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To think this is abit strange (nursery related)

(25 Posts)
bibbityboppity Mon 25-Feb-19 13:17:17

Ok so for abit of background, me and XP are not together but are still very much involved with each other.
We don't sleep together but he takes me shopping as I don't drive, he does most of the school runs with me and we don't live together anymore but he does spend a couple of hours a day at my house as the place he is living at the minute isn't really child friendly (living with a relative who takes A LOT of medication and they need to be easily accessed which means children could also get hold of them).

I understand having an ex so involved is abit strange to other people but while we're both not seeing anyone else, it works for us and our eldest child is very hard work so I welcome the support.

Our 4 year old has come out of nursery today saying that one of the nursery teachers has been quizzing her on where her dad lives.
DD said that the teacher asked over and over again "where does daddy live? Does daddy live with you" and in the end DD got frustrated with all of the questions and shouted no.

It may seem like such an non issue, and maybe it is and I'm just being paranoid but the nursery are aware of her dads living conditions, we've told them that her dad doesn't live with us but is still very much involved and in any circumstances he is to contacted at the same priority as I would be.

DD was quite frustrated coming out of nursery, she gets very agitated easily and being hounded with questions about her dad had really seemed to annoy her.

I'm going to ask the nursery tomorrow if they have any questions they need answering about our living situation and asking our 4 year old probably isn't the best method, especially the way they had asked her.

Would this have bothered you or am I being an absolute idiot to think this is an issue?
More than happy to be told IABU, they are a wonderful nursery but I just found it very strange.

SoyDora Mon 25-Feb-19 13:19:05

Hmm... do they maybe suspect you’re claiming benefits that you’re not entitled to or something like that?

Charas96 Mon 25-Feb-19 13:19:13

Highly unprofessional!!!

SoyDora Mon 25-Feb-19 13:19:49

But yes, they should not be quizzing a child in their care. Very unprofessional.

flitwit99 Mon 25-Feb-19 13:20:07

It would bother me. I would speak to them tomorrow. They are completely out of order quizzing a young child like that. I don't know why they even need to know tbh.

bibbityboppity Mon 25-Feb-19 13:21:02

In regards to the benefits (im absolutely not claiming anything I shouldn't be) but even if I were, what business would that be of the nurseries? I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thought it to be weird!

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Mon 25-Feb-19 13:22:24

Maybe they are concerned he has been removed by the police for some reason and are concerned about her /your welfare?
Any change that affects a dc are best discussed with nursery properly. Ime staff have been very supportive when I got divorced.
Yanbu to say they should have questioned you not a dc though.

SoyDora Mon 25-Feb-19 13:26:02

No business of theirs really, I was just offering a suggestion as to why they might be asking. I did also say it was very unprofessional.

bibbityboppity Mon 25-Feb-19 13:31:04

Soy thank you so much for your suggestion, so sorry if I sounded rude back to you I hadn't intended to!

ItStartedWithAKiss241 Mon 25-Feb-19 13:34:12

I completely get why this would be annoyed, execially of DC is upset. If they did suspect a safety issue tho, it’s quite normal for them to speak to the child before you and schools would also do this. X

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Mon 25-Feb-19 13:38:38

I would have a word and let them know they've overstepped the mark.

However it may not have been deliberate prying. My DS is also 4, and his nursery class has just done a week on families, where they did family trees etc. This brought up differences between families, and the children and staff all discussed their home set-ups. As a single parent I was worried DS might be made to feel different/less, but actually it was fine.

The questions may have been to rule out 4 year old confusion. One of DS's friends told everyone he has no mother, but I have met her many times!

BreastSideStory Mon 25-Feb-19 13:39:39

I had a similar thing happen with my DS at his nursery. I’m friendly with my ex and my exPILs too.
Turned out my ex was shagging the nursery worker and when he broke it off she thought he may actually still be in a relationship with me.
I was really cross with ex for not telling me as I believed it to be a conflict of interest as this woman was looking after our son 8 hours a day. I complained to the nursery about her behaviour too and removed my son shortly afterwards.
Maybe the nursery worker has a thing for your ex and is trying to see where the land lies between you and him?

lmusic87 Mon 25-Feb-19 13:46:42

This sounds more like they are looking at safeguarding than anything else

bibbityboppity Mon 25-Feb-19 13:52:20

No family trees etc, DD told me she was playing with a friend and the friend was told to go play somewhere else while the teacher had a word.
Don't think she has a thing for XP as she's married with two children of her own but that never stops people!

bibbityboppity Mon 25-Feb-19 13:53:04

I'm really not sure what safeguarding issues they would have though, it's very bizarre I'll be speaking to them tomorrow to clear up any confusion they may have.

BreastSideStory Mon 25-Feb-19 13:54:32

Don't think she has a thing for XP as she's married with two children
Our nursery worker was in a LTR and her son was my DS’s friend in the same nursery class

HaventGotAllDay Mon 25-Feb-19 13:55:51

She sounds very advanced for a 4 year old.
Maybe ask the nursery what they actually asked as opposed to what your dd has said.
The fact that your dd said the teacher spoke to her in private does sound as though the staff are somehow suspicious of something. Maybe ask them.

bibbityboppity Mon 25-Feb-19 14:00:17

She is extremely advanced for a 4 year old, they tell me this on a weekly basis. At parents evening they told me the children were asked to count, some managed to reach 10, my DD counted to over 100.
She is very honest and tells me everything so bluntly so when she tells me something from nursery it's usually extremely accurate.

BettyDuMonde Mon 25-Feb-19 14:09:15

You can be separated, living under one roof and still legally claiming benefits so if that’s what they are asking in relation to, they are misguided.

PCohle Mon 25-Feb-19 14:12:14

To be honest it sounds like they were just being nosey. It's an usual set up and might be a topic of gossip/discussion at the nursery.

Obvious that's very unprofessional but I wouldn't necessarily read anything more sinister into it re benefits or SS.

Jackshouse Mon 25-Feb-19 14:14:46

If it was a safe guarding concern then ss would be the people to speak to not OP’s child.

Charliesdarling Mon 25-Feb-19 14:23:51

maybe she fancies your ex?

twinklebee Mon 25-Feb-19 14:24:05

It sounds to me like they were just being nosey to be honest. I can't imagine there being any "official" reason why they'd be asking a child any information about their home life.

Youaremyfavourite Mon 25-Feb-19 14:37:47

I am a primary school teacher and there are are a few different instances where a teacher might ask a child for clarification about there home life. For example, a child may mentioned when at play something relating to their dad being at their house. As their key worker / teacher you know the parents to be separated.. the teacher may then wonder if the family circumstances have changed and ask the child simply if “daddy now lives at your house?” It is a perfectly incident question and one that will often explain changes in behaviour or other things the teacher has observed. Knowledge like this will help teachers to support your child more thoroughly .. remember they spend a lot of time with your child and know them well so want to be able to understand the family dinamics so that they can make sense od what your child tells them and what / how they might feel. It seems very innocent as long as your child wasn’t pressed and asked the same question on repeat. If that is the case it seems a bit odd and I would have expected them to come to you for a chat if there was something they wanted cleared up RE the family set up.

Youaremyfavourite Mon 25-Feb-19 14:38:17


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