To make dd wear the same outfits to four Bat Mitzvahs?

[Dillydallyding]

Dd is in Year 8 - her school has a significant Jewish minority and she has lots of Jewish friends. Four of these friends are having their Bat Mitzvahs over the next 4-5 months.

I understand that she needs a more formal outfit for the synagogue services, and then a party dress for afterwards.

As dd has had a huge growth spurt in the last year, she’s grown out of most of her clothes, so doesn’t currently have anything appropriate.

I told her yesterday that we would go shopping next weekend to find a party dress and an outfit appropriate for the services. But dd is insisting that she needs different outfits for each Bat Mitzvah as ‘it will be so embarrassing if she’s wearing the same thing at all of them as none of her friends will be’.

We aren’t exactly strapped for cash at the moment, but it seems very wasteful to buy her a different dress for each Bat Mitzvah.

AIBU?

[JuniperBeer]

Can she have different accessories instead?
Or can you buy cheaper dresses?

[JuniperBeer]

Would you wear the same dress to four weddings that all your friends will be at every time?

[Florenceflamingo]

Can you buy two and some accessories that can be changed even? Would you wear the same dress to 4 weddings with the same group of friends?

[Echobelly]

In your position I might buy 2 or 3 outfits to revolve, I mean it doesn't have to be anything pricey but I think it might be fair to let her have a couple to choose from.

Round DD's bat mitzvah year next year and afterwards we'll obviously have loads for friends and family, but I'm not going to buy loads of separate outfits

[SleepingStandingUp]

So she'd need 8 outfits??
I'm ight be tempted to do one formal outfit and different party dresses but keep them styled to something she will rewear. She's a bit old for Ron's of tulle anyway so something that she could dress up or down. But that compromise would mean somewhere like ASOS or Primark.

Can you give her a budget and get her to plan it herself?

[ILoveMaxiBondi]

I hate this. The boys will get to wear their suits again and again until they’ve outgrown them. Girls “have” to have a different dress for each event.

[DrinkSangriaInThePark]

I think compromise and buy two. Then she can alternate each time and maybe wear different accessories each time she wears the same dress. In fairness, there's no way you'd wear the same outfit 4 times in a row with the same people, surely.

[Pythonesque]

You've got to find her two different outfits as it is! I'd absolutely expect her to wear the same ones. Agree that you might be able to vary it with accessories though, do her hair differently etc.

[EdtheBear]

I'd compromise and buy 2 outfits. I might even suggested that if she has friends who are in the same position that outfits are swapped between them.

[harriethoyle]

Yeah I'd say two as well. Maybe get wrap dresses or dresses that you could accessorize differently ie with a cardie, a shirt, etc

[OhTheRoses]

Hmm. There is a lot of dressing up for these occasions and Jewish women tend to dress exceptionally well. I think it's a case of compromise and accessorise with a few outfits and co-ordinating cardigans, separates may help that can be worn on other occasions. Also check out ebay.

[confusedofengland]

Could you buy secondhand dresses? You could get them for very little money (less than £5/£10) & could resell or donate them afterwards.

[Thehop]

Worth looking on eBay for pre loved?

[PhilomenaButterfly]

No way I could afford that. DD's just bought an outfit that she'll wear at every party until she grows out of it.

[Xmasbaby11]

If I had 4 weddings to go to, I probably would wear the same outfit to all of them. Why not? Unless I'd be wearing the outfits for other events this year, there's no way I'd buy more than one.

Two new outfits is enough.

[Echobelly]

Swapping or borrowing is a good idea as well, as suggested above.

[KrazyKatlady]

I'm glad my year 8 DD hasn't been invited to 4 or even one Bat mitzvah. I'd have trouble encouraging her to find one outfit that wasn't jeans/leggings!
In answer to the question, can you try ebay/fb selling sites, lots of people ending up selling stuff that has been worn once or never worn, because of growth spurts.

[amusedbush]

I wouldn’t wear the same outfit to multiple occasions that my friends would be attending so I think it’s fair that she wants a few outfits. They don’t have to be really expensive - eBay will surely turn up some nice items at lower prices? Maybe compromise on the number of outfits and just mix and match accessories/shoes.

[AuntieStella]

She'd get away with wearing the formal outfit to the services each time (as long as you get something fairly unexciting and therefore unmemorable)

But I think you got have to reconsider your stance for the party dresses. Agree that second hand would be good - bothfor your pocket and for the environment.

[LaDameAuxLicornes]

I'd probably get her one formal dress and two party dresses. She isn't likely to wear the formal one for anything else, I assume? Whereas the party dresses might get reworn. Perhaps the formal one could be reaccessoried with different cardigans, jewellery, shoes etc, whatever is in her wardrobe. Get her to do her hair differently etc.

Four different formal dresses and four different party dresses would be madness unless she can find cheap second-hand ones (and even then....). No chance would I be encouraging the throwaway clothing mentality by buying her 8 cheap dresses from Boohoo or Primark which will be rapidly outgrown and discarded.

[Dillydallyding]

Thank you for all the input! It sounds like EBay is the way to go. Perhaps I’ll give her a budget and let her decide herself.

[claireblueskies]

I completely understand where she's coming from. If money won't stretch to all the different outfits she wants, I think you need to be smart with the shopping and buy her clothes that can be carefully accessorised to look different.

You could also offer to help style her hair differently for each event - that would help contribute to the illusion of a completely different outfit. If she's a similar size to any of her friends, swapping some clothes/accessories sounds like a great idea.

[RedSkyLastNight]

I agree different accessories. In answer to posters, yes I would wear the same outfit to several weddings with same guests (and have done so). I can't justifyspending on anew wedding outfit to wear once! But then I have friends who value my presence over what I'm wearing, a view I'd want my teenage daughte to share!

[sashh]

Go for second hand or hire dresses

Check out this for £10 from Oxfam


www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/kids-clothing/girls-clothing/beautiful-red-dress-angel-tree-size-11-12-years-red-evening-dress-hd_101468225

[BettyDuMonde]

I’d suggest a multiway dress but it might not fit the dress code - guess it depends on how conservative each of the families are? No good for synagogue, for sure.

www.debenhams.com/content/multiway-dresses-bridesmaids