Talk

Advanced search

Dh is a complete arsehole?

(95 Posts)
Cornishqween Mon 25-Feb-19 16:03:32

Ds has an ear infection and his eardrum burst at the weekend. I've somehow managed to catch a throat infection and this ear infection too and am in agony.

Dh is a director of a company and very busy. I woke him this morning at 6.45am to get him to help with the school run as I've not slept and was in so much pain I was crying. He normally puts up a fight if I'm ill and finds a way to get out of helping but today he took dd to nursery for the morning, he said he had to cancel a meeting over it. Ds ended up staying home with me as he's still not 100%.

Dh wasn't happy about it, but agreed to go pick her up too. Nursery is about a 7 minute drive from dhs work.

Anyway we've just had a blazing row because I've found she's gotten home and he hadn't handed back her folder (which was to be handed into her teacher today) despite me asking very clearly, he's left her nursery bag and drink there too. This is usual for him, when relied on he regularly sends the kids to school without coats in freezing weather, without lunch or drinks. It's wearing bloody thin.

Anyway i went to grab some ibuprofen only to find he'd finished the packet this morning (I asked him to bring me some before he went to work) and hadn't bothered to tell me and I was now in pain and having to drag both kids to the pharmacy whilst delirious with earrache. I would have gone several hours before if I'd realised he'd used the last ones before the pain came back.

He then launched at me that he'd moved heaven and earth to do her nursery run even though its nowhere near as important as his work stuff. I went ballistic because I already feel he's very hands off with the kids and just leaves everything to me unless I beg for help.

He reckons I need to get over myself and go to the pharmacy stop whingeing and that it's just an earrache. He made a sarcastic comment saying "well done you for shouting at me - your earrache can't be that bad can it" he went on to tell me how I don't do anything for him etc (despite me having both kids most of today, changing the bedding, doing 2 dishwasher loads to name a few things) Well I've just been to the doctors (with both kids in tow again)only to find I've got a burst eardrum because of the infection. They've given me cocodamol for the pain so tonight should hopefully be more bearable.

Aibu to be pissed off that if he needs a day off due to illness he lays in bed all day with me bringing him food drinks and medicine, and can always rely on me to take the kids when he's got a dental appointment or doctors appt etc? Yet when I need some support it's a case of 'get your big girl pants on' angry

foxsbiscuit Mon 25-Feb-19 16:06:29

he sounds horrid, why are you with such a heartless arsehole?

Clutterbugsmum Mon 25-Feb-19 16:08:14

Hope you feel better soon OP.

Aibu to be pissed off that if he needs a day off due to illness he lays in bed all day with me bringing him food drinks and medicine No you are not and next time he is ill don't wait on him hand foot let him get on with it himself.

And until you are feeling better only do the bare minimum for yourself and your DC and let him sort himself out.

theWarOnPeace Mon 25-Feb-19 16:08:30

He sounds like a pig. Any redeeming features?

Cornishqween Mon 25-Feb-19 16:09:19

Because he seems to always makes it seem like I've got loads to be grateful for, and I'm in the wrong.

He just puts work first, always

tirisfalpumpkin Mon 25-Feb-19 16:12:46

Utter arsehole, imo.

Where do these men come from who are borderline sociopathic when confronted with women’s or children’s pain?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Mon 25-Feb-19 16:13:05

Officially an Arsehole.
Deserves an arsehole badge.

Cornishqween Mon 25-Feb-19 16:14:22

He can piss off if he thinks I'm washing his football gear for tonight, when he asks why I'm going to say "because I never do anything for you apparently"

Erm....redeeming features, he's got loads. He makes me feel special every birthday or Christmas or special occasion. Never forgets and always plans something he knows ill love. He is fun and makes the kids laugh. When we're good we're amazing, best friends really.

Just has got a huge ego, is incredibly lazy if allowed (plays computer games every moment god sends if I don't put up a fight), and can be spiteful if we have an argument.

Cornishqween Mon 25-Feb-19 16:15:52

He's got no clue what it takes to care for two kids day in day out. I'm starting to resent him at the moment and I think we need some professional help

LeekMunchingSheepShagger Mon 25-Feb-19 16:17:06

Well he's a massive knob isn't he? You know what to do when he's next I'll don't you op? Go out and leave him to deal with the kids and house.

BlueMerchant Mon 25-Feb-19 16:17:59

He's an utter pig if he leaves you to go to football tonight!

Dyrne Mon 25-Feb-19 16:18:00

So he’s a complete cunt for 362 days of the year, but because he can be bothered to make a vague effort for the “special occasions” he’s a lovely thoughtful bloke? You need to raise your expectations significantly!

adaline Mon 25-Feb-19 16:18:51

Why do you wait on him hand and foot when he's ill?

Stormtrooper1986 Mon 25-Feb-19 16:19:05

So he’s great 3 times a year and a twat the rest of the time ?

Blanca87 Mon 25-Feb-19 16:20:12

Tell him that. Spell it out to him if he continues this way he will be doing 50/50 parenting if or when you leave him.

MrsTerryPratcett Mon 25-Feb-19 16:20:50

He makes me feel special every birthday or Christmas or special occasion.

Unless he's observing Veteran's Day, Hanukkah, Eid, Diwali and Easter, this can't be more than three or four times a year he's making you feel special. The rest of the time he's a selfish arse to you? Or not?

MereDintofPandiculation Mon 25-Feb-19 16:21:03

He can piss off if he thinks I'm washing his football gear for tonight, when he asks why I'm going to say "because I never do anything for you apparently" Don't do that, it makes you sound like a petulant child. Instead say "because I'm struggling with the pain and having to concentrate on essentials and the things that only I can do".

ScatteredMama82 Mon 25-Feb-19 16:21:15

He sounds charming OP! What a knob. I had flu last week and my DH actually got cross with me for getting out of bed! He sent me packing back upstairs with a cup of tea and a telling off. There is no excuse for your DH being so useless. His job is important? More important than his wife and kids? I doubt it. Hope you feel better soon, glad you got some co-codamol, they will help you sleep too xx

Drogosnextwife Mon 25-Feb-19 16:22:24

Well no more looking after him while he's ill OP. I hope you didn't do any of his washing.

Nanny0gg Mon 25-Feb-19 16:22:42

So he can throw money at thing a but not time?

Money is easy. Time, care and thought, mot so much

Cornishqween Mon 25-Feb-19 16:28:21

We've had that exact conversation, he doesn't get that they're also half his responsibility. He would end up getting a childminder there'd be no way he'd sacrifice a day or two at work.

Ive tried to refuse to help before when he's ill, it turns into a slanging match with me being 'petty' apparently.

He is a shit and at times I don't know how I've let it come to this. He just manipulates me and I feel like the bad guy. I'm no shrinking violet and can really fly off the handle with him so it's not all one way.

TatianaLarina Mon 25-Feb-19 16:30:16

He's got no clue what it takes to care for two kids day in day out. I'm starting to resent him at the moment and I think we need some professional help

Why do you need professional help? Sounds like he’s the one who needs help. Or rather just to get his arse in gear.

DarlingNikita Mon 25-Feb-19 16:31:04

Well, YANBU, but did you really need to even ask?

I mean: if he needs a day off due to illness he lays in bed all day with me bringing him food drinks and medicine, and can always rely on me to take the kids when he's got a dental appointment or doctors appt etc? stop doing that, for starters.

And, basically, tell him to shape up and be a parent and partner, or fuck off.

DarlingNikita Mon 25-Feb-19 16:31:14

Oh, and feel better soon, OP.

kalinkafoxtrot45 Mon 25-Feb-19 16:32:31

He sounds nasty, entitled and unpleasant.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »