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Advice on should this be annoying me? Why is it annoying me!

(33 Posts)
Keba123 Sat 23-Feb-19 14:02:18

So I had a baby 6 weeks ago
Baby great no bother
Good sleeper etc
So my partner started a new job 2 weeks after I had baby
He starts work everyday at 2.30pm and finishes at 11pm
From the morning I just can't seem to get in a rythem with baby,
Like we will will wake up come down stairs have a bottle /cuppa he lies in bed till about 10 which is fair enough he's been at work late the night before .... But then gets up makes himself a huge breakfast mess in kitchen ,shower , go to gym come back another shower like I can't move for him... I just get the feeling it would be easier if he was working 9-5, i try and make bottles he's faffing on in the kitchen making food or something else which doesn't help me and baby,, I try and get baby down for nap he's starts blending or watching YouTube loudly, why do I feel like I just want him to go to work!! I love him very very dearly so it's not that I just don't want him here I just want to get in some sort of routine with baby? Aibu

snowdrop6 Sat 23-Feb-19 15:19:31

Your lack of routine is not your problem..your dh is a lazy ass.and selfish .

Crinkle77 Sat 23-Feb-19 15:24:37

Does he do more round the house and to help with the baby when he is off work?

Movingtoplanetclanger Sat 23-Feb-19 15:25:08

Does he go to the gym everyday? Maybe tell him you saw some research that says you actually build more muscle if you have rest days. I don't have a link cause I heard it on a podcast.

Also ask him to make your breakfast too when he makes himself some. Or tell him to at least clean up after himself.

category12 Sat 23-Feb-19 15:44:04

Why doesn't he make you any food?

Keba123 Sat 23-Feb-19 15:57:40

So im thinking now I'm just going to get him to take older boy to school,,, go straight to gym from there.... While he's gone I can get my self and baby sorted and house turned round. He will be gone till 11. And when he comes in and starts making his fucking eggs and proteins I will tell him whatever mess you make please clean it away after you..I think having the house sorted slightly and orgnisation the night before for the morning will help things more smoothly....I think I will make a little promise to my self every day to be out the house by half 11.weather it be for a walk, shop etc. how does it sound x

Aaaahfuck Sat 23-Feb-19 16:01:36

Was he like this when you had your first child (doing nothing)? Why doesn't he make you breakfast?

category12 Sat 23-Feb-19 16:02:52

It sounds like it'll get you nowhere, because if he was a decent guy he'd be cleaning after himself anyway and trying to look after you.

You had his baby 6 weeks ago, fgs. If you're breastfeeding he ought to be putting some of that thought he puts into his own nutritional needs into making sure you're fed too. He ought to be mucking in, instead of going to the gym in his spare time.

MitziK Sat 23-Feb-19 16:12:38

I misunderstood - I thought the problem was wanting to get on with things/spend time with the baby without him around in the mornings (from the wishing for him to have a 9-5 job).

Not that the baby needs to stay with Dad for another few minutes until she's had a shower (or if a morning one isn't wanted, putting baby into the car seat so it is perfectly safe on the bathroom floor whilst she has one in the evening).

At the same time, as he makes his breakfast, it wouldn't kill to make two portions, rather than her relying upon a sugary snack. And it's simple enough to eat or drink coffee with the baby beside you. Admittedly, it can take a little while to get used to eating with one hand, but it's doable.

It's handy to make a batch of bottles up in advance so they are just taken out of the fridge and warmed up as needed during the day.

And as babies get older, they usually get happier being laid down, rather than needing to be held all the time. Or, if not, a sling makes it easier to carry on with the things that need to be done whether there's somebody else there or not.

It's easy to slip into not even asking for things to be done differently and quietly seething about it when the other person doesn't instantly know what would help.

Other than that, if it's in any way possible, I'd say that a dishwasher is an essential part of reducing mess in the kitchen - and it's not hard for anybody to load one as they go along, as it gets the things out of the way instantly.

My routine when the second came along was;

Deal with baby, get dressed. Initially was about 5am, but gradually moved to just after 6.
Sort out pets. (at this point, the ex would be getting up and sorting himself out, whether it was for work or the gym).
Get older one ready for school.
Chuck stuff in dishwasher.
Put baby in buggy.
Walk to school.
Walk back, sometimes via the shops. Baby usually asleep by the time I got back, usually stayed asleep whilst carrying buggy up five flights of stairs, so left in there.
Have breakfast/brunch, chucking plates, etc, straight into dishwasher and switched on.
Get on with 'stuff', including sterilising bottles once I started switching to them at 3 months.
Baby asleep again from about 1.30pm, sitting down for a bit/having lunch/whatever.
2.30pm, start school run.
Back at 3.45pm.
Tea at 5pm.
Oldest for bath, story and bed at 7pm. Ex was usually in by this point, so dinner was put on whilst he did fuck all changed his clothes and watched telly.
Once eldest in bed, scoot around the kitchen with baby nearby.
Baby cuddled whilst watching TV.
Baby bedtime routine. If still wakeful, taken into the bathroom with me.

Worked well for me - and when I went back to work part time when she was 4 months old, it worked for the two days I had off, too especially once the ex fucked off and I went back fulltime

Admittedly, the second was an early summer baby, so there wasn't quite such a huge rush all the time and the weather was generally a bit brighter and nicer, but the rain cover and waterproof jacket saw plenty of use from September onwards.

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