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To think OH isn't careful enough with the baby?

(149 Posts)

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SchlickShlock Mon 25-Feb-19 19:03:41

My little boy is 10 months old. He's just started crawling and pulling himself up and is into everything. I'm still on maternity leave so spend all day with him.

My OH works long hours but has adjusted his day so that he can be home for an hour or so to see the baby before bedtime. Great! Apart from over the last few weeks this hour before bed has just become a mad house. OH rough houses and tosses the baby around like he's a rugby ball. In the past week the baby has had two nose bleeds, one from head banging with OH and one from being dropped. Just tonight while I was tidying up in the kitchen (having five minutes peace!) the baby has screamed.... When I've gone in to see what's happened OH says he hit his head on a toy. He hits his head a lot during the day but never hard enough to scream. OH won't let me take him, calms him down and I leave the room, less than five minutes later the baby is screaming again apparently this time because he's hit the cupboard.

I just feel like I can't trust my OH to spend time with him alone. He's so rough with him and doesn't seem to understand that he's not old enough for the kind of energetic playing OH is used to doing with his (older) nieces and nephews.

It doesn't help that it's just before bed, he's tired and a bit cranky and my OH is trying to make up for all the hours he's missed while he is at work.

Am I being unreasonable or should I expect my OH to listen to me and dial it back a bit, play more gently and try and prevent any more injuries?

SchlickShlock Mon 25-Feb-19 19:21:36

God do you know reading all your responses has made me cry. I honestly don't think he's doing it on purpose but it has to stop right now and I will do whatever I need to to make sure it does, even if that involves leaving. My baby is all that matters here.

janetforpresident Mon 25-Feb-19 19:21:44

If my DH caused our baby to have a nosebleed he would be so upset. He wouldn't be engaging in rough play the next day and causing further injuries.

girlwithadragontattoo Mon 25-Feb-19 19:22:27

I think maybe you need to show him this thread if you think he’s not going to take a talk seriously

Amanduh Mon 25-Feb-19 19:23:44

Ffs it isn’t abuse. He just needs to be more careful! Sounds like he’s very rough and tumble and needs to calm down.

SchlickShlock Mon 25-Feb-19 19:23:44

I've been in the room for most of the accidents.... I almost think that's partly making him worse because I'll say to be more gentle and he scoffs it's fine and then two minutes later there's an accident.

Maybe the issue is that he doesn't listen to me or respect my opinion sad

ifoundthebread Mon 25-Feb-19 19:24:42

My son is nearly 11 months, starting to try walk independently resulting in alot of falls, bumps and bangs but he's never had a nose bleed or been dropped. I know accidents happen but if these things continue to happen (especially if baby is going to be going to day care etc) these reasons for crying/injury will start sounding like the 'I got a black eye by walking into a door' excuse. He needs to start being mindful of what he is doing. Maybe get him to start a bedtime hour routine/wind down rather than hyping him up. I get the feeling of making up lost time but memories can be made regardless of if its play fighting or snuggling with a book.

AnyFucker Mon 25-Feb-19 19:24:57

What are you waiting for ?

A head injury ? Bleed on the brain ? Broken bone ? What ?

RoboticSealpup Mon 25-Feb-19 19:26:07

Maybe the issue is that he doesn't listen to me or respect my opinion

I'm sorry you had a child with an asshole. But now it's time for you to step the hell up to protect the baby.

riotlady Mon 25-Feb-19 19:29:19

Yanbu! My daughter is 11 months and my partner has always played with her quite physically- throwing her in the air, flying her round the room, bouncing her on the bed- and he’s never knocked her into anything or dropped her. If he can’t do that sort of play safely then he needs to stop doing it at all.

Yes kids roll off things and get bumped heads but not this much!!

Mysterycat23 Mon 25-Feb-19 19:29:23

Fucking hell so you're scared of what this man will do to you if you stand up to him.

Get out get out get out.

He is a fucking idiot and dangerous. Makes me feel sick

TheLazyDuchess Mon 25-Feb-19 19:30:02

When an adult "plays" with a non verbal child to the point the child is screaming, and bleeding, that's abuse. He's given a 10 month old nosebleeds twice, that you know of, yet still continues to be rough? This rough play is for his benefit, not for the baby. Sorry you're in this situation op flowers

SchlickShlock Mon 25-Feb-19 19:30:21

I'm going to show OH this thread. I want him to see that I'm not being precious about this.

SchlickShlock Mon 25-Feb-19 19:31:40

no I am not scared of him at all. He's not purposefully being violent!!

Schuyler Mon 25-Feb-19 19:33:34

Babies are still fragile at this age. It’s terrible, terrible behaviour.

TheSheepofWallSt Mon 25-Feb-19 19:33:49

I’m not being funny OP but if I knew you, and you told me the story just like that, with that catalogue of injuries, id be calling social services. Seriously.

Thegoodthere Mon 25-Feb-19 19:36:07

My DH was also physical with DD as a baby. No injuries.

DointItForTheKids Mon 25-Feb-19 19:36:35

So would I The Sheep.

gkite0202 Mon 25-Feb-19 19:36:45

I'm far from the perfect parent but I have a ds who is 4 and a half, he has never had a nose bleed.
This sounds so worrying OP sad

labazsisgoingmad Mon 25-Feb-19 19:37:52

perhaps he could do something quieter like read him a story ready for bed

TheSheepofWallSt Mon 25-Feb-19 19:38:45

Sorry I know “call SS” is overused on here, and that the threshold is high for investigation, but I still would. Sorry OP I don’t want to upset you further but it is shocking.

DointItForTheKids Mon 25-Feb-19 19:39:09

I firmly believe he gets a kick out of it, on the sly. That's why all the 'accidents' happen when you're not in the room.

He's going to try and gaslight you when you talk to him about it or show him this thread - he'll play it down, he'll tell you he's not being over the top, he'll tell you you're a pathetic worrier, he'll say your preventing him from enjoying time with his son. You have to not believe this bullshit because HE. IS. ABUSING. YOUR. SON.

Celebelly Mon 25-Feb-19 19:39:15

The fact it keeps on happening is really worrying. The first time it should have been a learning point – mistakes happen and with your first baby, it takes some getting used to what's normal etc. But the fact that he's kept on doing it after hurting the baby several times is pretty worrying. After the first time, I'd expect any reasonable adult to say 'OK that's a bit too rough at the moment' and adjust their behaviour to avoid a repeat, not continue doing the same things and seemingly not caring if their child gets hurt sad

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 Mon 25-Feb-19 19:40:47

Most people would be horrified to hurt their baby, let alone cause them TWO nosebleeds. Why isn't he horrified? 😱

MadisonMontgomery Mon 25-Feb-19 19:41:12

I was expecting to read that your DP was being a bit silly tickling him or something - but nosebleeds?! That is not normal, I’m sorry. I’m not sure you can trust him to have any unsupervised time with your child.

SchlickShlock Mon 25-Feb-19 19:42:23

They arent all happening when i am out of the room.

He honestly is not doing this to abuse him. The fact he's not altering his playing though is wrong, as a poster said.

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