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To wonder how I’m going to help DH lose weight!

(40 Posts)
Helpmepleasenow48 Mon 25-Feb-19 13:06:10

I’ve not posted in the diet forums yet...
My DH needs to lose at least 3 stone.
He’s 48 and also smokes, though he’s just got a vape thingy.
Basically he eats too much, we don’t have much junk food and our indulgence is a weekly take away. The rest of the time we mostly cook from scratch.
For example yesterday at breakfast he had four slices of toast.
He’s asked me to cook some no carb stuff as he wants to try Michael Moseley’s blood group/fast diet which starts off at 800 calories a day for a few weeks.
I don’t need to lose weight. I’m 5ft 8 and weigh just under 10 stone - I do loads of exercise but not to lose weight, so I need my carbs.
My husband did start a diet but after a week gave up.
He looks very bloated and not healthy - it breaks my heart.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Mon 25-Feb-19 13:10:34

You arent a nutritionalist, neither is he. Tell him to get to the GP , who will give him a 12 week referral to Slimming World. There are male dominated groups, mine is one.

Helpmepleasenow48 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:19:27

Ah thank you didn’t know that

MoMandaS Mon 25-Feb-19 14:21:42

You can do the BSD recipes but just add carbs for you. Ideally he needs to be exercising as well once he's done the initial 8 weeks.

FranklinTheCat Mon 25-Feb-19 14:22:16

Could you cook no-carb stuff and add a portion of carbs for yourself?

For example, spaghetti bolognese but you have spaghetti and he has spiralised courgettes or similar? Beef stroganoff but he has more stroganoff and veg and you have rice?

MrsTerryPratcett Mon 25-Feb-19 14:25:22

If he goes no carb he actually needs to be no carb for it to work. Not just cook some no carb things.

I'm low carbing while the rest of the family doesn't. It's easy really. They just have potatoes and Yorkshires with their roast while I don't. If you want him to succeed, maybe try it.

Seniorschoolmum Mon 25-Feb-19 14:26:13

Can you swap wholemeal for white. Try to include food that takes longer to digest. Add more veg. Use skimmed milk. Don’t have sweets, crisps & biscuits in the house. Do jacket potatoes rather than roasties.

Can you get him out walking more?

Grumpasaurous Mon 25-Feb-19 14:28:04

You don’t need a GP referral for slimmin world.

Have a quick google for 12 weeks free and the link to your local area should come up. Takes about 5 mins to fill in the form and then you get a voucher thru the post.

Otherwise I’d recommend the 5:2 so similar to the 800 one but fasting for 2 days only.

I’ve dropped 15lb in 4 weeks on that one.

whitehorsesdonotlie Mon 25-Feb-19 14:28:27

Why is it up to you to cook more healthily or change what you cook for him? Why can't he do it? You can obviously manage your own weight.

Unfeathered Mon 25-Feb-19 14:31:24

The Fast 800 Michael Mosley book is brilliant. Im like you and don't need to lose weight, neither do our DC.. But DH is doing the Fast 800 to the letter and we're a enjoying the med diet.. DC and I are eating carbs along with it and DH is carb free. He has lost 2 stone in 6 weeks and he's quite enjoying it! Great knowing the DC and I are actually eating better too! It's been great!

Unfeathered Mon 25-Feb-19 14:32:04

*all enjoying the med diet (Mediterranean)

TalkinPeece Mon 25-Feb-19 14:33:31

you cannot help him until he is ready to help himself

IM0GEN Mon 25-Feb-19 14:35:49

He needs to take ownership of this himself. He needs to work out the meal plans and do the shopping at the wekends, there’s no excuse for him not doing that, even if you cook all the meals.

As PP have said, you can just add in some carbs for yourself.

Do NOT be in charge of this for him. I speak from hard experience here.

My Dh is also very overweight and I’m not. I spent years of my life cooking 2 meals, one for me and the kids and one for him. Then he’d go out to the corner shop and buy 2-3 mars bars / twix and scoff them. I’d make healthy packed lunches and he keep his his desk drawer stocked with chocolate and crisps.

Your husband will not lose weight because he needs to. He will only lose it when HE wants to. Ditto the smoking.

PinkHeart5914 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:36:17

He doesn’t need to go to the Gp or need be a nutritionist to lose weight and 3 stone to lose is hardy a vast amount.

He also started a diet and gave up after a week? He needs to find some willpower then doesn’t he, the weight is not going to come off without some effort for him, not from you from him.

He is an adult, he is also overweight. If he wants to do this 800 calories diet, order the book from amazon and he can read up on the diet.

Google is also your friend for finding good recipes And then you can either eat the same but have a bigger portion or add carbs to yours

Also he needs to find an exercise and get moving. Take up running, cycling or even walking more

Dimsumlosesum Mon 25-Feb-19 14:36:30

Dietings all well and good but he also needs to obviously have a really good exercise plan to compliment a new way of eating. Dieting only lasts so long unless he realises this is now his forever way of eating day to day.

halfwitpicker Mon 25-Feb-19 14:39:06

Why is this your responsibility!?

bluechameleon Mon 25-Feb-19 14:39:21

My DH also needs to lose weight. I've lost a lot (don't own scales so don't know how much bt I've gone down two sizes) in the last few months but he hasn't lost any despite me dramatically changing what I cook. I think his issues are portion size, lack of awareness/prioritising healthiness, and an inability to leave anything unfinished. I want to help but it needs to be led by him I think - what has worked for me is deciding where I can happily make changes and what I don't want to compromise on, so for instance I still have butter on bread and cook with normal oil instead of frylight but I've cut down dramatically on pasta, cheese, biscuits etc.

halfwitpicker Mon 25-Feb-19 14:39:49

Fwiw he doesn't need a book, there's a MM thread on here in Weightloss.

arkela Mon 25-Feb-19 14:41:18

Dietings all well and good but he also needs to obviously have a really good exercise plan to compliment a new way of eating. Dieting only lasts so long unless he realises this is now his forever way of eating day to day.

I'm afraid that's well-meaning but incorrect advice. Losing weight is 90% nutrition, 10% exercise. If he is having a hard time with the nutrition, introducing additional changes might be the thing that makes him think "This is too much." Baby steps. Food first.

CallipygianFancier Mon 25-Feb-19 14:42:27

Lower carb and high protein always works well for me, but 800 calories a day sounds extremely low, especially to just jump straight into.
I'd say first thing to do is get him tracking exactly what he's eating at present for a week or so, and see where it's really adding up calories for little benefit.

What will work best for him will very much depend on his personality and tastes, and what he does for exercise etc.

Also, while there's a point at which you really can just weigh too much, things like measurements and how clothes fit are probably a better metric to work to - if he's getting slimmer and fitter but the scales aren't moving much, that's absolutely fine.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 25-Feb-19 14:44:10

He’s the one who needs to change, he needs to take responsibility for what he puts in his mouth and shopping and cooking to make sure he’s got the right options available.

My mum needed to shift some weight pre surgery and had massive success with the BSD. It was very impressive.

If you take on the cooking so he can try it he’s not owning it and you both risk him blaming you for him not sticking to it if he’s not mad about the meals or ends up snacking around it.

ShirleyPhallus Mon 25-Feb-19 14:45:01

Why on earth is he asking you to cook for him and not doing it himself?!

Whattodonut Mon 25-Feb-19 14:48:09

My DH is helping me loose weight. It is tough when he doesn't need to (super fit runner)
So what we do is
No carbs with dinner for me. We have bean chilli, he has more, we both have a bit of cheese (because i can't do without cheese) and he has rice. I have extra veg on every plate so I dont feel so hungry. So his plate is normal, mine is 60%veg and 40% protein.

The problem is more when I'm not eating at home!

TheLionQueen1 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:49:07

Another than seconds Slimming World! My Dh (and I) had both put on weight when I had my DS, all the rubbish food when I was on maternity leave!! We both joined slimming world and have now lost over 4stone each and it's nice to do something together, even if it is just SW!

DailyMailFail101 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:54:57

Can you get him out walking more? 😂😂 she’s not married to a dog

Seaweed42 Mon 25-Feb-19 15:05:29

He's pushing it back on you again. Here's his Plan:
(1) get her to cook me some stuff to make me lose weight
(2) get her to buy me a book
(3) eat an apple while I flick through the book
(4) better wait till Monday because I'm going out on Thursday night anyway
(5) use the book as a table mat

Helpmepleasenow48 Mon 25-Feb-19 15:09:14

Yes I agree reading all your comments he does need to accept a bit more responsibility. For example I haven’t bought any biscuits sweets crisps etc but found a packet from the kids selection stocking. It had three small bars of chocolate in which I kept aside for my DC as a treat. He somehow found it and snaffled them all in one go when we had all gone to bed!

MrsTerryPratcett Mon 25-Feb-19 15:16:36

DH and I did Dry January. He likes beer more than I like wine. He would want to cheat and say things like, "what will you say if I have a beer?". He CHOSE to do DJ, I didn't make him. But this is the nonsense he reverts to. So I say things like, "I'm not your mother, do what you like".

Same with your DH and the chocolate. He wants to eat the chocolate and now it's become a secret vice. He's putting this on you.

You can support him. But he has to actually want to change and commit to change. If he makes it your issue, then it's your fault if he fails.

IM0GEN Mon 25-Feb-19 15:25:13

That sounds like my STBXH.

It became a way for him to avoid all personal responsibility for his health. He’s sneak out to buy chocolate after dinner, then whine

“ I had to I was STARVING. How can you expect me to be full after that rabbit food”

“ it’s ok for you, you like vegetables. Why are you forcing me to eat that muck? “

“ I hate X , I’ll get a carry out “ ( the meal he has asked me to cook)

Basically he turned into a spoilt whiny teenager. All his resentment and anger about his weight was turned towards me because I was MAKING him do things he didn’t want to. If he was hungry it was MY FAULT. He enjoyed getting one up on me by sabotaging his diet at every turn.

If I bought treats for the kids, it was my fault he had to eat them all. If I didn’t buy treats for the kids, it was my fault they had none. If I didn’t buy treats but Let the kids buy them on the way home from school, he would sulk and harass the children until they gave him some.

He eventually lost about one stone of the ?? 5 or 6 he had to. But then he became even more angry because, according to him, it didn’t make any difference . I’m not sure what he expected to happen - maybe Hollywood arrive with a film contact or a super model ravish him in the street.

So he put the weight back on to spite me. Now he tells people that he tried to diet but it didn’t work. It’s bollocks, he never tried at all. The only person who worked at it and who was invested in it was me.

AbbieLexie Mon 25-Feb-19 15:31:05

Not sure how relevant but we started by adding extra beans and lentils to all our main courses to bulk up our meals. We ended up eating smaller portions.

TalkinPeece Mon 25-Feb-19 16:24:13

Until he decides to lose weight, you are wasting your time and effort.

Yonks ago there was a wonderful study that nearly half of all pork pies were bought in cash by a person who had just paid for a large shop on a card .....

secret eating is really common

BarbaraofSevillle Mon 25-Feb-19 16:47:54

What is he eating for lunch and snacks while out of the house at work and what does he plan to eat for breakfast instead of 4 slices of toast, which will not feature regularly in any healthy eating or diet plan.

You could be making him something healthy and delicious for dinner every day but it will all be a waste of time and effort if he's getting coffee and pastries on the way to work, and then buying his lunch from McDonalds, Greggs, KFC, supermarkets etc because most options are unhealthy and very calorific, unless you choose very carefully.

Iamboudicca Mon 25-Feb-19 16:56:37

The Michael Mosley 5:2 worked for me and the Mediterean diet was enjoyed by DH too ( although he didn’t need to loose weight) just changed the balance of our meals - more carbs for DH more veg/salads for me. Felt healthy doing it and it was pretty managable. It did take. bit of planning for - I found changing my shopping habits hardest and it did raise our food bills quite a bit.

I decided to take a break after 3 months ( and 10 kgs) but after 6 months the weight is beginning to creep back as I go back to my old habits so I’ll be getting back on the blood sugar waggon - tomorrow? Definately doable and far more successful ( for me) than WW or SW.

Papillon45 Mon 25-Feb-19 17:30:42

I’d recommend Slimming World and ask around for recommendations for the best group x

Helpmepleasenow48 Wed 27-Feb-19 09:08:58

I've now read a lot of the MM BSD and it looks doable for me - in fact I could do with cutting out sugar mainly for my IBS - which seems to get better when I don't eat any of it.
Asked my DSis for advice and she told e I was obsessed with looks and fitness! Which was not helpful!

MrsTerryPratcett Wed 27-Feb-19 14:45:21

I could do with cutting out sugar mainly for my IBS - which seems to get better when I don't eat any of it.

I've been low-carbing for two months and haven't had one incident of IBS. The only twinge was when I tried konjac noodles. Other than that, completely fine.

EmeraldShamrock Wed 27-Feb-19 15:02:26

It depends on his attitude, I helped by DP by cooking sw hearty currys with lots of veg and slimming world chips, he could eat bacon eggs beans tomatoes for breakfast he likes to fill up, as soon as he had to take over himself he put on 3 stone, the 2 heist plus an extra.
It has effected the relationship because of his lack of willpower, excessive eating.
Unfortunately you can't help your DH unless he really wants to change.

Helpmepleasenow48 Wed 27-Feb-19 15:34:38

mrsterry how sugar free/carb free did you go?
Did you cut out alcohol as well.

MrsTerryPratcett Wed 27-Feb-19 15:39:05

None for the first few weeks, now limited. Zero fruit and carbs mainly from green vegetables and some dairy.

Helpmepleasenow48 Wed 27-Feb-19 19:47:41

On another thread someone mentioned carb flu?!

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