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To think my DM adding my friends on Facebook is a bit ... off

(33 Posts)
Sidhe79 Mon 25-Feb-19 01:04:27

I imagine there’s quite a few of us whose parents don’t really understand the niceties of social media! I’m in my 30s, live in another country, and can tell what time Mum gets up in the morning because I’ll get a stream of likes and comments. Mostly you roll your eyes and get on with it.

Unfortunately she also likes to add my friends. As I live abroad, some of them are people she has never met. The recent one that has triggered this post also happens to be in a senior role at my work, so could have been really awkward (thankfully he’s got a sense of humour about it). She’s also got very little sense of personal responsibility, so when I confronted her about it, she denied it, said that he had added her (in this instance I’ve got a screenshot from my friend showing that the request came from Mum - he didn’t know who she was so had to ask!), then got defensive and upset.

I’ve contemplated it before, and don’t really want to get to the stage of blocking her, unfriending her, or restricting what she sees, but can’t really have her doing this.

Am I being unreasonable?

CookPassBabtridge Mon 25-Feb-19 07:57:01

My mum has done this. I think she wants to be involved in my life plus her own list is small as not as many people from her generation/life are on facebook. I lived and worked abroad once in a school, and she started adding a few of the foreign teaching assisants I'd worked with who I barely even knew myself. She comments on most of their posts and shares those "been friends for 1 year" etc posts with hearts and everything confused I just let her get on with it but I have never had a friends/colleagues mum add me (unless I knew her well myself)

CookPassBabtridge Mon 25-Feb-19 08:00:21

Oh yeah forgot to add, I also hide a few of my own posts from her as she'll sometimes reply to my friends comments that are directed at meconfused

olderthanyouthink Mon 25-Feb-19 08:03:04

My mum does weird things on Facebook too. A friend and I drifted apart and then when I tried to get in touch with her she told me she wasn't interested in being friends again, sucked but fair enough. My mum was always asking me when was the last time you spoke to x?", "when are you going to see x?" I told her ages ago/not plans to because I didn't want to get into it so then my mum started bugging x on Facebook, to I had to tell her to cut it out.

Also she seems to post like a wannabe influencer, posting silly updates throughout the day, I told her it's weird and people aren't interested in the granular updates on her day and she came back with its her life and she can do what she wants... fair enough. Until she wrote some long post mentioning that I was pregnant (I had not put this on SM at all and didn't want it on there) and that my dad has cancer, he wasn't happy about that either and Mum didn't like me pointing out that wasn't just her life details she was broadcasting.

whataremyoption Mon 25-Feb-19 08:20:47

You can set your security settings so that your friends list is hidden

whataremyoption Mon 25-Feb-19 08:21:30

Ah sorry cross post, you've already done that!

CherryPavlova Mon 25-Feb-19 08:26:53

I had the reverse issue. - my children’s Facebook friends sending me requests. I think if they don’t want to be friends with your mother they don’t accept the request. Then don’t post that which you don’t want in public domain. Nothing is secret.
Otherwise fairly harmless. How she uses social media is up to her. Stop being so controlling. If you don’t want your senior manager seeing pictures of you at three, don’t have them as friends. Work and social life. Are safer being separated.

CantStopMeNow Mon 25-Feb-19 15:39:33

Put her on restricted friends list

Trouble is you can still see who your friends are by checking who's 'liked' or commented on posts, pictures etc.

The only other option is to change the 'audience' when you post so that it's 'visible to all except X.

She's being nosey and intrusive.

1Redacted1 Tue 26-Feb-19 19:30:13

@CookPassBabbtridge Yes, I think it’s the same with my DM. We don’t have the easiest relationship for reasons and she has a tendency to try and use social media as a way to connect with me and my sister. Unfortunately, it just makes me feel a bit hunted as she clearly monitors stuff I comment on, then randomly likes it or comments on it herself.

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