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AIBU to be pissed off over "you wouldn't last 5 minutes without me" from DP?

(30 Posts)
Binchicken Sat 23-Feb-19 22:53:30

Just that really. Said during an argument.

He took it back afterwards saying "I didn't mean it like that" but I don't really see how else it could be meant.

FascinatingCarrot Sun 24-Feb-19 00:08:50

My dh used to say the same to me - to be fair he was financially right (I would have lasted obviously but would have been massively skint due to going to uni)
Then I pointed out how much I'd brought to his life - didnt have internet before I met him, no mobile phone despite being a tradesman who needed to take advantage of word of mouth calls, used to leave his damp clothes on a rack as that was what his mum did.
It can be hurtful, but throw what you have brought right back at him. He'll soon shut his mouth if he has any sense

HollowTalk Sat 23-Feb-19 23:51:20

Where do you want to live? If you have no children, please don't follow someone else or wait until they get their dream job.

Binchicken Sat 23-Feb-19 23:50:02

I've calmed down and spoken to him, I guess he was just trying to be funny and made an arse of it. tbf he's normally one of the most non-malicious people around so this may have been a case of me blowing off the handle based on nothing.

Binchicken Sat 23-Feb-19 23:48:37

I have applied for jobs further north, gotten interviews and an offer. But I stupidly decided to wait until he was ready. tbf, he was supportive of me when I was doing this and it was my decision not to go without him.

PregnantSea Sat 23-Feb-19 23:41:00

Sounds like he was joking. It was in poor taste and I'd be annoyed too, but if he was smiling and you weren't fighting I would say he was just messing around. I've said this to my DH before - usually when he can't find his socks or his keys, and I know where they are. It's not serious in any way.

You know your own DP though, so if you think he meant something by it then he probably did. Maybe you should apply for jobs up north now? And if you get one first you can just head off on your own, he can follow later. Then you can smile at him and say you're managing just fine without him, but can he please pull his finger out and hurry up with his big important job hunt? That might annoy him lol ...

NotaSpringChicken Sat 23-Feb-19 23:39:59

Are you really depending on him getting a good job in Scotland so you can both move back North?

Perhaps you could get a job in the area you want to live in and let him choose whether or not to follow. Living costs are much more affordable further north.

Atthebottomofthegarden Sat 23-Feb-19 23:38:37

😁

justilou1 Sat 23-Feb-19 23:38:37

You might want to go out with friends and prove him wrong.

timeisnotaline Sat 23-Feb-19 23:37:20

Hmm. No kids. Are you going to have them? I guess I’d feel very insecure going on mat leave unless you are very confident he will value my contribution.
In the meantime , what do you do in the relationship? Finances , planning generally, holiday planning, washing, meal planning, shopping, cleaning ?
Because I’d be all ‘oh no holidays this year. Dp: Why not? Me: well I plan them. Unless you are playing stupid you are incapable of it.
No meal planned, up to you darling. I’ve realised you wouldn’t last 5 mins without me so we really need to work on your skills.
I’d mention it 10 times a day until he grovelled. But I am very much the manager in our relationship , so I’m not sure dp would last 5 mins without me gringrin

OrigamiZoo Sat 23-Feb-19 23:36:16

I bet he'd like to think that but the opposite is true.

IncrediblySadToo Sat 23-Feb-19 23:35:03

He was laughing, sounds like he was just joking...

Atthebottomofthegarden Sat 23-Feb-19 23:34:40

Off

Atthebottomofthegarden Sat 23-Feb-19 23:34:28

And yes, I would be excessively pissed of too...

Atthebottomofthegarden Sat 23-Feb-19 23:33:32

I would think twice about having any with him, if he’s like this now it won’t improve matters!

Is there any truth in what he says or is he just being an arse? Do you rely on him to “look after” you in any way? Does he mean you couldn’t cope financially, practically or emotionally do you think?

AdoraBell Sat 23-Feb-19 23:32:06

How long did you last before you met him?

Depending what he’s like other than this either smile and nod or kick him to the kirb.

Binchicken Sat 23-Feb-19 23:29:22

Atthebottomofthegarden no, no DC

Atthebottomofthegarden Sat 23-Feb-19 23:28:26

Do you have kids?

Oldraver Sat 23-Feb-19 23:22:53

Well it didnt sound like a heat of the moment slip of the tongue.

Sounds like he really did mean it

Binchicken Sat 23-Feb-19 23:19:38

newtlover come to think of it he has said it before, just once. I seem to remember getting really pissed off at him then too, though I can't remember what prompted it. I remember saying something like "that must be what you really think of me then," to which he denied. But I suspect it what he does really think.

newtlover Sat 23-Feb-19 23:16:57

has he ever said anything else like that, or implied it by his actions?
anyone can say something they don't mean in the heat of an argument, but if it's part of a pattern that's abusive, frankly

Binchicken Sat 23-Feb-19 23:15:57

Annelovesgilbert, going back through the argument it would be this:

We're hoping to move back to scotland soon where we're both from (living in SE england atm - we moved here for DP's job). Moving back up north is dependant on him getting a good job up there, which he has been applying for.

We were spending some time together this evening, watching videos on the tv and chatting, when DP picks up his book (related to his job) and starts reading it/doing work. I said, in a lighthearted way, "you really going to pick up on that just now? It's saturday night, lets do something," to which he replied "you want us to go back up north, don't you? If so you better let me get on with this." I slightly took umbrage to that and asked him why it was so important to do it now. And why moving north had to be up to him anyway (we both work but he earns more, which is why in his mind it has to be him that gets the good job up there before we can go.) That's when he laughed and said "you know, you wouldn't last 5 minutes without me." He was smiling when he said it which pissed me off even more. It just came out of nowhere. I think he thought he was being funny and quickly backpedalled when he saw how angry I got. He kept insisting he "didn't mean it like that" but couldn't clarify what he did actually mean by it. When it was clear I wasn't going to accept his explanation he went into a mood. We're not speaking now.

AutumnCrow Sat 23-Feb-19 23:12:53

Well, he's a very stupid person to say that.

cookiemon666 Sat 23-Feb-19 23:08:35

Ex husband used to say this. Been myself and the kids for nearly 3 years and we are doing oksmile

Dhalandchips Sat 23-Feb-19 23:03:39

Yep, my ex used to say it too. He's an ex.

PrawnOfCreation Sat 23-Feb-19 23:03:14

Yuk. Basically translates to "I'm doing you a huge favour just by being with you" usually used by men who bring nothing to the relationship but their presence.

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