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When other family members call my DD ‘their girl’

(125 Posts)
BethH94 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:16:04

It might be extremely petty but I can’t help but get pissed off when other family members, on mine and DP’s side, call our DD ‘their girl’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ I really hate it, Can’t bring myself to actually tell people to stop it though!

Anyone else like this? Or AIBU?

Widowodiw Mon 25-Feb-19 20:38:56

We view our nieces and nephews as our extra children so they are our girls/boys. and likewise. We want them to be brought up to know we are all one big family and this reinforces this.

Tinkerbell38 Mon 25-Feb-19 20:43:19

I really must get off MN before I am lucky enough (if ever) to have grandchildren, it terrifies me that there are so many things I will be doing wrong without even realising ! 😩

LL83 Mon 25-Feb-19 20:48:43

@firsttimemum

When you have other close children who aren't your own you will likely feel the bond similar to grandparents. Not the same as your own child but still amazing. When my nephew was born I remember driving to visit thinking "I love this wee person, I haven't even met him and I know I love him" Your baby being "theirs" doesn't take anything from you it's just an expression of how important she is to them.

Seline Mon 25-Feb-19 21:09:29

We view our nieces and nephews as our extra children so they are our girls/boys. and likewise. We want them to be brought up to know we are all one big family and this reinforces this.

This seems really weird and intrusive

firsttimemum Mon 25-Feb-19 21:13:12

Why am I tagged in this reply? Confused!?!

Seline Mon 25-Feb-19 21:17:52

We view our nieces and nephews as our extra children so they are our girls/boys. and likewise. We want them to be brought up to know we are all one big family and this reinforces this.

This seems really weird and intrusive

keepforgettingmyusername Mon 25-Feb-19 21:19:45

It makes me happy that DS have people who love him so much but there's a tiny part of me that screams He's MINE! The same part that raged internally when he was born and all my ILs raved about how much he looked like his dad/compared him to every member of their side of the family. And what about me, I'm his mother, what am I a fucking ham sandwich I wanted to shout! I was a bit hormonal tbf.

anniehm Mon 25-Feb-19 21:20:58

My mum talks about our girls, but they are her only grandkids. My parents would do anything for them so I don't begrudge their live for them. My girls are adults (well the youngest almost ) and I knew that mum would have stepped in if anything had happened to us.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 25-Feb-19 21:22:04

firsttimemum are you firstimemumofDD and the OP?

nokidshere Mon 25-Feb-19 21:22:36

Yabu

How can you even be giving this headspace? Grandparents and other relatives have been calling children and grandchildren or nieces and nephews "my little [whatever]" since forever.

I'm a childminder, I love the children I mind and often call them "my little [munchkin or whatever]". It's just affectionate, it's not like I think they are actually mine. I hope the parents don't mind, no-one has ever complained.

CheshireChat Mon 25-Feb-19 21:30:21

My mum has said before DP is hers as his family isn't interested so definitely don't see the issue. Not sure if she's said similar about DS, but probably because he's bonkers and the hyper gene comes from her.

Seline you've completely written off their dad by saying you're the one to carry and give birth to them, you know.

BartonHollow Mon 25-Feb-19 21:33:18

I am from Merseyside originally were it is an absolute cultural norm to preface the name of anyone related to you who doesn't have a title like Gran with Our

Our Sarah
Our Joanne

Etc

It is just how some people talk

onthenaughtystepagain Mon 25-Feb-19 21:38:14

It must be exhausting, constantly monitoring one's life for tedious things about which to be offended!
In the North almost everyone was referred to as ' our .........', one's sibling was 'ar kid', I should be in a terrible state after all these years of this offensive behaviour.

BartonHollow Mon 25-Feb-19 21:41:40

He could be as related to you as Jackies Husbands Sisters Boy and he'd still be referred to as

"Our Ste...well he's not me real cousin but yanno"

OutComeTheWolves Mon 25-Feb-19 22:15:31

Yanbu but it's just a matter of preference.

Both mine and dh's family call ds 'son' and 'my little boy' and it makes me smile. There's so many children in this world who don't have somebody who loves and cares for them, I can't bring myself to complain that 'too many ' people love my ds. A childhood filled with people who consider him one of their people sounds pretty good to me.

Conversely my friend can't stand it and her reasons for not liking it are equally as valid.

twooutofthreeaintbad Mon 25-Feb-19 22:19:54

My DM & our DS godmother calls our beautiful baby their boy and it makes me proud rather than irritates me. I'm happy to share such an amazing little person with people who genuinely love him

twooutofthreeaintbad Mon 25-Feb-19 22:24:15

@SleepingStandingUp I'm with you on the 'son' thing

YouCantBeSirius Mon 25-Feb-19 22:36:57

My grandpa always called me his girl. If made me feel so loved

Schuyler Mon 25-Feb-19 22:40:42

My grandma calls all her great grandchildren her babies. It’s lovely. Children aren’t owned by their parents, they are born into a family.

I’ve often called my nieces and nephews “my sweetheart” or “my darling”. Is that ok to some of you? I mean, I did it without realising, I said my nieces and nephews. Do people really think I’m seek some sort of possession? Believe me, you couldn’t be more wrong, I have enough to deal with looking after my own offspring.

firsttimemum Mon 25-Feb-19 23:07:21

Great Duck Cookery
No, nor have I seen this post, before I was tagged in a reply. 🤷🏼‍♀️

firsttimemum Mon 25-Feb-19 23:11:29

Great Duck Cookery, now I know, it was a mistype by LL83.

neverhadanymarblestolose Tue 26-Feb-19 11:03:13

My in-laws do this. When talking about my children, they always say 'our Emma'. It just sounds so odd to me. Neither myself or my husband say it, we just use our children's names, so not sure why they are adding unnecessary words. And there are no other people in the family or family friends who have the same names as my children, so it's not done as a way to distinguish who they are talking about.

I've never said anything about it, buy my eldest actually pulls them up on it, as she doesn't like them saying it. She's a strong-willed 7 year old whose quite insistent that she doesn't belong to anyone grin they still persist though.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Tue 26-Feb-19 11:05:44

I use our for my siblings and dc and sometimes my gc. It’s not done out of any sort of ownership though just something we’ve all always done.

llangennith Tue 26-Feb-19 11:14:31

I don't like it either OP but I know I'm in the minority.

nutellalove Tue 26-Feb-19 11:15:15

YAB(massively)U. I would find it lovely that someone loved my child enough to call them 'my girl'.

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