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Joint party and CF parents

(151 Posts)
Chintaria Sat 23-Feb-19 08:39:18

So, dd (5) is going to a joint party this afternoon. Both girls are her friends, but one more than the other. The parents of the girl she knows less are pretty much CF’s, & very smug and sanctimonious.
Dd recently had her birthday, was given lovely gifts, but from the CF’s daughter received a small Mr Men book & a mini pack of 5 felt tips.
I am not grabby, but do feel like they were extremely rude - they are both very wealthy and their dd’s name wasn’t on the present, so perhaps they hoped they’d get away with it. Their dd proudly picked it out from the rest of the gifts to give to my dd, who was of course delighted with it.
So, it’s now their dd’s birthday & they have requested a bank transfer so they can buy their daughter a bigger present. I feel a bit peeved to be honest! We usually spend around £12-15 (school average) on each child, but I really object in this case.
The other girl is lovely, lovely parents, but the mum is quite good friends with the CF mum.
So, what do I do? Suck it up and transfer £12 each girl, or make transfers of different amounts just because I am pissed off?
WWYD please...and of course AIBU?

Sexnotgender Sat 23-Feb-19 08:42:31

Not helpful but asking for bank transfersconfused is that a thing these days?

I can kind of understand not wanting to end up with a load of plastic crap but would stipulate no gifts rather than ask for a bank transfer.

Floralhousecoat Sat 23-Feb-19 08:42:53

Yanbu. Just put different amounts. Cf mum can hardly ask you about it, can she?

Nanny0gg Sat 23-Feb-19 08:42:56

It's not the child's fault.

Was your dd invited by both girls?

Sexnotgender Sat 23-Feb-19 08:43:18

Oh and you’re not being unreasonable.

I’d transfer different amounts but I’m a sleep deprived grump right now.

RestingBitchFaced Sat 23-Feb-19 08:46:00

I would ignore their request and give a small gift and a card - cheeky fuckers

slipperywhensparticus Sat 23-Feb-19 08:47:44

Gift and a card each fuck the bank transfer pay for your own kids toy!

Girlsnightin Sat 23-Feb-19 08:47:59

I would not transfer cash but get two presents instead.

UrsulaPandress Sat 23-Feb-19 08:48:10

Bank transfer😂😂

Stick a fiver in a card.

Chintaria Sat 23-Feb-19 08:49:49

@Nanny0gg that’s the only reason I would give the same amount to both of them, it’s not her fault I know.
Yes, dd was invited by both girls.

BeautyWasTheBeast Sat 23-Feb-19 08:50:41

How will cf parents child feel when her friend gets a mountain of presents off everyone and she has nothing... Poor kid.

I'd get her a present

StinkyCandle Sat 23-Feb-19 08:51:47

You are both rude and entitled.

they were extremely rude - they are both very wealthy hmm if that's not the CF comment of the day! They gave a birthday present to your child, perfectly acceptable, if you are miffed, imposed a spending limit next time. Anyone would have been happy, you sound awfully grabby.

Requesting a bank transfer is just as rude, hopefully they didn't include a minimum amount requirement?

I would just put cash in an envelop, or do a bank transfer of a fiver, it's not a huge deal frankly.

You do sound as bad as each other, so I wouldn't bad mouth them too much if I was you!

Youmadorwhat Sat 23-Feb-19 08:52:00

Just explain that you already have a gift and get a gift.

CripsSandwiches Sat 23-Feb-19 08:52:28

I don't think they're cheeky for buying your DD a sensible present (book and pens your DD liked). I do think present giving at big parties get ridiculous. My DC come home with absolutely mountains of gifts including quite a lot of expensive, plastic items which won't ever get used (but I feel I can't donate in case the giver comes round and notices).

It feels stupid to spend so much money so that people don't notice and think you're cheap. I'm always happy when one of my DC get a £3 book. Doesn't take up space and they're happy - what's the problem?

That said asking for bank transfers is cheeky. Much better to ask people to only give a small token gift (especially since they're well off). It also seems like an excuse to use other people's generosity so the parents can give their child a gift. I would probably just give the same amount. It is petty to take out your dislike for the parents on the child and it's not like your DD doesn't know this other girl.

hibbledibble Sat 23-Feb-19 08:53:04

No need to transfer cash. You don't give to receive, so I wouldn't be bothered what her parents had given you.

It's fine to give presents if you prefer, or put some money in a card. I would give the same to each child so as not to upset either

PalmTree101 Sat 23-Feb-19 08:53:48

What was wrong with the birthday gift? Your DD liked it!

You sound quite money obsessed.

SuperLoudPoppingAction Sat 23-Feb-19 08:56:15

I'm struggling to edit the image of a little girl excitedly finding her gift to present to the party kid into something bad - a book and some pens sounds like a nice present.

Sarahjconnor Sat 23-Feb-19 08:58:51

Bank transfer grin omg I’d love to see someone try that in Yorkshire.

GabriellaMontez Sat 23-Feb-19 08:58:59

Second a fiver each in a card.

Just ignore th bank transfer. Cheeky fuckers.

FullOfJellyBeans Sat 23-Feb-19 09:02:44

I'm sorry but you sound just as grabby as them! Why were you annoyed they got your DD a perfectly nice present? What was there "to get away with" about that?

Most people I know dislike the tendency to over spend at birthday parties. The child is usually more than happy with something little to open - they don't need a mountain of £15 toys. The parents don't want mountains of plastic to find space for and even those who can afford it don't want to waste £15 every other week.

Bank transfers is ridiculous though - the classy thing to do would be to say just do small gifts. Otherwise just a fiver in a card surely - are they expecting people to be giving upwards of £50? if not they don't need bank transfers!

Chintaria Sat 23-Feb-19 09:03:34

Thanks for your comments 😁 I am definitely not money obsessed, but perhaps these particular parents have irritated me to the extent that I am just being difficult 🧐 I constantly get the impression with them that they are out for what they can get, and that annoys me.
You are right though, their daughter should not be treated differently just because she has ar*ehole parents, so will pop some money in envelopes for both girls.
Thanks for helping me gain some perspective!

Aridane Sat 23-Feb-19 09:04:58

You are a CF complaining about the birthday present recivbeciase thne parents are wealhy

Chintaria Sat 23-Feb-19 09:05:03

That was meant to be a grin not a 😁 btw!

Chintaria Sat 23-Feb-19 09:05:33

Argh, my phone is playing up! Ignore the last message 😂

Ylvamoon Sat 23-Feb-19 09:06:32

Stick a 5er in a card...
A gift should be something you want to give not made to give.

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