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AIBU?

To not want to deal with newborn and sick dd at the same time!?

20 replies

comeonsammy · 23/02/2019 00:58

I have a 3 week old and a 4 year old.
Current routine is husband stays up til midnight does last feed, I do night feeds (normally 2) happy with this as I go to bed a bit earlier to get a few more hours in. So he normally has a solid 7/8 hours, I have a few 3 hour stints.
Anyway! 4yo dd has a tummy bug and is throwing up. So far 4 times since 7pm.
She's in bed with me- Bowl at the ready.

We don't have a spare room so when DH brought baby up and said he was going to sleep in stepsons room (cabin bed) i said we need to do one downstairs on couch with baby and one in our bed with dd. And he got a cob on!

Aibu in that I don't want to deal with them both in my room with me whilst he just goes to sleep!!

Dd keeps crying on and off cos her tummy is obviously bothering her, and I wouldn't be able to help her if I was in middle of feeding the baby. Plus, she's not going to sleep much as is and is likely to be disturbed when the baby wants feeding and screams blue murder because I didn't have the foresight to know before he did !

He's really annoyed me and moodily taken baby downstairs with him.

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Weenurse · 23/02/2019 01:00

That is fair, tbh though mine would have left me to deal with both.
He may be grumpy but he did step up

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 23/02/2019 01:04

Surely you’re talking common sense?! Why on earth would he think he was being reasonable leaving his 3 week pp wife dealing with a newborn and vomiting preschooler overnight whilst he snores away in disturbed?

I’d be having words in the morning.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 23/02/2019 01:05

He may be grumpy but he did step up

He shouldn’t be expecting a star on his arse for basic parenting.

donajimena · 23/02/2019 01:06

Fuck no! Even my arsehole ex of a disney dad wouldn't have done that.

comeonsammy · 23/02/2019 01:06

He took him once I said 'fine just leave them with me' , that's when he got in his mood.

Now I'm thinking I should have just kept baby up here with me as tomorrow he'll piss me off with his self pity about not having a full nights sleep- I can just imagine him now.

He's not normally so selfish 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

greenlynx · 23/02/2019 01:19

YANBU, he was very selfish even to suggest that you will deal with both DC. And it’s better to keep them separate.
Hope you DD will be better soon.

Ispywithmycynicaleye · 23/02/2019 02:08

YADNBU expecting your DP to pull his weight and help! Men so often think they are entitled to a full night sleep while us women struggle through the night!

I totally sympathise with you, my 8 month old DD has had a stomach bug since Tuesday, latest vomiting episode an hour ago! I'm lucky tho, my DP does what he's told helps when I need him.

MonsterKidz · 23/02/2019 02:24

You cannot deal with feeding a newborn and a puking 4 year old. You are not superwoman. If both need dealing with at the same time!

I’m glad he took the baby, it’s one of those situations where it isn’t ideal but that’s parenting and guess what, it’s what we all do!

If he’s pissy tomorrow, remind him of that. If it’s out of character, then hopefully he’ll come round quickly.

I once had a newborn breast feeding baby who was up all night and a 4 year old. We went to a wedding and were in a hotel, my husband had to be away with work and I was alone. I got a Sickness bug and spent all night on the loo in between trying to feeding baby and deal with 4 year old who was in the same room and kept being woken... absolute worst night EVER!

Good luck OP x

Purpleartichoke · 23/02/2019 04:40

Your division makes no sense. He is just going to be bringing you a crying baby to feed in the night. Shouldn’t you have the infant and he watches the older child?

MangoBiscuit · 23/02/2019 04:48

By your normal division of labour, if he was expecting you to have both DCs after 12, he should have been looking after both DCs before 12.

He's the one who changed to normal set up when he let your sleep get interrupted.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/02/2019 05:24

MangoBiscuit nailed it. I also don’t think this is sustainable for you long term. Don’t you ever get a complete night of undisturbed sleep?

paintinmyhairAgain · 23/02/2019 07:42

he just needs reminding every so often that he is a parent he's not a baby sitter, helping you out or being great by stepping up to the mark. he's a parent and parents have to get on with their child care regardless. if you cant' / won't then don't have kids to start with.

Booboostwo · 23/02/2019 08:20

Once you have two DCs you each take one during difficult times. He is really BU. Why should you have to cope with a newborn and sick 4yo while he sleeps?! Not to mention that it’s best to try to keep the newborn away from the sick 4yo anyoway.

Hope you got some sleep.

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 23/02/2019 08:34

Your husband is a lazy twat

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 23/02/2019 11:14

No breastfeeding mother ever gets an uninterrupted nights sleep mummyoflittledragon 😂 that’s going to be the case for months if not more.

But OP, YAsoNBU. Your husband was a massive dick. He should have taken the older child. I doubt a three week old will settle without you and he’ll still have to wake you to breastfeed.

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 23/02/2019 11:16

I also spent a couple of sleepless nights dealing with a puking two year old and breastfeeding baby, while then DH was away at work. Worst nights ever. There’s no way I’d have put up with him sleeping elsewhere in the house while I did that and he wouldn’t have tried either. If he had, he’d have been an ex a lot sooner. Your dh should be ashamed!

WhatTheNightBrings · 23/02/2019 11:19

I hope things were ok last night.
If you have more tonight, please DO NOT take baby to the couch. If you (or husband) fall asleep on the couch with the baby this could be extremely dangerous. Baby would be safer in bed with one of you (of other risk factors are reduced) and downstairs with DD if that is possible.

Merryoldgoat · 23/02/2019 11:19

YANBU.

My DH wouldn’t even need to be asked. We have 1yo and 6yo.

Both have basically been ill since mid-December on and off and we both work. It’s been fucking hell but we’ve swapped, shared, taken leave alternately, snatched what sleep is available etc.

Sometimes we’ve been grumpy but at the situation, not at the work and not at each other.

Him getting 7-8 hours interrupted sleep every night is bloody outrageous.

Stormwhale · 23/02/2019 11:23

From the fact that the dh was doing the last feed of the night, I think op may not be exclusively breastfeeding, or is at least expressing meaning there is no reason whatsoever that the husband couldn't manage the new born.

I think you were completely in the right op. I would be letting him know I was upset and asking if he feels leaving you with a sick 4 year old and a new born while he has a lovely nights sleep is fair. I would then just wait. He can't justify that.

comeonsammy · 24/02/2019 00:24

Thanks for all the replies.
Just to clarify I'm not breastfeeding, and the current routine works as if he was doing the night feed and I was in bed next to him I would wake up anyway.

Also- he slept on the couch with baby in his crib in the living room, not actually on the couch with him.

He came upstairs this morning with his tail between his legs and a grovelling apology.
Dd was up most of the night so I should have taken the newborn instead haha

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