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Dh facing away in bed pissing me off

(16 Posts)
BananaFace5 Sun 24-Feb-19 00:03:30

Because of dh work times he is always either in bed before me or we head up at roughly the same time, however even when we go up to bed at the same time, because I check in on the kids and take longer in the bathroom, he's always in bed before me. What pisses me off is that every night he gets into bed and immediatly faces away from me and watches youtube on his phone, so even when we have walked up the stairs together, I go into the bedroom and am faced with his back towards me and headphones in, so no chit chat or anything. It feels like he's given up. I'm not the type that needs lots of attention or has to be cuddled to sleep or whatever, but occassionally for him to show some interest in me would be nice. AIBU?

Amrad Sun 24-Feb-19 00:05:10

What do you do in this situation?

gamerchick Sun 24-Feb-19 00:05:44

When me and my husband go up to bed we say goodnight and go into our own bedrooms.

Some people like some downtime before sleep.

Unless you're going to come back and tell us he gives you no attention whatsoever and this is what you're focusing on?

Gillian1980 Sun 24-Feb-19 00:06:38

Yanbu.

Me and DH always sleep facing away from each other as we sleep better that way.
Sometimes we both go on our phones in bed too.

However, we do have a cuddle and chat most nights and show each other what we’re looking at online - if it’s interesting, funny, etc.

It’s reasonable to want a bit of interaction.

Chloemol Sun 24-Feb-19 00:15:20

Yes. Just tell him how you feel

BananaFace5 Sun 24-Feb-19 00:16:38

Amrad I normally just get into bed and read, sitting up on my back. I do eventually roll onto my side facing away from him but the opportunity for some interaction is there for him I feel.

Gamerchick, no he's a pretty good dh most of the time, not perfect and works long hours, so I appreciate it on days he's been at work or when he's very tired or whatever. Like I say, I don't expect it all the time, but occassionally would be nice.

Last night I was sitting chatting to him about the bruising on my arm from a fall for ages before I realised the headphones were in and when he got up to pee I said it to him. So when I came in the room tonight and he was already facing away I did say to him oh night then, he rolled over and tried to start a conversation for a minute but it felt strained and awkward so I told him to go bavk to youtube - I know that's mixed messages Im sending him now but it felt worse having a conversation he didnt want to be having than being ignored! Maybe I'll just let it go

PuzzlingPuzzle Sun 24-Feb-19 00:16:44

There should be a middle ground here.
YANBU to expect him to acknowledge you and have a few minutes of chit chat if he’s still up when you come to bed.
YWBU to ask him to stop winding down with his phone if that’s what he likes to do before sleep and lying on a particular side if that’s how he’s comfortable.
What happens if you get into bed and start a conversation (or maybe something else wink), does he ignore you completely?

BananaFace5 Sun 24-Feb-19 00:17:59

Gillian - that's it, some interaction some times, Im really not a needy person!

Chloemol, I might mention it to him tomorrow at some point.

Thanks

BananaFace5 Sun 24-Feb-19 00:21:23

Puzzling I dont really do it very often but when I have he will pause thevideo and take one ear phone out then as soon as the conversation is over he will go straight back to it. We do have plenty of sex but generally its initiated when we've both finished reading/watching youtube

I dont expect him to stop it at all. Maybe I am just being hormonal and sensitive at the moment?

Streamingbannersofdawn Sun 24-Feb-19 00:22:32

I face away from DH, always. I feel like I can't breathe otherwise and he's too hot...I need to feel cool to sleep.

I read before I sleep...you do realise that you are just as inaccessible with your head in a book as he is with headphones and you tube right? At least I am!

I think yabu unless he ignores you a lot at other times.

PuzzlingPuzzle Sun 24-Feb-19 00:24:20

I think you’re being pretty reasonable actually, having a gentle chat with his probably a good idea. My guess is that he stuck in a YouTube/no interaction routine and doesn’t even realise he’s upsetting you.

BertieBotts Sun 24-Feb-19 00:25:01

If it bothers you that he uses his phone in bed or you would like to have a conversation in bed at night just tell him so? And then don't get narked when he does it confused it probably is going to be slightly stilted and awkward to force a conversation if you don't usually but it will soon become habit and not feel weird any more.

It's weird to object to the way he lies.

TheSerenDipitY Sun 24-Feb-19 00:25:57

my husband and i both sleep facing away from each other too, its not a big deal, he is most likely in a routine to get to sleep... do the same things in the same way and you train your body to go to sleep quickly
nothing personal im sure ( or maybe you have bad breath so he faces away so you dont breathe on him)

BananaFace5 Sun 24-Feb-19 00:27:50

Streaming I have to face away from him to sleep too, I cant stand being breathed on! And yes I am just as bad with my head in a book, but I am not facing away from him the moment I get into bed, and certainly not every single day.

I suppose this is a bit of a drip feex and I didnt mean to do that, but he does shift work so we dont get many evenings to wind down together without the kids, and often in bed is the only time we get to chat without the children around and more and more recently we're not getting it because he's straight into bed facing away with headphones on.

Now that Ive copped what it really is thats bothering me, I feel I can mention it to dh tomorrow without looking like a needy kid. Thanks for letting me rant!

OrigamiZoo Sun 24-Feb-19 01:04:17

Err normal here, both exhausted.

Could you instigate no phone/computer a number of nights a week?

StarlightLady Sun 24-Feb-19 01:05:34

I prefer to face away from someone I’m sleeping with, it’s more comfy for sleeping and I like to spoon. I also don’t like someone snoring in my face.

It’s a different matter if having sex.

And phones etc in bed? No! There’s a time and a place.

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