I already know my behaviour could be better, I'm worried though that I'm verging on being abusive and I'm terrified I'm affecting my DH's mental health/self worth.
DH & I together 10 years. He's a very kind, considerate and generous person. Always supportive.
So I don't drip feed, I have complex PTSD due to a number of traumatic events in my childhood. I've largely just 'got on with it' as best I could, but after 20 years of burying things I'm finally in CBT with the NHS and trying my best to change how I think.
The trouble is, sometimes I'm just mean to my DH. Examples - he buys a cake to cheer me up but I complain it's a flavour I don't like and he feels bad. I know it sounds totally ungrateful.
He was poorly with a cold and I spent three days looking after him, but by the forth day of his (understandable) grumpiness (and coming down with it myself) I snapped at him and caused an argument. I knew he had an awful headache but I couldn't shake myself out of feeling frustrated and negative.
I over-react at criticism or confrontation (like, mammothly) and sometimes a perceived slight criticism can have me really upset and suddenly I threaten either divorce or suicide. At the time it genuinely feels that bad. My emotions feel so out of control. I make it about me, all the time. Am I a narcissist?
I feel like nothing is good enough, and I'm worried that I'm repeating some of the patterns of behaviour with how I was treated as a young child by bringing him down when I'm struggling. I don't call him names or swear and there's no violence but I worry how I am will affect his self esteem, I know he feels drained after any of my PTSD triggered episodes.
Should I leave and spare him the trauma? No need to be kind, I know AIBU here. He deserves so much better.
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AIBU?
To think I am abusive
26 replies
OrAGin · 24/02/2019 15:35
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