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To think my DM adding my friends on Facebook is a bit ... off

(33 Posts)
Sidhe79 Mon 25-Feb-19 01:04:27

I imagine there’s quite a few of us whose parents don’t really understand the niceties of social media! I’m in my 30s, live in another country, and can tell what time Mum gets up in the morning because I’ll get a stream of likes and comments. Mostly you roll your eyes and get on with it.

Unfortunately she also likes to add my friends. As I live abroad, some of them are people she has never met. The recent one that has triggered this post also happens to be in a senior role at my work, so could have been really awkward (thankfully he’s got a sense of humour about it). She’s also got very little sense of personal responsibility, so when I confronted her about it, she denied it, said that he had added her (in this instance I’ve got a screenshot from my friend showing that the request came from Mum - he didn’t know who she was so had to ask!), then got defensive and upset.

I’ve contemplated it before, and don’t really want to get to the stage of blocking her, unfriending her, or restricting what she sees, but can’t really have her doing this.

Am I being unreasonable?

1Redacted1 Tue 26-Feb-19 19:30:13

@CookPassBabbtridge Yes, I think it’s the same with my DM. We don’t have the easiest relationship for reasons and she has a tendency to try and use social media as a way to connect with me and my sister. Unfortunately, it just makes me feel a bit hunted as she clearly monitors stuff I comment on, then randomly likes it or comments on it herself.

CantStopMeNow Mon 25-Feb-19 15:39:33

Put her on restricted friends list

Trouble is you can still see who your friends are by checking who's 'liked' or commented on posts, pictures etc.

The only other option is to change the 'audience' when you post so that it's 'visible to all except X.

She's being nosey and intrusive.

CherryPavlova Mon 25-Feb-19 08:26:53

I had the reverse issue. - my children’s Facebook friends sending me requests. I think if they don’t want to be friends with your mother they don’t accept the request. Then don’t post that which you don’t want in public domain. Nothing is secret.
Otherwise fairly harmless. How she uses social media is up to her. Stop being so controlling. If you don’t want your senior manager seeing pictures of you at three, don’t have them as friends. Work and social life. Are safer being separated.

whataremyoption Mon 25-Feb-19 08:21:30

Ah sorry cross post, you've already done that!

whataremyoption Mon 25-Feb-19 08:20:47

You can set your security settings so that your friends list is hidden

olderthanyouthink Mon 25-Feb-19 08:03:04

My mum does weird things on Facebook too. A friend and I drifted apart and then when I tried to get in touch with her she told me she wasn't interested in being friends again, sucked but fair enough. My mum was always asking me when was the last time you spoke to x?", "when are you going to see x?" I told her ages ago/not plans to because I didn't want to get into it so then my mum started bugging x on Facebook, to I had to tell her to cut it out.

Also she seems to post like a wannabe influencer, posting silly updates throughout the day, I told her it's weird and people aren't interested in the granular updates on her day and she came back with its her life and she can do what she wants... fair enough. Until she wrote some long post mentioning that I was pregnant (I had not put this on SM at all and didn't want it on there) and that my dad has cancer, he wasn't happy about that either and Mum didn't like me pointing out that wasn't just her life details she was broadcasting.

CookPassBabtridge Mon 25-Feb-19 08:00:21

Oh yeah forgot to add, I also hide a few of my own posts from her as she'll sometimes reply to my friends comments that are directed at meconfused

CookPassBabtridge Mon 25-Feb-19 07:57:01

My mum has done this. I think she wants to be involved in my life plus her own list is small as not as many people from her generation/life are on facebook. I lived and worked abroad once in a school, and she started adding a few of the foreign teaching assisants I'd worked with who I barely even knew myself. She comments on most of their posts and shares those "been friends for 1 year" etc posts with hearts and everything confused I just let her get on with it but I have never had a friends/colleagues mum add me (unless I knew her well myself)

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame Mon 25-Feb-19 07:45:11

My friends Dad added me. She’s a quite good friend that I’ve known since teenage years, but literally met her Dad once (at her wedding!) He added me- which was weird because her Mum, who I DID know and had lived with my friend when we were teens, wasn’t my FB friend. I accepted out of politeness but that my friend asked why I had added her Dad and it was super awkward because I had to say no, he added me. He’s a wrong un with a wife 25yrs his junior, so it was clear what she thought and why I was awkward about it, but we laughed about it in the end and it’s a bit of a running gag now.

So, TLDR what I’m trying to say is, could your Mum fancy your friends?! 😂

1Redacted1 Mon 25-Feb-19 07:39:54

My mum did this too then started posting bizarre comments on their walls. I had to ask her to stop. She did have a massive strop and defriended them all which was a relief. She still comments on stuff I have commented on elsewhere though which is annoying as I know it’s stuff she wouldn’t normally look at.

Mullberry7373 Mon 25-Feb-19 07:35:36

*so hadn’t

Mullberry7373 Mon 25-Feb-19 07:35:14

My mum has also added some of my old school friends, although she does actually know them.
I’ve had to block her now though because it got to the point she was commenting multiple times on everything I did - to the point of being cringe, she would also oddly use fb messenger instead of text or what’s all me, and then the the right arse if I didn’t reply within half an hour - every whim I was at work and couldn’t go on Facebook sonahsmt even seen her messages. It was relentless, from 7am some mornings.
So blocked. Done.

yearinyearout Mon 25-Feb-19 07:34:53

Oops sorry OP, missed your update.
My mum used to do similar things in the early days of FB, she would reply to friend's comments that had nothing to do with her, share photos that I didn't give her permission to share etc, I just had a good chat with her about FB etiquette and said if she didn't stop I would remove her from my friend list. She did stop!

yearinyearout Mon 25-Feb-19 07:32:23

You can set your profile so that she can not see who your friends are. She has no need to have that info so there's nothing offensive about blocking her access to it and it will solve that issue.

Fullofregrets33 Mon 25-Feb-19 07:30:14

My dad is 70. He is into politics, debating and serious news items. He loves social media for that and spends many hours a day arguing with people on there.

I have had to block him from mine because I like to use it in a lighthearted manner, like looking at cute videos, holiday photos, chatting with friends. My dad liked to comment on my posts and make me look stupid. Then started adding my friends and doing the same to them. Took all the fun out of it

ArmchairTraveller Mon 25-Feb-19 07:18:53

My children limit what I see on their Facebook, and I limit them. Surely that’s common sense for all sorts of reasons from privacy and discretion to not boring the arse off someone who doesn’t share all your interests.
Limit what she can see.
Ask your friends not to accept requests.

Asta19 Mon 25-Feb-19 07:16:18

My DD is 28 and my FB friend and I wouldn’t dream of adding any of her friends, and I’ve met some of them. So yes I think it’s weird. But then I don’t use FB that much anyway.

OnceUponAGiraffe Mon 25-Feb-19 07:08:33

My mum is weird on Facebook too. We’re still friends but I’ve fiddled with my friends list settings so she can’t see anything I post. Oh the relief! (This was triggered after she commented on a post I made and a friend said “is she always so rude”). On the occasional day something comes up which she can see - if I approve a friend tagging me on a photo for instance - she uses it as an opportunity to tell me, my friend’s wall, and the world about stuff like this “oh nice picture of the girls. Spoke to auntie Vi last night and she’s still coming over in February. Dentists was ok though your dad has to have a filling replaced”. This reminds me how much I have done the right thing.

I’ve also blocked seeing her wall as a matter of course. It makes life much easier. Apart from four hours after I’d had my baby when I rang her to say to take down her announcement post on fb...

Aridane Mon 25-Feb-19 07:07:00


TheBitchOfTheVicar Mon 25-Feb-19 07:05:25

@HedgePlastic shockconfused

GrapesAndCheese Mon 25-Feb-19 07:03:41

Bloody hell, bit harsh @HedgePlastic. Sorry that she has a daughter like OP?! Also her DM lied when asked about adding the manager, don't think that's such 'lovely' behaviour is it?

I'm with you OP, that would annoy me too. I stopped using fb ages ago because of this kinda stuff.

WeCameToDance Mon 25-Feb-19 06:59:53

As a previous poster said, is she aware she is doing it?
My nan kept adding people under her suggested friends list thinking they had added her. She would not accept that she had been adding randoms when we asked her about it and was adamant they had friend requested her.

HedgePlastic Mon 25-Feb-19 06:58:15

For God's sake, you're being horrible to your poor mam. She sounds lovely, I feel very sorry for her to have a daughter like you.

Seline Mon 25-Feb-19 06:49:51

I have a family member who does this it's so weird YANBU.

Birdsgottafly Mon 25-Feb-19 06:48:51

"He has improved but sometimes gets into arguments with total randoms and one of us has to say "Dad/Granda, just leave it!""

What sort of arguments? Why do you tell him what to do, because he passed a certain age?

I argue on racist/political posts. That's my choice to make. I don't pull my Adult children up on anything they do.

OP, it sounds as though you are very uptight about how you use SM. The adding isn't on, but the likes, shouldn't be an issue. What difference does it make, unless her comments are out of order etc.

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