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To think OH isn't careful enough with the baby?

(149 Posts)

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SchlickShlock Mon 25-Feb-19 19:03:41

My little boy is 10 months old. He's just started crawling and pulling himself up and is into everything. I'm still on maternity leave so spend all day with him.

My OH works long hours but has adjusted his day so that he can be home for an hour or so to see the baby before bedtime. Great! Apart from over the last few weeks this hour before bed has just become a mad house. OH rough houses and tosses the baby around like he's a rugby ball. In the past week the baby has had two nose bleeds, one from head banging with OH and one from being dropped. Just tonight while I was tidying up in the kitchen (having five minutes peace!) the baby has screamed.... When I've gone in to see what's happened OH says he hit his head on a toy. He hits his head a lot during the day but never hard enough to scream. OH won't let me take him, calms him down and I leave the room, less than five minutes later the baby is screaming again apparently this time because he's hit the cupboard.

I just feel like I can't trust my OH to spend time with him alone. He's so rough with him and doesn't seem to understand that he's not old enough for the kind of energetic playing OH is used to doing with his (older) nieces and nephews.

It doesn't help that it's just before bed, he's tired and a bit cranky and my OH is trying to make up for all the hours he's missed while he is at work.

Am I being unreasonable or should I expect my OH to listen to me and dial it back a bit, play more gently and try and prevent any more injuries?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Mon 25-Feb-19 19:06:46

Yanbu - the hour before bed needs to be calm, read a bedtime story with him kind of time, not tickle fights and chucking around. Alarming that he is hurting him and not letting you comfort him either confused
You need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him when ds is in bed!

Merryoldgoat Mon 25-Feb-19 19:06:48

Ffs - is he an idiot? Nosebleeds?

Of course YANBU.

Chottie Mon 25-Feb-19 19:07:04

Please, please, please stop your OH from doing this with your LO. What is wrong with LO, can't he see he is hurting his son?!?

This is not the actions of a loving, caring parent

Readytogogogo Mon 25-Feb-19 19:08:28

Accidents happen but that does sound like a lot of injuries in a short space of time. Do you think he'd listen if you spoke to him again?

Smoggle Mon 25-Feb-19 19:09:48

I'm sorry to say it, but this sounds more like abuse than carelessness to me.

It is absolutely not normal to cause this many injuries to a little baby.

Chipsahoy Mon 25-Feb-19 19:12:01

My ds is 10months also and I cringed as I read about nose bleeds. Oh my word.
My ds has had the odd head bump from crawling head down at speed towards a wall, turning his head too fast by a table, that sort of thing. When they have happened we have felt awful for not catching him in time.
I can't fathom how your Dh would continue to rough house after the first time.
Could you hv intervene? Why doesn't he let you comfort the baby? I find that really worrying.
sad

MummysBusy Mon 25-Feb-19 19:12:35

Christ, i'd have had a meltdown at him. Sort him out or get him out. Thats not normal.

PuzzlingPuzzle Mon 25-Feb-19 19:12:49

What?! Your DH has dropped the baby and banged heads with him resulting in 2 nosebleeds yet continues to still play rough with him and fail to supervise him properly when he’s pulling himself up on furniture?! Of course YANBU, until your DH proves he’s not a threat to your DS’s safety, and it would take a lot to convince me of that based on your post, I would not leave him alone with the baby. Like not at all, even to go to the loo. And I’d definitely be questioning the relationship. This is not normal, it’s not ok, and you need to protect your son from him.

RoboticSealpup Mon 25-Feb-19 19:14:27

Jesus Christ. He dropped him as well and he doesn't take more care as a result? Wtf is wrong with him? I would be scared to even turn my back with such a careless idiot in the house. What does he say when you try to talk to him about it?

LellowYedbetter Mon 25-Feb-19 19:16:05

I’d be careful OP. Social services will be all over you if your baby is seen to suffer reoccurring injuries. It’s not normal and your OH is at best, fucking idiotic. At worse, abusive.

Out of interest, do you see all these injuries happen? Or do they tend to occur when you’re not in the room?

SnuggyBuggy Mon 25-Feb-19 19:16:42

That isn't normal. Once is maybe an accident but not this many times in a short period

NewIdeasToday Mon 25-Feb-19 19:16:53

This isn’t just ‘careless’. It’s appalling. You need to step in and stop this behaviour before your poor baby has an even more serious injury. Immediately.

Hazlenutpie Mon 25-Feb-19 19:16:58

He's an absolute idiot. Your poor baby, I can see him being seriously injured if you don't put a stop to this madness.

jwclha Mon 25-Feb-19 19:18:03

You need to say something to him ASAP because these injuries are unacceptable.

Surely he should know that this type of boisterous play isn't appropriate for a 10mo?

RoboticSealpup Mon 25-Feb-19 19:18:16

And I wouldn't have hesitated to lay down the law to DH if he was behaving like this. But then, I'm not scared of him and he actually listens to me. Are your scared of him?

Stormwhale Mon 25-Feb-19 19:18:51

My god your baby is tiny, what the hell is wrong with your partner? You need to put your foot down op. This needs to stop.

RedPanda2 Mon 25-Feb-19 19:18:53

This is horrific, OP. Sounds abusive

GrapesAndCheese Mon 25-Feb-19 19:18:54

At 10mo they are constantly bumping their heads, accidentally of course. What your DP is doing is not accidental. I would be having a serious word with him if I were you. But I have a feeling he won't like hearing it.

janetforpresident Mon 25-Feb-19 19:19:04

Did he actually.drop him or did he fall? I have 3 dcs and no-one has ever dropped any of them! How did it happen?

I've reread your OP and am really concerned that it always seems to be happening when you are out the room.

Thegoodthere Mon 25-Feb-19 19:19:19

I'd be setting up a nanny cam to see what happens next time you have to step out of the room. Accident or not?

SchlickShlock Mon 25-Feb-19 19:19:46

Maybe I've used the wrong word with dropped. He fell off the edge of the bed and OH said he had hold of him but that he just wriggled free.

It's definitely not purposeful or abuse.... OH just thinks they're having fun. His whole family is like this, they wrestle and get each other in headlocks etC. I find it all a bit bizarre, it's just so different to how my family are.

I will definitely talk to him about it again. Last time he said I was just being overly anxious.

cfmagnet Mon 25-Feb-19 19:20:22

Have you witnessed the accidents, Schlick, or do they happen when you're not in the room? If it's the latter, I would invest in a nanny-cam...

girlwithadragontattoo Mon 25-Feb-19 19:20:40

Hi OP, im sorry to say but i don’t believe these arw accidents.
Nose bleeds! I think your DH is doing this to hurt him and the reason he won’t let you comfort him is because he knows exactly what he’s done

HeyNannyNanny Mon 25-Feb-19 19:21:36

Holy shit I was coming on expecting you to be being precious, but that's outrageous. YANBU!!!

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