To wonder why people hoard?(33 Posts)
Is it a generational thing? My parents -in their 90s- live in a house full of crap. Especially shoes. And coats. From charity shops. Not that i've got anything against charity shops. They've got at least 5 watering cans. And 3 mops. And piles of old magazines and papers. And lots and lots of little mats.when you open a cupboard stuff pours out and has to be jammed back in to shut the door. I haven't got a good enough relationship with my mum to ask her why she does it.
My grandmother taught my mum that stock is as good as money and so on.
We have too much stuff at the moment because we don't have much money so I hang onto it. When I have some time I will sell some bits - I have made a start. I do declutter and keep things tidy though.
hoarding when it goes that far can feel terrible.if you hate it,and she has a problem then I can gaurentee it makes her feel sick to the stomach.an overwhelming doom that is with her all the time every second.but she wont be able to sort it now.its gone too far and that in itself can be hell.
has she said or shown its a problem to you
If they are in their 90s that’s a war generation thing to never throw anything out. My MIL however is now 68 and her hoarding started in her mid 50s. Suddenly everything had potential value and couldn’t be parted with. Literally loads of old crap and none of it could be parted with. She now has mid stage dementia, I’ve often wondered if it was an early sign of the disease starting?
When I lived with my ex partner a couple of years ago I hoarded terribly. He was emotionally abusive, I was terribly depressed and I didn't work. I literally had nothing to do all day and didn't feel up to it. So I hoarded clothes. I bought clothes for when I felt better, thinking if I had something nice to wear I might make an effort and in turn feel better. But it didn't work so I bought more. It did creep into the rest of the house, I started buying things that I thought would make me happier and I found it unbearable to part with the stuff that gave me "hope".
When I left I took most of the stuff with me, I left some stuff behind. I binned probably 75% of it and now I have my own place, it's nothing like that. I think mine was hoarding due to misery and wanting to hold on to things that I thought made me happy. When I left, I didn't "need" them any more so I could get rid. I cried terribly getting rid of it all though, not because I was sad to see it go but because I was embarrassed I'd lived like that and spent so much money on stuff to try and feel better that was now just going in the bin. It was a real waste, which I think is why some people hoard, because they can't stand the thought of wasting stuff and keep things "just in case"
Here you are, some facts for you to look at
If it really is an issue, you need to call SS for an assessment.
I hoard money, if that doesn't sound too weird. I don't just "save".
I hate spending it and I never have enough. Right now I could lose my job tomorrow and be ok for months, if not years, on what I can access readily.
Despite objectively knowing that/being able to see the numbers on my statements, I still fret and have a compulsion to save more in order that the ground is secure under my feet. I can't quantify what is "enough" though.
I had some therapy for a different (I first typed 'unrelated' but actually it's all intertwined) issue and I've come to realise it's all down to a family issue when I was younger, which I had no idea had affected me this way or so badly.
The impact of it was slow to manifest, but is perfectly summed up by the below quote by DH Lawrence:
"And dimly she realised one of the great laws of the human soul: that when the emotional soul receives a wounding shock, which does not kill the body, the soul seems to recover as the body recovers. But this is only appearance. It is really only the mechanism of the resumed habit. Slowly, slowly the wound to the soul begins to make itself felt, like a bruise, which only slowly deepens its terrible ache, till it fills all the psyche. And when we think we have recovered and forgotten, it is then that the terrible after-effects have to be encountered at their worst.”
I think there’s a big difference between ‘keepers’ and hoarders
I agree with you . I am a keeper, I never had much when I was growing up, nor during my first marriage. Since I married for the second time I am a lot better off financially (and all round really ) but I still find it hard to let go of "stuff". I don't dash out and replace it though once I have been able to let stuff go, so I don't see myself as a hoarder
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