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To think that I shouldn’t have to take anymore

(19 Posts)
Flowermaid Mon 25-Feb-19 16:32:22

I don’t know how to manage his temper anymore - the dog is terrified of him, hell im terrified of him.

He’s just called me a cunt and various other things whilst battering me with a cushion. On top of this sort of behaviour he blames me for everything that is wrong in his life. I wouldn’t want to be in his position and I’m trying to sort it but the LA just drag their heels (he’s effectively out of school as they can’t meet his needs.

I phoned our SW and said I can’t live like this anymore - I’m in fear for my safety and I’m in fear of being accused of something as he throws accusations around (‘You fucking made me go to special school - you just wanted to ruin my life’).

SW iscoming out tomorrow to discuss what the plan is re our case - she hinted that it might close.

As for DS - he’s upstairs calming down. I’m switching off internet and stopping all pocket money.

MillyMollyMandie Mon 25-Feb-19 16:35:55

Can I ask what lead up to this today.

Flowermaid Mon 25-Feb-19 16:44:13

He wants me to pay for a very expensive hobby and I can’t afford it - then it snow balled

Flowermaid Mon 25-Feb-19 17:03:34

My first post doesn’t make sense

It’s my DS who is hitting me, etc - he’s 14 and is diagnosed ASD

MillyMollyMandie Mon 25-Feb-19 17:11:07

He wants me to pay for a very expensive hobby and I can’t afford it - then it snow balled

Is your son HF?

Flowermaid Mon 25-Feb-19 17:20:34

He is high functioning - whatever that means! He certainly struggles to function wherever he goes!

However, I know what you mean - he's verbal and hasn’t got a LD. He’s very likely got PDA but we are not ina county that recognises it

BejamNostalgia Mon 25-Feb-19 17:27:10

You mean the social worker might be closing the case as in you’re being left at home with him and no support?

If you’re frightened for your safety and physical well being, I think you need to be very firm with the social worker that he is not staying in your house.

I know that sounds brutal, but if they can get people to struggle on these days they will, and you have to be hard headed and resolved to get the support you need.

MillyMollyMandie Mon 25-Feb-19 17:33:53

He is high functioning - whatever that means! He certainly struggles to function wherever he goes

I know what you mean and I suspect he is now in the mindset of lashing out when he's frustrated and in a situation he doesnt understand.

I found the following organisation helpful

www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk

I also believe the NAS run a helpline.

Im sorry I can't be of more help but each of our children is an individual and what may help my son may not help yours but I do understand how you feel right now.

Dimebag10M Mon 25-Feb-19 17:47:23

Unfortunately no advice :-( just a hand hold from another mother surviving an aspergers DS x

Flowermaid Mon 25-Feb-19 18:07:38

Sorry i’ve Been frantically emailing school and making tea (because regardless of what he thinks I do care if he eats).

I have asked school to come to the meeting tomorrow. There is a strong possibility that they may well close - they tried to a month ago and school and I challenged it. Social care are saying the issue is education but I have argued robustly that the outcome is a violent young man in my home and the reason is irrelevant though of course we are working to get him a new school.

I think I will ring NAS tomorrow

MatildaTheCat Mon 25-Feb-19 18:33:24

Have you got any other children at home? Can you force SS to take cognisance of their safety if so? And when he’s violent it is worth considering the police. Not nice but it is a consequence of violence in our society.

I hope you have RL support, it sounds awful. No idea how you can force SS to help but I hope you can get advice on how to do so. Is boarding school for SN an option?

Flowermaid Mon 25-Feb-19 18:42:12

No other children - just a dog that hides when he starts.

We’ve had the police out before when he’s been violent - they reported it to the social worker who did nothing. I am meeting his needs so there are no safeguarding concerns!! My safety is not even considered in all this even though he’s a foot taller than me and stronger.

He’s back to ‘normal’ and is expecting me to have forgotten but I can’t

MillyMollyMandie Mon 25-Feb-19 18:49:28

He’s back to ‘normal’ and is expecting me to have forgotten but I can’t

I suspect this may be down to 'theory of mind'

Lifeisabeach09 Mon 25-Feb-19 19:13:53

It's shit but to get any support from SS, things really have to escalate and be evidenced.
In other words, you have to call the police EVERY time he is aggressive, violent and abusive and make it clear that you are scared for your safety.
Is the father not involved?

Flowermaid Mon 25-Feb-19 19:31:34

Father hasn’t ever been involved.

I have reported it to the police a couple of times but I am weary of them saying it’s SS and SS saying it Education.....

PtahNeith Mon 25-Feb-19 19:38:22

Fuck. It's shit when the police and social services treat the human beings they are tasked with protecting and helping like a game of table tennis.

I'm really sorry you're facing this. I wish there was something useful I could say.

RandomMess Mon 25-Feb-19 19:46:34

I would tell SW that you can't have him in your home anymore and they'll have to find FC... probably the most effective way of getting them to engage and get you some help!

FuerzaAreaUruguay Mon 25-Feb-19 20:25:37

YANBU. My son has PDA and it's a nightmare and he's not a teen yet, though going through puberty earlier than most boys.

Flowermaid Mon 25-Feb-19 22:06:06

You have all been really great - son was calm the rest of the day and behaved as if nothing has happened but I feel really shaken and out of sorts.

School can’t support at the meeting tomorrow so I have put my big girl pants on though it might be a case of keeping my powder dry then making a formal complaint. I have a Carers Assessment that says I can only continue my role if I get support urgently.

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