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To make dd wear the same outfits to four Bat Mitzvahs?

(81 Posts)
Dillydallyding Sun 24-Feb-19 12:07:08

Dd is in Year 8 - her school has a significant Jewish minority and she has lots of Jewish friends. Four of these friends are having their Bat Mitzvahs over the next 4-5 months.

I understand that she needs a more formal outfit for the synagogue services, and then a party dress for afterwards.

As dd has had a huge growth spurt in the last year, she’s grown out of most of her clothes, so doesn’t currently have anything appropriate.

I told her yesterday that we would go shopping next weekend to find a party dress and an outfit appropriate for the services. But dd is insisting that she needs different outfits for each Bat Mitzvah as ‘it will be so embarrassing if she’s wearing the same thing at all of them as none of her friends will be’.

We aren’t exactly strapped for cash at the moment, but it seems very wasteful to buy her a different dress for each Bat Mitzvah.

AIBU?

SpoonBlender Sun 24-Feb-19 15:46:20

The whole "must have a different dress or be judged" has always worked very well for me to reveal the sort of shallow-minded nitwits who I will never give any sort of shit about. It's utter nonsense, and a horrible sexist attitude that no-one should encourage. You don't see boys being judged for wearing the same suit twice.

manicinsomniac Sun 24-Feb-19 16:39:33

Buy yabbers that argument is only a concern if you think that ppl want different outfits for special events because they think they'll be laughed at if they don't. I'm sure that's a reason for some but it won't be the only or most common one. People like wearing new and different things. It makes them feel good, adds to a sense of occasion, makes it more fun etc.

There are many things we could keep the same without harm that many prefer to change. Many people dont want to eat the same dinner more than twice a week, go to the same bar or restaurant each time they go out or go on holiday to the same place four times either. It wouldn't do them any harm to do so but it doesn't hurt to have variety either.

And image and identity is important to many. Not just because of what others think but because of how it makes them express themselves and feel about themselves too. People who are happy to wear the same outfit to every formal occasion aren't worse people than others and shouldn't be teased or belittled. But they aren't better people whose choices need encouraging either.

Yabbers Sun 24-Feb-19 16:53:27

ppl want different outfits for special events because they think they'll be laughed at if they don't.

@manicinsomniac Sorry, there was a slight typo which may have led to a misunderstanding. My first line should have been "it does matter if it shouldn't matter"

If someone wants to wear a different outfit because they like to buy new stuff, that's fine (albeit, still wasteful if outfits are left barely worn).

But the OP and others are talking about the stigma of doing so which is quite a different issue.

bigcomfypants Sun 24-Feb-19 16:56:30

DD wore the same outfit for 7 BM's in a year. And yes, I have been wearing the same dress to every wedding for the last 10 years. Its bullshit.
This man wore the same suit for a year and no one noticed:
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2014/nov/17/male-tv-presenter-same-suit-year-female-colleagues-judged

SchadenfreudePersonified Sun 24-Feb-19 19:17:28

Believability

That first wine red and the last royal blue playsuit are lovely - makes me with I was thirteen again (and I never thought I'd say that! grin)

sashh Mon 25-Feb-19 07:59:19

Another idea, what about getting a couple of her friends together, go out shopping with them and parents. Each gets two outfits but they lend to each other for the different parties?

Interested how many people insist they would never wear a dress to more than one event, would also go to a charity shop to buy a wedding outfit.

I would and have. When I lived in Oxford I got ball gowns from charity or second hand shops.

The last wedding I went to my outfit was from ebay as was the dress I wore for the last Christening I went to.

As I'm 50+ the 'mother of the bride' section on ebay is my go to for formal clothing.

Often the outfit has been worn once and dry cleaned so good as new.

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