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When other family members call my DD ‘their girl’

(125 Posts)
BethH94 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:16:04

It might be extremely petty but I can’t help but get pissed off when other family members, on mine and DP’s side, call our DD ‘their girl’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ I really hate it, Can’t bring myself to actually tell people to stop it though!

Anyone else like this? Or AIBU?

pigsDOfly Mon 25-Feb-19 14:51:00

Just try to accept this in the spirit in which it's meant and be pleased and happy.

My late ex MIL never said anything like that about my DCs and the expression on my, then teen, DD's face when MIL told her that some girl none of us, other than MIL had ever met, was the sunshine in her (MIL's) life, broke my heart.

FruitRiot Mon 25-Feb-19 14:51:00

It is petty but I really hate it too.
I just bite my tongue.

BertrandRussell Mon 25-Feb-19 14:53:28

My mum used to come through the door and call “Where’s my girl?” and dd used to come flying shouting “Here I am!!” It was lovely.

PengAly Mon 25-Feb-19 14:53:47

I'm guessing those that hate it are also of the "just OUR little family" camp? Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I really don't agree with those that feel parents and siblings stop being part of their family once they have a baby. The family just grows

ChocChocButtons Mon 25-Feb-19 14:54:25

I call the baby boy I nanny for “my boy” I don’t think he’s mine! I think he’s my little mate.

NewGrandad Mon 25-Feb-19 15:01:21

We had my grandson this weekend and I found myself calling him "Son". ie "You can't do that, son." He's not my son but I suppose it's a term of endearment. And at 9 months old it's not going to confuse him.

Magenta83 Mon 25-Feb-19 15:04:21

My French PIL will say regularly "my baby of mine" in French to my DS. It did used to annoy me especially as they were constantly asking to look after or hold DS. I know it was petty and I never said anything. My DS is so lucky to have grandparents like that.

chocatoo Mon 25-Feb-19 15:06:10

OP I know exactly what you mean! It irritates me too. I tell myself that they don't mean anything by it, it's just a way of expressing love...but it really grates on me.

thewreckofthehesperus Mon 25-Feb-19 15:08:00

You know you're being unreasonable. Your daughter is lucky she has so many people who love her. Try not to let it bother you and remember a girl only gets one mother and nothing can take away from that bond.

PengAly Mon 25-Feb-19 15:09:51

I'm not being goady, promise! I'd just really be interested in what it is about this people hate? Its not like a child is an "item" you can own... If you know that they do this out of love than what is bothering you so much about it? I highly doubt any family member are pretending your child is theirs

Noneyerbuisness1234 Mon 25-Feb-19 15:10:45

It’s said in context when I call to their house or when they come to me and it’s directed to the child and only the child when I’m out with him I would never say it like that as clearly he’s not my son he’s my nephew and I would say this is my nephew —-it’s how close r family’s r and yes sil is fine with it I’m the only one who they let mind the child and we’re best friends

Trumponerous Mon 25-Feb-19 15:11:18

I bloody loved it when my relatives called me "our Trumponerous", gave a lovely sense of belonging.

FudgeBrownie2019 Mon 25-Feb-19 15:11:46

My Mum texts me often and asks how "my boys" are doing (as in her boys, not mine). I don't mind it, in fact until this thread it hadn't occurred to me she meant it in an ownership kind of way. I know she adores the bones of them, though, and they think the sun shines from her backside, so I can't be miffed by it.

homegrownmumma Mon 25-Feb-19 15:14:40

I totally get it , very petty but very annoying !

Mine is always my mother in law that I don't get on with , she always refers to her son and my son as her boys , I must of missed when she gave birth to my son 😂🤔

TheFishInThePot Mon 25-Feb-19 15:23:40

That would bug me too. I totally get it.

BlueMerchant Mon 25-Feb-19 15:23:47

Imagine if you had no family around and it was just you and your daughter or worse still you could be part of a family who doesn't give a toss. I wouldn't mind ' their girl'.
I do understand being annoyed at the terms of endearment that suggest a special exclusive bond though. A grandparent of my children thinks she knows them better than us and that they understand them better than us. That's something to be peeved at!

AliceLiddel Mon 25-Feb-19 15:25:45

My MIL used to text things like "so proud of OUR girls, theyre so good" whenever I text over good news/certificates etc. Or "we are so lucky to have our girls". I found it odd at first but got used to it. Its nice she feels so close to them.

So that alone would not (and has not) bothered me.....But If they were overstepping and calling themselves mum or not handing the baby back when I asked or going against my childcare / safety / food choices (like some MILs you read about) then thats a different matter.

BertrandRussell Mon 25-Feb-19 15:30:43

“But If they were overstepping and calling themselves mum or not handing the baby back when I asked or going against my childcare / safety / food choices (like some MILs you read about) then thats a different matter.”

Well, yes. A completely different matter! hmm

AliceLiddel Mon 25-Feb-19 15:40:23

@BertrandRussell I wasnt sure if there was more of a backstory to it and we were going to be dripfed that they also take the child away from her etc.

chocatoo Mon 25-Feb-19 15:41:47

PengAly I find it irritating because I feel that it undermines the role of the mother. 'Our name' doesn't bother me, but 'My name' does. Possibly connected with the people who I have experienced saying it.

PengAly Mon 25-Feb-19 15:43:54

Ok, I mean I do think these days parents are getting more possessive over their children, which is sad as the result seems to be growing distance between family members such as grandparents and siblings.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 25-Feb-19 15:48:16

This again. Honestly, just be glad they love your baby. It comes across as really peevish, not a nice trait.

Ashleighc01 Mon 25-Feb-19 15:51:33

I get pissed off with this too!!! And with pet names! My mum text yesterday saying 'how is my little bomper' - number 1, he's MINE. number 2, he's 6 weeks old and weighs 8lb 14oz... hardly a 'bomper'

I know it was said as a pet name and not meant any other way but still fuming lol

Crabbyandproudofit Mon 25-Feb-19 15:53:46

What's the expression? "It takes a village to raise a child."

Be glad that your DD has other people in her life who love and care for her and will take pride in everything she does. One day she may make you a grandmother and I'm sure you will feel the same about your DGC.

Cranky17 Mon 25-Feb-19 15:57:53

It’s 100% your issue, I wonder if you would feel the same if it was your mum. You should look within to see why you feel this way.

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