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to refuse to use their bathroom?

(82 Posts)
gkdivr Mon 25-Feb-19 11:23:10

I don't live with my DP/BF whatever you want to refer to him as. He has a job which involves me working away most weeks, he is only at his home about 2-3 weekends in a month, plus a couple of extra days, the rest of the time he is in accommodation near his workplace.

I go to stay with him normally one of those weekends. His home is just a base for him, it's rented and v basic. There is no shower nor ability to have one (we tried getting one of those that attach to the taps but the taps are a really odd size and it wouldn't fit at all). You can have a bath however the bathroom is freezing and the water pressure really poor so it takes a good 20 mins to get the bath half full.

My partner normally visits a relative who lives about a mile away and showers there. I'm not comfortable with this so when i stay there have to make do with a small bath or strip wash for the 2 days.

I know my partner finds my objection to going to relatives home for a shower a bit odd especially as I'm not happy about the bath/ wash situation at his place. But for me I'm just not comfortable with getting dressed going in the car to his relatives, having a chat with them, then getting in the shower, getting dressed, going home etc.

Is this just me or would you also not feel happy doing this?

Holidayshopping Mon 25-Feb-19 11:25:09

No, of course I wouldn’t like this. That’s horrible not having adequate washing facilities at his home.

Can’t he stay at yours?

Cloudtree Mon 25-Feb-19 11:25:50

run the bath and go and watch tv whilst it fills? Its hardly a problem is it.

ScatteredMama82 Mon 25-Feb-19 11:28:53

I wouldn't want to go to the relatives to shower, I'd make do with the facilities at his place.

Damntheman Mon 25-Feb-19 11:37:57

I don't think you're unreasonable to not want to go to his relative's house in order to shower. That is odd!

KinkyHair Mon 25-Feb-19 11:39:10

I would just use the bath. Mine also takes ages to fill but I just sort the washing or something while I’m waiting.

JinglingHellsBells Mon 25-Feb-19 11:50:35

If this is a long term arrangement and you are going to carry on seeing him at weekends, I'd be pushing him to move somewhere with better facilities! It's hardly adequate for him and it's rather odd- my DH showers morning and night, so there is no way a trip to a relative would be practical.

Is your DP showering every day or just as and when? hmm

Is money the issue? can he not afford somewhere that is better even if it's just better heating in the bathroom?

I think if he expects you to do the trip, he needs to get his act together, or come to you, and not expect you to live in a hovel. smile

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking Mon 25-Feb-19 11:51:47

Would also just use the bath. We did this for 2 years when renting a very cheap flat to save money for first deposit. No shower, crap water flow, electric heating.

BettyDuMonde Mon 25-Feb-19 11:51:50

I had to bathe at DH’s cousins house on our wedding day 😂

It’s clearly normal for them, but not normal for you. Neither of you are BU though.

Could you ‘gift’ him a heated towel rail or similar to make your baths less unpleasant?

mumwon Mon 25-Feb-19 11:52:11

get large bucket & jug you can then crouch in bath & wash all over

Asta19 Mon 25-Feb-19 11:52:17

Same here, mine takes ages to fill. I have a shower but do like a bath sometimes so I just get on with something else while I wait. I don't see it as that big of an issue.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking Mon 25-Feb-19 11:53:03

Or I'd insist he came to me. Would not be going to relatives.

ifonly4 Mon 25-Feb-19 11:53:54

As it's only for a couple of days at a time, I'd get in the bath when it's half full and use a flannel to splash water over myself and then rinse soap/shower gel (or you could use a jug). I know it's no much fun being cold, but at least it's warming up - our heating didn't come on this morning as it was warm from the sun yesterday.

missbattenburg Mon 25-Feb-19 11:55:42

I'd run the bath. I too have lived places where the bath takes half an hour or more to fill properly.

Better than going over to someone else's to wash, imo.

Shoxfordian Mon 25-Feb-19 12:03:44

I wouldn't be going to stay somewhere without adequate facilities. Can he stay with you instead?

theemmadilemma Mon 25-Feb-19 12:06:30

Eh I had to do that in my exhb bathroom many years ago. It was do able a couple of times a week. But no I wouldn't be trotting around to his relatives house, that's just weird.

MirriVan Mon 25-Feb-19 12:07:55

Most baths I've used have taken that long to fill to half so I don't really see the objection to waiting - it's to be expected. In one place I lived the shower room was minging and creepy so I got into the habit of using the bath every evening. It's actually quite pleasant once you get used to it.

I don't think I'd be happy going to the relative's to shower - it's not really very convenient is it? (Also I hope he's bunging them some cash to cover costs!).

Could he get some quotes for a shower installation and request one from the landlord? Even if the landlord says no it might be worth your BF splashing out (ha!) on it himself (with permission of course) if he intends to stay there for any length of time.

Antonin Mon 25-Feb-19 12:11:45

Does your BF intend to rent this place long term? Could he ask the landlord if BF and you could pay to have new taps with shower installed? Shouldn’t be prohibitively expensive.
Sure you can “make do” as posters have suggested but there comes a limit.

ravenmum Mon 25-Feb-19 12:11:53

I wouldn't want to do it either. You presumably don't know his relative that well, it would be awkward. And a car trip, just to wash? If he's making out that you are weird to want to wash at his place, then HIBU.

Bluntness100 Mon 25-Feb-19 12:12:16

Just run thr bath and go and do something else and have a quick bath. Not a major issue surely?

ravenmum Mon 25-Feb-19 12:24:09

Also wondering why this is an issue. Is he making it one?

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 25-Feb-19 12:31:40

Gosh it really isn’t that much of a big deal surely? You can either get him to ask the ll if they / you could change the taps and put a shower head and curtain up. If it isn’t tiled high that’s an issue. In that case you could have a sit down shower.

I understand it’s annoying but really it’s 2/3 times a month. I used to live in a lot worse as a student. It was pretty horrible to have no central heating and the bath took an age to run.

If you are physically disabled that’s different.

ravenmum Mon 25-Feb-19 12:39:45

OP isn't complaining about the bath, though, is she? She wants to use the bath.

Vicky1990 Mon 25-Feb-19 12:43:10

The best way to heat the bathroom quickly is with a fan heater.
If you do not have a power socket in there use an extension lead of the correct power rating.
In my bathroom I also have a small oil filled radiator that is set on the lowest heat setting and left on all the time during the winter, this keeps the bathroom warm so I do not have to run the whole house central heating, it's also cheap to run.
Observe the normal safety rules of electrical equipment in a bathroom, especially you not been able to touch equipment while you are in the bath.

Eliza9917 Mon 25-Feb-19 12:45:10

Rig up a camping shower over his bath grin

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