Friend slept with a stag on night out(490 Posts)
On a night out recently and a friend starting chatting to a group of men on a stag night. She ended up going back to a hotel with, and had sex with the stag.
She thinks she is bu as she is single.
Aibu to think she is wrong?
That guy will have been thinking, "This might be the last chance I ever have to sleep with someone other than my wife!" and panic will have set in. Don't ask me how I know but I do! But you do have to wonder, not about the random girl's behaviour, but about why young men still waltz down the aisle before they are 100% committed to their fiancée. Advice to all would-be married men is, never tie the knot unless you are unable to live without the other person or if you still hanker to sow some wild oats. It isn't a try-before-you-buy contract, it's a lifelong commitment. Well, that's the theory...
She sounds a bit of a skank. But if it wasnt her it would have been someone else
Well, quite. Once you have a situation where the majority think “if you can’t beat them, join them” or “everyone else is doing it so it must be ok”, there begins anarchy.
We are a civilised society, there are some situations in which you just bloody need to control yourself.
As is often quoted on MN, it’s not a race to the bottom. So we have men who have no scruples. Is that an excuse for women to behave the same way? Let’s forget about what’s ok for men and hold ourselves to account for our own behaviour. Decent people don’t hurt other people. It doesn’t matter if the man is “worse” that’s not the matter at hand. Plenty of people do far worse things than me, does that give me the excuse to behave like a shitty human being? Of course not.
Well, it's her life but then it's also her conscience to live with.
And a memory lasts a lifetime. Whether pleasant or not.
I’m not sure I’d want relationships where I didn’t judge someone else’s moral code. I mean, would you be okay with being friends beating their husband - because it’s their business?
Obviously there are levels of severity, but civilised society would fall apart if we didn’t uphold a moral code with each other.
There's a lot of getting into bed on this thread (excuse unfortunate turn of phrase) over something that's entirely someone else's business. My own attitude, had this woman happened to be my friend? I doubt I could have cared less. Other people's lives, other people's business, other people's moral compass/cesspit, whatever way you want to look at it. Some woman unknown to either me or friend has decided to marry a cheating scumbag. That's unfortunate for her but the situation isn't unique; there are a lot out there.
In the situation of the hypothetical 'friend', would this affect our future friendship? It's possible it might. I don't hold with a 'girl code'; the cheat who is betraying his partner is him, not her; she might adhere to a completely different moral code from mine (and that's OK) but her lack of dignity would be difficult to stomach. Boasting of her sexual exploits like some randy, immature, 16-year old over-sharer would be a serious put-off factor, and this alone would make me question why I was friends with such a person in the first place.
Aldi, you've come on a post to preach how people shouldn't judge people while doing exactly what you've come to preach about.
You say you didn't judge me specifically, while admitting you held a judgement in the first place only not specific to me
Get called up on it, you resort to assuming more irrelevant shite.
Your ideal world sounds amazing but isn't practical.
People are more then entitled to have friends who share the same morals, views and values.
It honestly isn't that uncommon, but in your mind that translates to me imposing my morals.
I do have strong morals in regards to other people getting hurt, I do everything I can to make sure I don't partake in someone else's pain,
would I trust someone who didn't share that mentality, probably not, because its bitten me in the arse previously (repeatedly) and I've learnt my lesson from it.
In your world because cheating isn't a big issue for you personally, it shouldn't be discussed.
Cheating in my world is a big issue as I've been through it and I work with women who have lost EVERYTHING because of it.
Agree to disagree all day every day, but at least make your points relevant to the subject at hand.
No immaturity here and the only fear I have is you twisting an ankle getting off your soapbox
Stop putting words in people's mouths to fit your narrative.
Oh and I read just fine, thanks
@Aldi, it’s also a load of complete bollocks because not a single poster on this thread has said that.
I'm not weighing up the behaviours against each other.
Sleeping with a person that you know to be in a relationship is a low act. I wouldn't be friends with someone who would do that.
That's nothing to do with betraying the sisterhood or anything.
The man is the one that has betrayed his fiancee. But the friend has been party to an act which, if discovered, will hurt an innocent person.
It's like someone who knowingly buts stolen goods. Just because they didn't steal them does that make it ok? No. They've participated in something that is wrong.
@mentallyfracked, You can't read, or you seem determined to insist I judged you to support your argument that you're right and I'm WRONG.
I did not judge YOU specifically. And I'm single parent myself. My point which you didn't understand is that you aren't the last arbiter of what constitutes 'moral'.
This reverence for the institution of marriage above all else, above kindness, acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness, mercy, justice, generosity, perspective - that is such immaturity and it is based on FEAR
Ahhh Tellllll but don't you see? She broke the code so she's a slag.
What is a slag exactly?
If it means a woman who is promiscuous and sleeps with any man she chooses, what exactly about that in 2019 warrants being called the perjorative words "a slag"? How is it that this is something that warrants being labelled "a bad thing"?
The woman is single. If anyone is "a slag" in this set up, it's the man who is committed to marry and remain faithful to (we assume not that we know anything about the stag's actual relationship - he could be president of the Open Relationships Society for all we know) his fiance.
I dont think think sleeping w someone who is engaged to be married/married/in a relationship is the mark of a decent human being. Obviously sleeping w someone when ^you're ^ in a relationship is worse.
Ok. Maybe “blaming” the wrong word. Lots of vitriol and name calling. Slag. Skank etc. She might have been less than rosy smelling but I’m not sure she deserves such vitriol. Him, on the other hand ...
And Some would say Stupid talks shit
Oh FGS do we really have to name call this woman, who is the OP’s friend remember! Surely the cheating stag is the ‘slag.’
OP I’ve not seen any response from you, maybe I missed it but how do you feel about this after reading many, many opinions? Interested to know.
Would be end of the friendship for me. She doesn’t even seem to care. She’s not a good person.
Agreed JacquesHammer. I had 2 fwb and several ONS when single. I would never have touched anyone with a partner. I would never cheat on my OH either.
Enjoying string free sex is very different to enjoying an affair or being part of one. Plus I've knon of OM/OW who would claim they were/are in love with the cheat so it's all fine. My friend who pursued those in relationships certainly claimed to love a few of them and therefore concluded that that made it ok for both her and the shitty cheater.
True. Recreational sex - I believe it is called. Harmless, and to be encouraged between individuals who are not in a committed sexual relationship. It should be on the NHS. Now the National Hoax Service!
When adults have no standards of decency they act in the way described: they expect the sex without the love
You’re muddying the waters. It is absolutely possible to have sex without love and still display morals.
When adults have no standards of decency they act in the way described: they expect the sex without the love. Worse still, is when they engage in unprotected sex when already in a committed sexual relation with a partner they are about to marry. The man is this situation behaved disgracefully but the woman was free to indulge in a situation that was for her opportunist and consensual. She has no moral compass that would steer her to responsible sexual behaviour. It is questionable that she would behave in the same way - if she was about to be married. My guess is - she would.
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