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Aibu being NC with Sister

(9 Posts)
0hMyDayz Mon 25-Feb-19 12:18:55

Dilemma! NC with younger Sister, for around 3 years, due to many, many reasons, too many to list. My Grandmother is 94 and very poorly and thinks that I should get back in contact with Sister.

I have blocked in most social media but forget to do so on Snapchat....yesterday she tried to add me and it's got me thinking about speaking to her again.

So not to drip feed, this has happened many times over the year, going NC, me feeling guilty, starting contact and then her doing something awful which I can accept and going NC again, it's a vicious cycle!

Home77 Mon 25-Feb-19 12:22:03

Maybe you could think about:

Why you want to get in touch, do you have good things in the relationship also? also having some boundaries so you don't tolerate the bad behaviour. You can even explain these to her, perhaps.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 25-Feb-19 12:22:56

How many times are you willing to be hurt by your sister just to make other people happy? Hopefully, never again.

userschmoozer Mon 25-Feb-19 12:24:38

Have you heard of FOG - Fear, Obligation, Guilt?
Your grandmother may or may not be aware of the problems between you and your sister, but few people go NC without a good reason. So she is being unreasonable putting pressure on you to ignore the problems rather than on your sister to get her shit together.

How likely is it that she is unaware of your sisters behaviour? Can you talk to her about it?

InsomniaTho Mon 25-Feb-19 12:24:49

Don’t do it.

I’m NC with my DBro for the third and final time. I adore my Grandparents. Before they didn’t understand it, but this time they completely get it and would like to cut contact themselves but they won’t due to Great Grandchild. My parents feel the same.

everydaymum Mon 25-Feb-19 12:26:02

If the stress and aggravation caused by contact with your sister outweighs any positives, then YANBU.
I'm going through this with DM. The drama and stress is too much to deal with, whilst the feeling of lightness and positivity when I have no contact is marvellous. But then I get sucked back into contact and the cycle starts again...

maximumcarnage Mon 25-Feb-19 12:30:18

Well I went NC with mine about twenty plus years ago. She was vile and I could real off a list as long as my arm about the problems I had with her. Anyway she has been trying to get in touch these past couple of years and you'd think my sister had morphed into Mary Poppins, with all the sweetness and light. I don't buy it for a nano second. I've got no intention of entertaining her in my life. We have good reasons to go NC and never on a whim. I suspect there's an alterior motive behind her efforts.

Don't get me wrong, I don't unload with both barrels but I keep any exchange to the point and polite. I don't engage with her at all. Despite disney animals coming out of the forest when she sings (I can't back that up) or local villagers start dancing in step with her (I can't back that up either).

If this is something YOU want to do, and are prepared to accept potential sharpnal and the cries for a medic, go for it. Otherwise remember why you made the decision and keep contact to a minimum or even not at all. Good luck.

0hMyDayz Mon 25-Feb-19 12:32:04

@userschmoozer My whole family are aware of the reasons but the are huge enablers.....and I am not!

GM is old and poorly and just wants her last months to be easy, she is also worried about it being awkward at her funeral, I've tried to reassure that it won't be her problem but she just wants her grandchildren to get on. The whole family is messed up tbh.

0hMyDayz Mon 25-Feb-19 12:36:36

She is a liar, a thief and possibly on drugs, we fought like cat and dog all through childhood and into adulthood but when she is not being a massive twat she can be funny and kind and a good laugh. I was there at the birth of my neice, looked after her for weeks while Sister was in hospital after getting beaten up by her ex and she has even lived with me at points. I guess I feel I'm too old for the drama now.

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