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To not give in and speak to DH first

(358 Posts)
OTRDN Fri 22-Feb-19 18:15:54

The other evening, DH, DS and I were discussing how much money to give DS to go out to the cinema and get some food with his friends - I said £20 and DH said no £10 is enough. Obviously DS wanted the £20 and DH accused me of undermining him.

I explained that as I had offered the £20 first - it was actually him that was undermining me but he disagreed.

The money was actually DS's, we just look after it so that he doesn't spend it all at once, so I couldn't see the problem with £20. DH said that DS wont learn the value of money if we give him £20, but I argued that if we controlled how much we gave him he would never learn the value of money. If he wanted to spend all of his money he could - then he would run out of money and begin to learn the value of it.

Anyway moving on, after DS was in bed DH and I were sitting in our front room watching the TV and DH carried this on saying I was undermining him, he got really angry and told me to leave the room because he didn't want to be in the same room as me. Normally I don't do arguing but this night I said no, I told him that if he didn't want to be in the same room as me then that is his decision and he should leave the room.

Well, then he turned off the TV I was watching and took the remote control and said " well if you won't leave, you can sit here in silence!"

I was gobsmacked and did go a little bit mental, telling him he can not treat me like that.... since then DH has not spoken to me (he normally cooks dinner - but he has cooked everybody elses but mine) I really don't think I should back down on this, but I hate the silence and awkwardness.

AIBU not to give in and speak to him first?

Wolfiefan Fri 22-Feb-19 18:17:38

Is he always such a controlling arse?

cheesydoesit Fri 22-Feb-19 18:18:25

What a ridiculous reaction from him.

WildIrishRose1 Fri 22-Feb-19 18:19:18

He's a child, having a tantrum because he didn't get his own way.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Fri 22-Feb-19 18:20:32

Wow he sounds like a complete shit. I am 100% with you. I wouldn’t back down and I would be doing the same back to him.

DH and I had a similarly ridiculous situation a couple of years ago - it almost got to divorce, because I was seriously just getting less and less bothered and more detached from the whole situation.

OffToBedhampton Fri 22-Feb-19 18:20:40

He is a dick. That's abusive to turn off TV and take remote control. And to cook dinner but not for you.

He will soon find himself sleeping on sofa and out in his ear if he keeps this behaviour up

TacoLover Fri 22-Feb-19 18:21:03

He sounds like a nightmare.

Unrelated to that, assuming the cinema ticket has already been bought why on earth would you need £20? Even if the cinema ticket has not been bought yet I think £20 is still far too much. You said you're being too controlling by not giving him that amount but you already decide what money to give him so I don't see how that's any different? If you want him to learn the value of money then just give it all to him and let him decide; age dependent, but seeing as he's going to the cinema without you it seems like he's a teenager? Why are you controlling the money of a child old enough to go to the cinema by himself?

Aside from that though, your husband sounds like an arsehole.

PalmTree101 Fri 22-Feb-19 18:21:47

What a horrible man.

LeadMeToTheChocolate Fri 22-Feb-19 18:22:35

He sounds horrid. Are you his wife, an equal? Or a servant?
I think he may be confused.
Don’t let him treat you like this.

poglets Fri 22-Feb-19 18:22:39

He is an abusive prick,

ImperfectAlf Fri 22-Feb-19 18:23:08

Is he three years old, OP? My dgd wouldn’t get away with that behaviour.

wineandroses1 Fri 22-Feb-19 18:23:48

Wow what a twat he is! And a childish one at that. Taking away the remote and not cooking your dinner? Bet your kids thinks he’s an arse too -mine wouldn’t eat knowing I’d got no dinner! He is a complete arse. And for what’s its worth £10 would barely cover the ticket cost where I live, never mind getting a coke etc. If he’s usually like this I’d dump him. Don’t put up with this sort of crap. It’s a slippery slope.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 22-Feb-19 18:24:07

Where do you live where you can go to the cinema and get food for a tenner ?

the other evening - how long has this ridiculous situation gone on shock

And you're still house sharing with this twat?

LeadMeToTheChocolate Fri 22-Feb-19 18:25:26

Ps the cinema is so expensive. I would also give £20. You agreed the £20 first so your ‘husband’ undermined you.
Drink and popcorn would be about £10, are they going to food after?

MumUnderTheMoon Fri 22-Feb-19 18:25:30

A cinema ticket is usually £4/5 plus food? £10 might not have done the job so I think you were spot on to suggest £20. But setting that aside your husband undermined you and then treated you like a child ordering you to leave the room and then turning of the tv. These are discipline methods I would use on my 11yo. You said you don't normally argue. Does he send you out of the room a lot because that's not normal you know.

mollyblack Fri 22-Feb-19 18:25:43

He sounds like a pure fanny.

You need more than £20 to go to the cinema and get a snack/drink.

Your ds should get to decide how much of HIS money he spends.

Your partner has ego/control issues.

MrsTommyBanks Fri 22-Feb-19 18:25:51

He is a knobhead <gavel>

AppleKatie Fri 22-Feb-19 18:26:05

Round here the cinema ticket would be at least £10 never mind the dinner as well.

But even so that is not the point of the argument. He is punishing you for not leaving the room when told? Turning the tv off was petty and childish but if he’d apologised as soon as he’d calmed down I might overlook it but not cooking you food the next day?


Sexnotgender Fri 22-Feb-19 18:26:10

Definitely don’t give in, he’s being totally unreasonable and a massive dick.

mollyblack Fri 22-Feb-19 18:26:27

I meant more than £10

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 22-Feb-19 18:26:42

O/T I went to the pictures last week, one adult, one student ticket = £22, and DS paid for 2 medium cokes and 2 medium popcorn = £16

I want to know where you all live

OTRDN Fri 22-Feb-19 18:26:45

TacoLover - Cinema ticket had not already been bought and they were going to Nandos afterwards, so I don't think £10 would have been enough. DS still has £300 of birthday and Christmas money, so I wouldn't dream of giving him all of that in one go.

Ispywithmycynicaleye Fri 22-Feb-19 18:27:16

Definitly dont back down! And you should order yourself an expensive takeaway for dinner 😁

HouseOfGoldandBones Fri 22-Feb-19 18:27:18

Sorry OP, your DH is an arse.

I hope you've been ordering takeaways or going out for tea instead.

MelanieCheeks Fri 22-Feb-19 18:27:50

He's an eejit. But I wouldn't get into sulking not-speaking game play. I'd just be my normal breezy self, maybe add a head tilt and a "that's nice dear".

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