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Another "no kids at wedding" thread

(63 Posts)
havingtochangeusernameagain Mon 25-Feb-19 14:37:41

Except that my son is 16 and not invited. He is the groom's cousin, it's my husband's nephew who is getting married. DS will have finished exams/school by the time of the wedding. Info with invite says no kids.

WIBU to ask if ds can attend?

DirtyDennis Mon 25-Feb-19 14:42:45

Does your DS want to go?

clairemcnam Mon 25-Feb-19 14:43:47

Does the groom see much of him at all?

BartonHollow Mon 25-Feb-19 14:44:27

You don't ask if he can go but you ask what the age cut off is for "kids"

16 is NOT a kid

LazyLizzy Mon 25-Feb-19 14:44:42

WIBU to ask if ds can attend?

Yes. Don't ask, it's embarrassing.

PurpleDaisies Mon 25-Feb-19 14:45:06

Is he named on the invitation?

bingoitsadingo Mon 25-Feb-19 14:45:15

Depends. If you have an 18yro daughter who is invited, YANBU. Otherwise, I imagine he isn't invited as a way of cutting down numbers, rather than because they are afraid he will be disruptive. In which case YWBU. Sometimes you have to draw a line somewhere, a cousin that they are presumably not that close to (?) is not an unreasonable place to draw it.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 25-Feb-19 14:45:35

If he’s not named on the invitation then he’s not invited. Does it say yours and husband’s names or “family xxx”?

CaseofEllen Mon 25-Feb-19 14:45:38

I think they would've included your DS on the invite if they wanted to invite him.

NameChangeNugget Mon 25-Feb-19 14:45:49

I would imagine a 16 year old boy would rather crap in his hands and clap, than attend a wedding.

He’s not been invited, don’t be THAT relative....

Merryoldgoat Mon 25-Feb-19 14:45:50

Of course you should ask.

PurpleDaisies Mon 25-Feb-19 14:46:19

Of course you should ask.


Jackshouse Mon 25-Feb-19 14:46:57

What does the invitation say? Smith family? Then ask but or Claire and Roger Smith then don’t.

LazyLizzy Mon 25-Feb-19 14:47:13

Of course you should ask.

Why? OP said he had not been invited.

TildaTurnip Mon 25-Feb-19 14:47:25

Who is the invitation addressed to? If ‘havingtochanheusernameagain and family’ I’d assume he could (but would double check).

ElspethFlashman Mon 25-Feb-19 14:48:16

If he's not on the invite he's not invited, regardless of the semantics of whether he's a "kid" or not.

Watch this thread become an argument about what constitutes a kid but it's irrelevant.

People often don't invite cousins. Especially if they have loads of them. I certainly only invited the ones I saw very regularly.

It is the height of bad form to try to get someone invited to a wedding, btw.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 25-Feb-19 14:48:14

I don't know my cousins hardly at all. Wouldn't occur to them or me to be invited to each other's wedding. How close are they?

BusterTheBulldog Mon 25-Feb-19 14:48:41

I put my friends 15 and 17 year old on the invite, I fully expected they would not come. They did.

I’d be naming them on the invite if I was inviting them. If they are not, I’d say not invited.

PatchworkElmer Mon 25-Feb-19 14:53:02

How is it addressed? I’d others are named and DS isn’t, assume he’s not invited. I wouldn’t ask if that was the case either.

SilverySurfer Mon 25-Feb-19 14:53:46

Why would you ask? If his name is not on the invitation then he has not been invited. Maybe they need to keep numbers down to fit the venue, or the couple have other family/friends who they wish to invite more than your son. I would be surprised anyway if a 16 year old really gave a damn if he went to a wedding or not but suspect it's not him but you who are annoyed at him not being invited.

PBo83 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:54:44

I don't think a 16 year old would come under a 'no kids' policy BUT if he's not on the invite then, regardless, it's safe to assume he's not invited (and please don't ask, that just makes it awkward for everyone particularly, as others said, that a 16 year old lad isn't likely to be chomping at the bit for an invite anyway).

Fabaunt Mon 25-Feb-19 15:00:07

Yeah he’s not invited, don’t ask. That’s mortifying.

thecatsthecats Mon 25-Feb-19 15:00:21

Unless there's a drip feed about older siblings being invited, or special needs, then YABU. He can even stay alone overnight if it's an away do.

havingtochangeusernameagain Mon 25-Feb-19 15:01:12

I had lots of cousins at my wedding. But I am an only child, which is a bit different.

To be fair, I didn't want kids at my wedding but husband insisted partly so that said nephew (and his sister) could attend.

As for "height of bad form", my cousin (who was invited to my wedding along with two kids) not only asked if his daughter (9 at the time) could attend but if she could be my bridesmaid. I was happy for her to be bridesmaid and didn't think it was bad form to ask. I'd been bridesmaid at his older brother's wedding.

PurpleDaisies Mon 25-Feb-19 15:02:38

As for "height of bad form", my cousin (who was invited to my wedding along with two kids) not only asked if his daughter (9 at the time) could attend but if she could be my bridesmaid

That’s incredibly bad form!

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