's caused slightly higher accidents with my daughter. Although I do learn from my mistakes and make preventative adjustments, it doesn't sound like your partner does.
How about you go back to work OP
Are you serious? Leave the baby in the care of someone who is utterly incompetent (or worse), just so that he can learn? How many practice attempts should he get at dropping the baby?
My wee man at about 12 months gave himself a nose bleed taking a roll over a washing basket before I could get to him during the pulling himself up phase, I had him at the doctors that afternoon out of fear, it was a significant amount of bleeding but no bruising. Some babies do get nosebleeds easier than others. Same wee demon had to go to the hospital for hitting his head on the edge of the coffee table hard enough to cause a small dent. It was so horrifying but getting him checked meant more than any fear of being judged. I was crying more than him in the end over the pure misery of him being hurt even if both instances werent due to carelessness on my part.
Children do fall and are incredibly resilient but any head related injuries can be so serious for them. I was so scared of shaken baby syndrome that I would take no risks about having them checked over. Ironically their daddy does man handle both my toddler and 6 month old and has never hurt either of them once and I trust him implicitly. Thankfully my toddler is now much more sturdy on his feet, for my own sanity and his head!
Accidents do happen no matter how careful you are with your children, the only realistic objective is to minimalise the possibility of accidents as much as possible and that requires the mindfulness and dedication of both mum and dad.
I worked with young kids for 10yrs, the only time one got a nosebleed from an accident (as opposed to spontaneous) was horrific.
New walker, took one, two, three steps away from me and I cheered. My cheer made him turn slightly towards me, he lost his balance and fell, catching his beautiful little face on the corner of a table. Blood everywhere and he fell to the floor smashed his head and an ambulance was called. Utterly bloomin awful and I’ve never forgotten how horrible it was seeing this babes face with blood pouring from his nose.
I’ve seen my share of kids face planting but it’s never caused a nose bleed- not since or before that day. To me that would indicate severe trauma, so how you didn’t immediately have your little one checked over is beyond me. It’s not normal.
Your bloke might think he’s playing rough but what he’s doing is hurting a baby who can’t tell him no- and then stopping you comforting your baby. That’s abuse. That’s like, psychopathic. It’s not normal
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He caused his 10 month old baby to have two nosebleeds in a week. That's very abnormal. If he's not abusive, and is a loving father he needs to stop before your DS ends up needing a hospital visit. Get your DH a punchbag to take his excess energy out on.
If your DS starts school and tells the teacher "Oh this bruise is when Daddy threw me on the sofa, and this is from when Daddy put me in a headlock" there will be concern...
How about you go back to work OP and your DP can drop down some of his ‘long hours’? Maybe then he’ll have chance to spend more time with HIS ds rather than trying to cram everything into the one hour a day he’s currently getting and doing such a ‘bad job’ of; in your opinion.
I read far too many ‘my DH just isn’t up to scratch/careful/attentive/involved enough’ and it’s 99% women who are at home full time either on my maternity or simply not working.
Ofc he’s not as good at it as you, he’s stuck at work all day no doubt wishing he was at home with DS!
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