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Mansplaining

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Grammarist Sat 23-Feb-19 00:53:56

Just had a discussion with the ever-lovely DH where I mentioned that a female friend of mine (an eminent Professor in her field) was a target of mansplaining via a live TV interview recently.

DH exploded at me. Mansplaining apparently isn't real and I shouldn't think that it is...

Hmmm.... I think he may be doing it to me. Dick smile

NothingOnTellyAgain Sat 23-Feb-19 13:57:11

Oh another good one!

Remember that actor bloke, was it matt damon? on a thing about racism in hollywood/ films
INTERRUPT a black woman who was in the middle of talking to explain why she was wrong and what the real issues were

grin

What a complete twat.

I'll see if I can find it.

MerdedeBrexit Sat 23-Feb-19 13:58:01

Ghosty, if only we'd known sooner, it would all have been over by now and Bobby could have come out of the shower!

NothingOnTellyAgain Sat 23-Feb-19 13:58:15

vimeo.com/139369961

Thesuzle Sat 23-Feb-19 14:02:15

Oh Sharedthismonth. ! What are you trying to post,, i had a rather mild reply pulled last week, apparently Silly girls is an aggressive form of words... lets see how long this sits here ,

User6949671 Sat 23-Feb-19 14:02:41

I'm not dismissing your experiences. They suck, they shouldn't happen and yes they are real.
No one explained anything g for a start, it is quite natural stone assume a man not a woman is in charge of a very male oriented sport. Not right but understandable
It's a teaching experience at best a case of being a total twat at worst
However it is not man splaning.

JacquesHammer Sat 23-Feb-19 14:04:47

However it is not man splaning

I don’t know how many times. The number of times a MAN has told me (incorrectly) that they know my area of expertise better than me is mansplaining.

I don’t know how to make this any simpler

SmileEachDay Sat 23-Feb-19 14:05:05

I'm not dismissing your experiences
However it is not man splaning

You are. You are insisting that your interpretation of the experience is right, and dismissing how the actual people involved experienced it.

Thegoodthere Sat 23-Feb-19 14:06:25

Well actually, user is correct. It's not "mansplaning" cos they keep spelling it wrong.

moosesormeece Sat 23-Feb-19 14:11:49

Tell you what, I'll stop using the term "mansplaining" when men stop explaining to me that I must be imagining my own life experiences.

NothingOnTellyAgain Sat 23-Feb-19 14:14:26

I don't use the word mansplaining IRL because it gets everyone very worked up

The connection with more serious areas where men believe / tell women that they must be mistaken about things that have happened to them is a bit of a revelation for me.

BartonHollow Sat 23-Feb-19 14:17:26

I see someone is trying to use a case of a semi understandable error of judgement disproving mansplaining..

Only the example that you are using to "disprove" mansplaining isn't an adequate example of what mansplaining is.

Feelinguilty77 Sat 23-Feb-19 14:23:03

How about when a guy I was dating (who was 22.5 stone and had never set foot in a gym) spent 15 minutes demonstrating to my personal trainer female friend how to correctly do a squat?

If that isn't mansplaining, what would you call it?

JacquesHammer Sat 23-Feb-19 14:24:02

it is quite natural stone assume a man not a woman is in charge of a very male oriented sport. Not right but understandable

Not really when it’s very obvious. But do feel free to keep excusing poor male behaviour. One wonders why you’re so invested in that.

BartonHollow Sat 23-Feb-19 14:34:55

One wonders indeed @JacquesHammer about the back of the posters hands...

SmileEachDay Sat 23-Feb-19 14:35:31

I’m going to invent a new word. “Manquiring” - when someone assumes that the woman can’t be in charge and “manquires” about where the actual boss is.

NothingOnTellyAgain Sat 23-Feb-19 14:36:07

feelingguilty that is hilarious grin]

we need to laugh at these twits. what an absolute plonker grin

CheerioHunter Sat 23-Feb-19 14:38:07

How about when a guy I was dating (who was 22.5 stone and had never set foot in a gym) spent 15 minutes demonstrating to my personal trainer female friend how to correctly do a squat?

Only you know the answer regarding him and the situation. But would he have done the same if it was a male trainer? Was he older so was being condescending to her in an age related way etc?

I've been doing my job for 15 years, and I'm genuinely very good at it, and take immense pride in it.

I have people (probably about 80% male, but obviously 20% female) try to tell me how to do it.
Often both do it in a "You know best, but would this be possible or better" way, in which case you take it on board and almost always its not right or possible so I explain why, rarely, but once or twice its a way I'd never have considered so even though I'm vastly more qualified, experienced and accomplished, I wouldn't (and I don't think anyone should) dismiss input from someone who isn't.

Occasionally you get someone probably slightly more female in my personal experience, try to tell me how to do the job believing they know better.
Would this be mansplaining to me a male, from a male? Or womansplaining from a female?
Personally I just put it down to them being know it all arse holes and wonder why the got me in to do the job for them! And would think that would extend to most situations. But fully appreciate, that this view is from my experience which is undoubtly very different to the many experiences that many of you have had.

NothingOnTellyAgain Sat 23-Feb-19 14:42:03

When women say things about men that are seen as criticism

It is VERY important that the man be defended "for balance"

Often by people who weren't there, don't know any of the people involved, didn't hear the conversation etc

If a woman says, what boils down to, I was doing X and a man did / said something sexist and patronising

The answer is invariably

I think you've misunderstood the poor fella

NothingOnTellyAgain Sat 23-Feb-19 14:44:55

So first you get a man being dismissive and patronising and sexist

And then when woman complains it moves to familiar ground of

Womens testimony not worth much / not reliable winesses even of own lives / prone to misjudging / doing men down unfairly

same old same old

Society REALLY doesn't like it when women speak up about things men do they don't like, anywhere along the scale!

Feelinguilty77 Sat 23-Feb-19 14:51:16

CheerioHunter I find that mansplainers have an air about them that possibly us as women are conditioned now to detect in a way that men possibly aren't.

Case in point. I run my own business, and am a female who looks young for my age (relevant). When I go in to quote or work for clients I frequently come across men and women who patronise, scoff, try and tell me how to do my job etc etc. Sometimes it's to do with my sex, their perception of my young age, or both, making them think they know better. These are examples of sexism and ageism. Not mansplaining.

As a woman, I can tell when a man gives me 'That look' before launching into a mansplain. I don't automatically use the term just because a man happens to patronise me.

ALargeGinPlease Sat 23-Feb-19 15:01:55

feeling guilty makes a good point. I, as a woman, know when i am being patronised and when i am being subjected to mansplaining. They are both annoying, but they are different.

CuriousaboutSamphire Sat 23-Feb-19 15:23:01

Jesus Wept!

Look, mansplaining exists.

Women do it to, call it womansplaining.

The problem is that men (as a class) won't accept ANY derogatory term, no matter how jokingly said, from women (as a class). So we get examples such as ^ ^

Women, on the other hand have 2 responses: Oh yes [insert example here]

Or "It doesn't exists cos women do it too, stop being mean"

And I can't remember which rule of misiogyny that is, but it is the one that hurts me most! It's the one that highlights the sad fact that the patriarchal society we live in teaches wmen that they must always be nice, consider the feelings of their before their own, every single time!

You know, if I said "Fuck Off [insert poster name here]" I would expect to get a deletion at the very least.

But I would also get a few posters telling me not to be so horrible, to play nice or I won't be heard.

I truly hate that! I am woman, not allowed to be rude, crude or angry!

EwItsAHooman Sat 23-Feb-19 15:46:08

Curious, and anyone else who doesn't know them or can't remember them, here are the rules of misogyny:

1st rule of misogyny: Women are responsible for what men do

2nd rule of misogyny: Women saying no to men is a hate crime

3rd rule of misogyny: Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish

4th rule of misogyny: Women's opinions are violence against men thus male violence against women is justified

5th rule of misogyny: WATM! Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless

6th rule of misogyny: Women who go around being female AT men by menstruating and breast feeding babies deserve punishment

7th rule of misogyny: Women should always be grateful to men for everything

8th rule of misogyny: Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are

9th rule of misogyny: Men always know the "real reasons" for everything women do and say

10th rule of misogyny: The worst thing about male violence is that it males men look bad

11th rule of misogyny: Basic pattern recognition skills are cruel and evil when they hurt men's feelings

12th rule of misogyny: Whatever women suffer from, men suffer from more

13th rule of misogyny: Women are not oppressed! Rape and catcalling and objectification are all compliments, not oppression

14th rule of misogyny: Women have all the rights they need: The right to remain silent

CuriousaboutSamphire Sat 23-Feb-19 15:56:42

I tahnks you! Seems I was talking about all of the bloody things. Much as I love the list I hate the fact it exists and I recognise the behaviours in it!

I thought I was brought up in more enlighted toimes. Sadly the 1st world has regressed since the 70/80s!

Feelinguilty77 Sat 23-Feb-19 18:47:24

Ohhh I joined the thread and pretty much killed it sad I was really enjoying it too!

Travisandthemonkey Sat 23-Feb-19 19:06:06

It’s just terminology, and if women didn’t feel like it was a relative constant in their life then how did the terminology come about? Genuine question?

Because your answer to that will go a long way to explaining how you view women, even if you are a woman.

BitOfFun Sat 23-Feb-19 20:25:21

Have we had this yet?

CheshireChat Sat 23-Feb-19 20:41:39

DP does 'man-grabbing' he takes whatever out of my hands, messes about with it and then tries to dazzle me with his knowledge.

SpamChaudFroid Sat 23-Feb-19 21:41:25

Again I ask what's the term when it comes to woman doing the same, what isn't there one of these when woman can be just as bad if not worse?

This is brilliant! Right on cue, a perfect example of whataboutery as well!

MitziK Sat 23-Feb-19 22:06:09

The time I had a man jump up and stand in the middle of the stage, take an XLR lead out of my hand and explain to me VERY carefully how to twist it into some demented Celtic knot pattern before tieing the entire thing in half (and therefore permanently damaging both the casing and most likely the wires inside) was a particular highlight.

Especially when my assistant came along, exclaimed 'what fucking dick did that?' and chucked it straight into a bin bag.

saccade Sat 23-Feb-19 22:45:39

Thanks @lizzie. That’s so disheartening. Are the women largely going along with it, or is there even a way for them to express their dissatisfaction.

saccade Sat 23-Feb-19 22:46:52

Sorry my last reply just above was to @lizzie48

Lizzie48 Sun 24-Feb-19 00:02:53

@saccade The women do go along with it; they see it as being faithful to what the bible teaches, and therefore the way it should be. I believe it's a misunderstanding of what the bible teaches, and obviously the cultural context was completely different in any case.

I personally think the churches are missing out on what a lot of very gifted women have to offer.

There are women who argue against it, obviously, that's the reason why we have C of E bishops now. So change does happen, just not as quickly as a lot of us would like.

saccade Tue 26-Feb-19 08:03:21

Thanks @Lizzie48. I completely agree with everything you say. I’m wondering how change can be brought about; I wonder whether just due to the very nature of the institution, such changes will inevitably be maddeningly slow. I suppose it is a case of changing hearts and minds, person by person.

Lizzie48 Tue 26-Feb-19 13:53:11

The problem isn't with the large institutions within the church (apart from the RC Church), it's with independent Evangelical churches, which really are a law unto themselves. And of course run by men.

I grew up in one of these and I'm very disillusioned by them, l

BartonHollow Tue 26-Feb-19 13:58:59

The best one is that woman who got a snotty tweet saying WELL ACTUALLY, IF YOU'D READ THE ARTICLE

And replied with

"I wrote the article"

😂

Lizzie48 Tue 26-Feb-19 14:00:21

Posted too soon. Not just over this issue. They cover up abuse in the home because they don't want to bring shame on the church. A friend of mine was told that she was to blame for her DH sexually abusing her DD. It left me in despair, as they've clearly not changed since the childhood abuse suffered by DSis and me was covered up.

Lizzie48 Tue 26-Feb-19 14:02:07

My friend was told that she and her DD shouldn't report the abuse either, because it would bring shame on the church.

BartonHollow Tue 26-Feb-19 14:06:51

Sorry I posted something trivial in the middle of something serious blush

That is by and large how the molester got away with it in Abducted In Plain Sight

Both families were members of the LDS church and they just wanted it hushed up

SlinkyDinkyDoo Tue 26-Feb-19 14:14:07

Does he also think the glass ceiling is made up?

SlinkyDinkyDoo Tue 26-Feb-19 15:07:35

https://goo.gl/images/GNmmkr

Snoozysnoozy Tue 26-Feb-19 15:40:57

BartonHollow

Any evidence for your post about the article? Feels a bit like a myth.

BartonHollow Tue 26-Feb-19 15:43:44

Yes it was an actual Twitter exchange!

I'll find a link

BartonHollow Tue 26-Feb-19 15:50:17

https://mobile.twitter.com/caseyjohnston/status/541302491313213440

He's deleted his original tweet now but an article about it is here :

https://www.buzzfeed.com/bradesposito/it-was-me

Snoozysnoozy Tue 26-Feb-19 16:31:42

Thank you. Should have realised when it was on Twitter. Funny though

Slowknitter Tue 26-Feb-19 17:14:24

The fact that women sometimes explain things in a similarly ignorant but patronising way does not mean that mansplaining 'doesn't exist'. Mansplaining is a blatant demonstration of sexism and displays a (perhaps sometimes subconscious) belief that men inherently know more about everything than women do. It's a thing many of us recognise, and its motivation and often its style are specifically male.

limitedperiodonly Tue 26-Feb-19 20:15:16

user please stop misspelling mansplaining. It's making you look even more of an idiot.

grin

MulticolourMophead Sun 03-Mar-19 15:00:38

Could this be a contender for the ultimate in mansplaining?

SmileEachDay Sun 03-Mar-19 15:04:25

OMG Multi I remember that exchange on Twitter. He went on for DAYS, refusing to accept he was wrong, then trying to claim the terminology needed to “move with the time”. It was hilarious.

MulticolourMophead Sun 03-Mar-19 15:05:49

He's clearly not realised he's the one out of step..... grin

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