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Am I doing the right thing

(29 Posts)
changingchanges Fri 22-Feb-19 14:05:15

Called 101 to report an adult I have concerns about

He's my partners stepdad.

He is very pushy on my two girls ages 2.5 and 7 months. He forcefully tickles my two year old, forcefully demands a kiss, I went upstairs and demanded she take a pee on her potty downstairs, she was sleepy so he kept saying and saying aww just come and hug me I'll get you to sleep come read a story and get super cosy on me, doesn't like coming over to my house to see them asks my partner to take them without me to their house, they plan it behind my back when I have plans with my friends that I have to travel to, to make sure I won't come back. One time I went to their house with my children he tried to take her to the toilet alone.

They always want to phase me out, always pictures without me, want my children their without me, he calls her "our" then her name.

I'm back at uni this year and I feel I have no control and I can't the gut horrible feeling thinking he's even in any contract with my children let alone being taken to his house where he wants to take her to the toilet alone.

RaspberryBubblegum Fri 22-Feb-19 14:16:21

I can't imagine how difficult this situation is on your family. What does your partner say about all this? At the end of the day of the two worst scenarios, it's better to be safe than sorry! Hopefully they will have some measures put into effect that will make everything easier for you flowers

snowflakesnow Fri 22-Feb-19 14:22:39

If you have any concerns then you need to protect your children regardless of the other adults feelings. Your children are vulnerable and cannot protect themselves, do not have any regrets

honeylane Fri 22-Feb-19 15:32:11

What does your partner think?

Soubriquet Fri 22-Feb-19 15:43:31

Trust your instincts

Talk to your partner

As it stands there isn’t much you can report to the police as technically he hasn’t done anything.

But wouldn’t leave the girls with him again if you can help it.

Wouldn’t even visit him if you can help it.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 22-Feb-19 15:43:53

101 is to report a crime.

Concerns you need to go to your LA safeguarding (google your borough name = safeguarding) & perhaps talk through with the NSPCC and take their advice on how to keep the girls safe.

oesn't like coming over to my house to see them asks my partner to take them without me to their house, they plan it behind my back when I have plans with my friends that I have to travel to, to make sure I won't come back. One time I went to their house with my children he tried to take her to the toilet alone.

they plan it behind my back - Im sorry - your partner facilitates this. I'd have concerns about him too.

changingchanges Fri 22-Feb-19 15:48:43

I told my partner and he said nothing but then he has never tried to take the kids to see him for 2 months until I made plans tomorrow to go out.

I've phoned 101 and I have officers coming out to talk about it. I'll just say my concerns.

Soubriquet Fri 22-Feb-19 15:48:54

Ah I agree with the advice to call NSPCC

They may be able to steer you in the right direction.

Soubriquet Fri 22-Feb-19 15:49:55

Fair enough OP

Hopefully it’s just a man getting a bit over excited with his step grand children..instead of the more sinister thoughts.

Omzlas Fri 22-Feb-19 16:21:16

You are absolutely doing the right thing, even if nothing untoward has happened

JamPasty Fri 22-Feb-19 17:13:24

Are they your partners children too?

changingchanges Fri 22-Feb-19 17:15:49

Police are over an hour late now I am worrying that if the police look into this and nothing is found that the step dad will turn my partner against me and push him into custody and then my partner will just let them have the girls over night

honeylane Fri 22-Feb-19 17:26:50

OP I think you have an issue with you partner as well. He shouldn't be planning things behind your back.

blackteasplease Fri 22-Feb-19 17:43:45

You are 100% doing the right thing. Although I would have thought nspcc /ss
rather than police but no expert.

bullyingadvice2017 Fri 22-Feb-19 17:49:48

It could all be nothing and your a bit paranoid. Or it might not be. He certainly has boundary issues re the toilet thing. Have you discussed this with your partner? Is there anything else that has been worrying?

SofaSurfer20 Fri 22-Feb-19 17:49:57

Trust your gut

marvellousnightforamooncup Fri 22-Feb-19 17:50:25

You are right to be concerned.

JazzyBBG Fri 22-Feb-19 17:56:05

He sounds strange and you are right to trust your instinct. Perhaps ask the police if he is known under "Sarah's law"? They can then tell you if there are any flags. Of course this only works if he has been caught. Other than that I am not sure what they can do but I think you are right to be concerned and surely your partner can see that? What is his history does he have children/grandchildren of his own and do they have a good relationship?

CoolJule43 Fri 22-Feb-19 17:57:03

You have absolutely done the right thing in contacting 101. Even if a crime hasn't been committed this action may prevent a crime being committed against your daughter.

Your DP's stepdad's behaviour is not normal but, I'm sorry to say, neither is your DP's. Why would they secretly plan to take your daughter to SF's when they know you will be away?

Why the hell would his SF take a girl to the toilet alone? Most normal people would be wary to do such a thing these days.

You are clearly concerned that SF may sexually abuse your daughter so what does it say if your DP secretly plans to take her there? Do you think she may be at risk from your DP too?

Are there are logical reasons for her to be taken there when you aren't present? Is DP's mum present and, if so, what is her behaviour like?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend Fri 22-Feb-19 18:00:54

In my family it’s endearing to call someone “our common name”

Are you an over baring parent? Are they wanting free time with their grandchild because your over bearing with them.

I’m not sure what the issue is with a grandparent taking a child to the bathroom tbh. confused

Your partner must like to spend time with him if he actively chooses to spend his free time with him

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend Fri 22-Feb-19 18:04:48

However I also think YABU to call the police, on what grounds have you called the police, no crime has been committed hmm A father is taking his children to see their step relative!

What do you think the police are going to do?

It’s ntnillgal for a step grandparent to take a child to the toilet.

RabbityMcRabbit Fri 22-Feb-19 18:38:37

101 is to report a crime

No it isn't. That's 999

Redcliff Fri 22-Feb-19 18:44:13

Is your partner your children's father?

OhHolyFcuk Fri 22-Feb-19 19:01:58

Could you request a Sarah's law for any more information?

SusieOwl4 Fri 22-Feb-19 19:11:17

Does your dP not have an opinion on your worries at all ? That’s a bit odd because you are making serious allegations? Surely he must have some idea about whether they are founded ?

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