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Boyfriend asked me to exercise

(247 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

SecretProfile Mon 25-Feb-19 09:36:08

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 5 months. This weekend just gone he suggested I do some squats. It started out jokingly and then he brought up the squats again then he suggested lunges as “surely you can cope with lunges?” - he then looked at me very seriously.

I’m currently an Australian size 8 and I’m 57kg. I’m short but I’m in the healthy BMI range.

The history of this is I’ve been very unwell lately and doctors and specialists are trying to work out what is wrong with me.

I’m too tired to exercise and I’m often sick and taking a lot of painkillers.

I’m thinking that he isn’t happy with my body, even though I’ve seen pictures of his ex-wife and she looks to be a size 16.

The only comment he makes about my body is that he loves my tits (yes, he says tits).

Is this a red flag or am I oversensitive to this? I am very insecure about my weight and his comments have bothered me.

Porridgeprincess Mon 25-Feb-19 09:38:44

Not oversensitive at all. You are at a normal weight and dealing with health issues and he is showing that he is not happy with your body 5 MONTHS IN

If your friend told you this exact issue in her relationship, how would you feel on her behalf

It is too soon for him to be showing his colours like this. I would seriously think hard about where this relationship could go.

SecretProfile Mon 25-Feb-19 09:38:46

Also, I would often be a size 6 top/jackets but my breasts are quite large, which is why I wear a size 8. I still have hips and wear size 8 skirts or a size 9 in jeans.

Porridgeprincess Mon 25-Feb-19 09:39:37

You do not have to explain your body to anyone. It is no acceptance you need from anyone.

IDoN0tCare Mon 25-Feb-19 09:41:06

The only exercise you need is the one that involves walking him to the door and throwing him out of it! 5 months in and he’s already judging your body and trying to manipulate your self worth?! Fuck that! It’s only the start of his mind games and will get worse as the relationship goes on.

ladybirdsarelovely33 Mon 25-Feb-19 09:42:04

I would def see a red flag flying high here. You are unwell. I would expect an OH to be supportive and kind, ensuring you rest and eat well.
What kind of person would tell their OH to do exercises unless they were their personal trainer or under the instruction of a physio?

Porridgeprincess Mon 25-Feb-19 09:42:46

Very true, it is a start of mind games. You are questioning if your own body is acceptable. It is a pretty shitty thing to comment on a persons body negatively esp when the person themselves feel perfectly fine !!

OnlyFoolsnMothers Mon 25-Feb-19 09:43:21

5 months? Don’t bother continuing this relationship

PotteryGirl Mon 25-Feb-19 09:44:19

So in just 5 months he likes your tits, he's unhappy with the rest of you and shows no compassion to you in relation to your health and mental wellness. He sounds like a great catch. I bet you deserve better..don't you? Get rid.

Handsfull13 Mon 25-Feb-19 09:45:22

Unless you were obese and your doctor told you to exercise more for your health then your bf has no reason to be pushing you to exercise. It's your body and your choice.

I'd flat out ask him why he keeps bringing it up. His answer will tell you whether he's worth being in a relationship with.

Whereareyouspot Mon 25-Feb-19 09:45:37

Stop explaining your body on here. It’s yours and it’s not anyone else’s business

Was your BF maybe suggesting exercise to help you feel better? I’m often nudging my DH to get out on his bike or play tennis because he always feels better when he does but doesn’t always motivate himself without a suggestion!
Maybe BF has not even correlated your body with the squats but that you will feel strong and better physically

Women are much more likely to exercise with calories in mind.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 Mon 25-Feb-19 09:47:56

Before jumping down his throat... am I right in thinking he didn't actually criticise your body, just suggested some exercises? Without knowing the context of that conversation, it could have just been casual chatter about what he gets up to at the gym and what you might like to try?

I wouldn't take offence. He may be concerned that you're not exercising because you're ill and is trying to gently encourage it! It sounds like you're a bit over sensitive about your current (totally normal-sounding) weight.

Whereareyouspot Mon 25-Feb-19 09:48:57

Yes and all the posters on here straight into LTB over one comment as far as we know

Redwinestillfine Mon 25-Feb-19 09:49:10

Firstly I hope you feel better soon and get to the bottom of what's making you tired. If he's not supportive when you are sick, he may well not be the best man for you. You do sound a bit obsessed with size ( mentioning you would've a 6 but for your chest for example and bringing up his ex wife's size). Size is just a number. It doesn't mean anything and you certainly shouldn't be linking it in any way to happiness. Be confident in yourself for who you are.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 Mon 25-Feb-19 09:49:34

It feels a bit like you WANT the wrath of Mumsnet to fall upon him ("Yes, he says tits")

SecretProfile Mon 25-Feb-19 09:50:55

My doctor has not told me to exercise. The only thing my doctor has commented on is how she likes how I dress (which was nice). To be fair, my bf has told me he likes how I dress - but I also spend a lot of $$ on clothes and am planning to put a stop to that.

We went shopping this weekend and I bought a size 8 top which was the smallest that shop makes and he said I should try it on. I had one in a different colour and told him that it’s likely too big - but it it is, I’ll have it altered as they don’t make anything smaller.

woollyheart Mon 25-Feb-19 09:51:59

He might just be encouraging you to try some exercise because you have been unwell and have been saying you were tired.

Some gentler exercises might be more suitable....

SecretProfile Mon 25-Feb-19 09:53:40

@FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 absolutely, that could have happened!! Except it didn’t happen. He brought up me doing lunges without any segway into the conversation.

He doesn’t like my body because he’s never said he likes it. The only thing he comments on is my tits (and that I dress well - but that is a comment on my clothes).

madcatladyforever Mon 25-Feb-19 09:54:43

What you look like aside why isn't he being supportive with your health problems?
He doesn't sound like a keeper.
Maybe ask him why he is doing this when you are unwell. Possibly a misguided bloke way of helping. I really don't know.

SecretProfile Mon 25-Feb-19 09:55:58

@woollyheart I am hoping that is the case.... but now I think about it, he tried to get me to do yoga with him and keeps mentioning us going for walks and doing exercise together.

I’ve told him I’ll go for a hike with him. I’ll plan it for next weekend.

AdoraBell Mon 25-Feb-19 09:57:55

Drop him.

There is nothing wrong with your body. If you pr Dr recommended excersises that would be different.

I hope you get some answers re your pain and health issues. Depending what is behind the pain something like yoga or Pilates might help you to feel better. That is for your benefit, not his.

SecretProfile Mon 25-Feb-19 09:59:37

@madcatladyforever he saw a test I had left in my car (I hadn’t taken the sample). It had a biohazard thing on it and he then teased me about it.... I don’t think he’s being supportive. Actually, now I write this I’m very concerned, he’s more interested in how I look than anything else. He also said I looked tired yesterday and I didn’t. I slept in and had a lovely day, so I wasn’t tired - I didn’t feel tired or even look tired. I didn’t have bags under my eyes and I was wearing makeup in any event.

IDoN0tCare Mon 25-Feb-19 09:59:50

I’ve told him I’ll go for a hike with him. I’ll plan it for next weekend.

Oh well, see you in a few months when he’s got you well and truly mind fucked.

Hunter037 Mon 25-Feb-19 10:00:22

Is he very keen on exercise? Maybe he wants to have something in common with you or an activity which you can do together (e.g. yoga or walking). What do you usually do together?

Just because he doesn't say he likes your body, doesnt mean he dislikes it. Does he say you are sexy/beautiful? What exactly are you expecting him to say?

Do you tell him that you like parts of his body? If not, is it because you dislike the way he looks or have you just not thought to say it?

SecretProfile Mon 25-Feb-19 10:00:33

@AdoraBell

Yes, I think I might get into Pilates again and then casually mention it before I leave him.

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