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Lying to your dh/oh

(20 Posts)
Namechangedbecauseiwantto Sun 24-Feb-19 14:09:33

So, the carrot cake thread ( and this is not a taat) made me think.
There seemed to be a divide etween
A. Those who tell their dh white lies
B. Those who tell whoppers.
C. Those who don't lie.

I don't lie to my dh, to use an example, if I didnt like a shirt I would tell him, and he is the same with me.
Do lots of people routinely lie to their dh?
Just to add, it's not a criticism, I'm genuinely interested..

labazsisgoingmad Sun 24-Feb-19 14:32:40

im lucky i now have a partner i can be honest with whether thats just a oh that dont suit you or sorry love i did that (whatever the bad thing was)

MyNewBearTotoro Sun 24-Feb-19 14:42:26

I don’t routinely lie and can’t think of any specific scenarios in which I’ve lied, but I’m not against the idea of white lies in a relationship. For example I wouldn’t think twice about pretending to love a gift I knew DP had put a lot of effort into choosing for me even if I felt a bit ‘meh’ about it. I don’t see these little lies as a big deal and I figure they’re fairly normal within most relationships - I would lie in a similar way with other family members and friends. I think it’s more important to consider people’s feelings than being 100% honest all of the time. I think small, harmless lies and exaggerations are fairly normal and to be honest I wouldn’t trust anybody who said they never ever lie about anything, I wouldn’t believe that to be true.

I wouldn’t see lying about something harmless like whether a cake was homemade or not as a big deal in my relationship, if DP did something along those lines I would probably find it funny.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Sun 24-Feb-19 14:43:22

No I wouldn't lie. I've got nothing to lie about and I don't keep things from him. Unless it was something that could unnecessarily hurt him, such as someone saying something hurtful about him.
I wouldn't make up an extravagant lie, e.g.. the carrot cake thread as it's your partner you're lying to and that's a ridiculous thing to make up. And tbh, my husband would see straight through me.

PregnantSea Sun 24-Feb-19 14:44:48

DH and I don't lie to each other. It's just not how our relationship works.

My DH adores home made cakes and I honestly think he'd be heartbroken if I lied to him about the origin of a cake... His emotions are in his stomach grin

ElloBrian Sun 24-Feb-19 14:46:39

And D. People who make up nonsense threads with unbelievable situations.

Namechangedbecauseiwantto Sun 24-Feb-19 14:48:35

@chocolatecoffeeaddict@, yes, I forgot lying by omission. I have then indirectly lied to my dh, as someone said something really nasty about him, and I have not told him as there would no value in him knowing.

Jsmith99 Sun 24-Feb-19 14:50:05

I don’t lie, but I am sometimes economical with the truth. If you can utilise words skilfully, you seldom need to actually lie. Politicians are the masters of this technique, of course.

MereDintofPandiculation Sun 24-Feb-19 14:50:36

I think I probably distinguish between lying to benefit him ("yes, I love your present") and lying to benefit me ("I made this cake myself")

Arowana Sun 24-Feb-19 14:56:10

I think I'm in category A.

Eg if I got a parking ticket I wouldn't feel the need to tell DH - I'd just sort it out and he'd be none the wiser. Or if I forgot to make a phone call that he'd asked me to make, I might say I couldn't get through rather than I forgot. Is that the kind of thing you mean?

I believe in treating others as you'd like to be treated. I don't lie to DH about anything that I wouldn't want him to lie about to me.

PepsiLola Sun 24-Feb-19 15:22:38

I'm a bit of a white liar, to protect feelings.

My DH is a little chunky at the mo (as am I!!) but he will comment about himself and I will say "I think you're as beautiful as the day I met you" or "you look really great, I love how board your shoulders look in that top".

I just excessively compliment him, and ignore his insecurities.

Also, I often round down the cost of things! I don't even know why I do that one. I got concert tickets recently and I lied about the cost by £10! What's £10?! He wouldn't have cared either!

AcrossthePond55 Sun 24-Feb-19 16:18:15

I wouldn't lie to DH about something important and/or that would affect him; money, debt, DC in trouble, things getting broken around the house or him wearing something that doesn't look good.

But I would tell a little white lie about liking a gift or a meal.

I'd also lie to him to protect another person as long as it didn't hurt or affect him. My BFF is married to DH's former BFF. The former BFF is terribly abusive and in the past I've lied to my DH about things she's said or done to protect her from her husband. In the past, DH wouldn't accept how abusive his friend was. He now does and that's why he's a former friend.

HollowTalk Sun 24-Feb-19 16:20:00

Lying about the cake wouldn't worry me; what would worry me/put me off is if someone went to so much effort for no reason at all. That OP was barking mad.

Crunchymum Sun 24-Feb-19 16:22:38

I've been on that thread and the OP is fucking bonkers.

I don't lie either. What's the point?
"Do you like this shirt dear?" "Not as much as your blue one".... Job done.

PepsiLola Sun 24-Feb-19 16:23:47

What's the carrot cake thread?

My DH would know if it wasn't homemade... cause it would taste nice 😂😂

Ribbonsonabox Sun 24-Feb-19 16:25:07

I dont think I've ever lied to him... but I wouldn't rule it out... if there was a scenario in which I thought it would be beneficial to him for me to lie then I would. I do not regard lying as inherently wrong.

JaceLancs Sun 24-Feb-19 16:27:07

Lies of omission occasionally
Lies to be tactful
Not telling him things that will upset him
Waiting for right time to do or say things
Not saying how much something cost

LadyRochfordsSpangledGusset Sun 24-Feb-19 16:27:59

Loads of people lie to their partners about having fillers or Botox. There are threads on here. Maybe they want them to think they don't age as much as an average person does (?) I don't know. If I think it's just as bad as your average lie.

Nottalotta Sun 24-Feb-19 16:28:25

I frequent used to lie to my stbxh to avoid the sulking, moody, overreacting and abuse. It was no way to live.

user1493413286 Sun 24-Feb-19 16:33:39

I don’t lie; at times I don’t mention everything to my DP but I like the fact that I have some things that are private to me. If it came up I wouldn’t actively hide it though

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