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AIBU to lose my sexual feelings

(17 Posts)
Wild123 Sat 23-Feb-19 11:27:59

I love my partner very much and find him very attractive. We have a good relationship but one thing that keeps coming up and we just cant seem get solve is how unattractive he feels when im not being super affectionate towards him.

When life is good, stress levels are low im all over him most of the time. However, my stress levels are high right now, im constantly tired and just feeling generally fed up with everyday life. Ive lost my sexual desire i still kiss, cuddle and will rub his back but will initiate no sexual contact although when he does i get in the mood pretty quickly. He wants me to initiate the sexual contact most of the time or it make him feel like i dont want him in that way.

AIBU to think i cant be that way all of the time and that when im not feeling it to want him not think its because i dont find him attractive?

Wild123 Sat 23-Feb-19 13:20:10

My agrumenr is if im picking up the slack in other areas of our relationship am im being unreasonable to expect him to see im worn out and to puck up the slack in there area for a short period of time?

Wild123 Sat 23-Feb-19 17:49:28

Guessing IABU

John470322 Sat 23-Feb-19 18:03:50

If I can comment as a male YANBU.
You respond when he initiates sexual contact. What is his problem? I sometimes initiate sexual contact, sometimes my wife does but it does not matter who starts it, we enjoy being together.

RoboticSealpup Sat 23-Feb-19 18:04:51

He wants me to initiate the sexual contact most of the time

That's a bit weird, he sounds extremely insecure.

Yesicancancan Sat 23-Feb-19 18:30:41

Sounds to me quite a controlling attitude to say the onus is on you to initiate, especially to be shitty when you don’t.

Yesicancancan Sat 23-Feb-19 18:32:25

How about whoever wants to initiate, can and does. That’s normal isn’t it?

Butchyrestingface Sat 23-Feb-19 18:46:27

He wants me to initiate the sexual contact most of the time or it make him feel like i dont want him in that way.

What a big, bloody baby.

Do you have to massage his ego placate him in other areas too?

Wild123 Sat 23-Feb-19 18:50:39

He's very insecure and after 2.5 years of trying to prove he doesnt need to be my patience is running out..

I'd understand it if i never laid a hand or kiss on him or i didnt show i loved him a million other way but thats not the case at all.

This isnt just about touching to lead to sex its just the amount of affection he requires is becoming too much for me to keep up with.

recrudescence Sat 23-Feb-19 18:57:02

Pick a night together and put it in your diaries. That way all the who’s going to initiate sex thing is avoided. Also, it’s nice to have something to look forward to.

redastherose Sat 23-Feb-19 19:00:37

In a way it does sound controlling because he is making it all about him. It's not a mutual thing it's him saying constantly 'prove you love me by doing what I want'. It shouldn't be like this at all. You should both be able to initiate or say no I'm tired without the other putting pressure on. There is nothing more likely to kill desire than feeling under pressure to do something a certain way as it takes all the spontaneity out of your relationship. Can I ask is the sex actually on his terms too?

Wild123 Sat 23-Feb-19 19:01:02

Its not just about sex..its more about the physical contact and affection.. good times we have it 2/3 times a week.. stressed times like now still once a week.

Wild123 Sat 23-Feb-19 19:02:18

No the sex part is all about me and we have REALLY good sex that leaves us both satisfied.

IM0GEN Sat 23-Feb-19 19:03:10

He sounds very hard work and quite controlling. Do you see this working out long term for you ?

Wild123 Sat 23-Feb-19 19:23:05

I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but i cant get him to see he's being unreasonable and that just because im not showing him extra attention doesnt mean i dont want to be intimate with him or that i dont find him attractive because i most definately do.

John470322 Sat 23-Feb-19 20:26:22

Tell him what you think. Maybe even show him this load of messages. It might be difficult but you said "I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him" so show him how much you care by telling him.

Wild123 Sat 23-Feb-19 20:51:13

I tell him i love him every single day and he does me

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