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Friend slept with a stag on night out

(490 Posts)
HopeDog Fri 22-Feb-19 11:50:34

On a night out recently and a friend starting chatting to a group of men on a stag night. She ended up going back to a hotel with, and had sex with the stag.

She thinks she is bu as she is single.

Aibu to think she is wrong?

TrixieFranklin Fri 22-Feb-19 12:05:25

They're both arseholes, she knew he was in a serious relationship and he's a cheating cunt.

amilosingitor Fri 22-Feb-19 12:05:26

They're both wrong. I couldn't be friends with someone who did that. Makes me sick. How would she feel if it happened to her? Breaks my heart even thinking about it. We should be ashamed of herself quite frankly.

TellItLikeItReallyIs Fri 22-Feb-19 12:05:34

I hate this whole talk about "girl code" though. Women don't owe women anything just for being women.

I agree with @BitchQueen90

Women placing responsibility for a man's infidelity at the door of another women is a master stroke of patriarchal society in action.

The only person responsible for where a man puts his penis is the man it is attached to.

It remains a shocking double standard.

waterrat Fri 22-Feb-19 12:05:51

eh?? Girl code?? Its got nothing to do with that! It's about being a decent human being who has respect for YOURSELF. and that includes not shagging people who are about to get married. Bleurgh.

Imagine how disgusting that man felt when he got home..( I hope)

spanishwife Fri 22-Feb-19 12:07:51

In theory - she did nothing wrong. His mistake.

However, I wouldn't be friends with someone who thought that was ok. Just not my kind of person.. and that's fine.

IncrediblySadToo Fri 22-Feb-19 12:09:46

Yes she was BU, it’s a dick move to provide the opportunity for the drunken twat to cheat on his STB wife.

Yeah, so if she didn’t someone else might have, but she can only control her own actions.

It would make me trust her less, in general, but definitely in regard to the partners of our friends and that’s pretty sad.

He, of course, is the one RESPONSIBLE for it though. HE is the one about to get married.

Your friend should contact him on FB (if she even knows his name), find his STBW and tell her.

gamerwidow Fri 22-Feb-19 12:11:10

It is grim. Yes she's an adult and she is free to have sex with who she likes but a man like that must have so little respect for women I can't imagine he treated her as anything more than a blow up doll.
Women should be free to have sex whenever they want but at least find someone who wants to make an effort with it.

TrixieFranklin Fri 22-Feb-19 12:13:05

The whole stag and hen do thing is just getting ridiculous now, weeks away costing hundreds and hundreds, cheating, drugs, ridiculous amounts of alcohol.

What happened to a nice meal and a few drinks with close friends to celebrate? It's becoming so far detached from being anything to do with the wedding now it just seems like a big excuse to get fucked up and behave like a twat.

Fraula Fri 22-Feb-19 12:14:38

I think women should treat other women with respect, so I do think we 'owe' each other something.

PBo83 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:16:54

She's bad. He's worse.

Foslady Fri 22-Feb-19 12:18:26

I’d stay friends of sorts.......purely to see her reaction if the day comes she marries and the soon to be groom has his stag do......

GreatDuckCookery6211 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:18:50

Both pretty shit, him more than her though.

Bowchicawowow Fri 22-Feb-19 12:19:00

They are both seedy.

Asta19 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:19:09

I've let friendships drift over a difference in morals before. I agree that you're right OP but that is because that's what my morals tell me. I would also feel the same about a male friend sleeping with a would be bride on her hen do, so it's not about double standards. Your friend has a different view, and some will agree with her. In the end you will have to just agree to disagree or not be friends with her. That's the two options.

pigsDOfly Fri 22-Feb-19 12:22:18

It's a nasty thing to do. It's got nothing to do with 'girl code' it's just being a decent human being.

Yes, the man is a cheating pig, but that's not what the threads about.

Just thinking of that young woman going through her wedding day in happy ignorance that the man she thinks she's going to spend her life with has cheated on her just before their wedding. Everything he says during the wedding, any vows, everything is a lie.

And him being the one who's cheated doesn't absolve the women who had sex with him knowing he was about to get married. They're both horrible.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Fri 22-Feb-19 12:25:11

Single or not it's not exactly sisterly behaviour. I don't really understand why some women would treat other women that way. We can't rely on men, we should be able to rely on each other.

lmusic87 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:25:28

Horrible

SpanielEars070 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:25:55

I met a really nice guy (or so I thought) in a pub on a night out with some friends from work. We talked all night and sat in my car in the car park for another 2 hours talking and kissing. We arranged a date in 2 weeks as he was busy.... I was floating on cloud 9. Then my friend burst my bubble the next morning, saying that I did realise that the wedding she was going to that weekend was his shock ......... she was really confused that I'd spent all night chatting to him let alone arranged to see him again.

I was nearly sick. And needless to say deleted his number.

Tomtontom Fri 22-Feb-19 12:27:41

Breaks my heart even thinking about it

It's grim, but this reaction is ridiculous.

Brilliantidiot Fri 22-Feb-19 12:28:03

Well he's a cheating bastard and likely a lying bastard to boot because I'm betting he won't be going home and fessing up!
But technically I suppose she did nothing wrong, and I don't believe in this 'girl code' either. But I do believe in the 'decent human being' code. It was a shitty thing for her to do, regardless of who the victim is.
Remaining friends for me would largely depend on how she's dealing with it and talking about it. If she's mortified and regretful, I think I could deal with that because I'd feel that yes, she made a shitty mistake, but it was a mistake and she's learned from it. Hiding behind 'I'm single so did nothing wrong' wouldn't sit right with me and I'm not sure I could be as close with someone who was like that.

LoudBatPerson Fri 22-Feb-19 12:29:04

.I know it takes two to tango and it's his fault too, but your friend made it easy by being easy and sleeping with someone elses fella

It is quite incredible that due to "girl code" and "solidarity" among women, people can expect a woman not to have sex with a man on his stag do, however, there is no solidarity in breaking down the societal control of women's behaviour.

Terms such as "skanky" and "being easy" are used to control a woman's behaviour, and keep women in their place without the freedom to make their own choices. If you want women to think about other women in how they act, then maybe think about other women before tossing around these outdated slurs.

Personally, I wouldn't have sex with another person who I believed to be in a monogamous relationship, however, I don't feel entitled to name call and shame another person because someone else chooses to.

FrenchJunebug Fri 22-Feb-19 12:29:25

The stag should be ashamed not your friend.

TellItLikeItReallyIs Fri 22-Feb-19 12:31:08

We can't rely on men, we should be able to rely on each other.

FFS. This perpetuates this myth that its all women's responsibility to look out for each other.

If society women pulled together on this, we would be able to rely on men because they would be held accountable for their own behaviour. People like you just saying "we can't rely on men" is a chunky part of the problem here.

If the default reaction to a man cheating was always "it's your responsibility to be faithful to me, yours alone, it was your choice to sleep with someone else so I'm leaving you", men would be a bit more circumspect and in turn become more reliable.

Instead the default reacton tends towards (not in all cases obviously but there is a tenedancy) "I blame the whore who tempted you knowing that you were married/engaged. I'm upset but of course I wil come round and forgive you because you are a man with a strong uncontrollable sex drive at the mercy of evil female sirens who don't uphold the girl code".

Totallylost18 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:32:28

If the situation was reversed and a man slept with a bride to be on her hen night, I can’t imagine he would be called “skanky”

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Fri 22-Feb-19 12:33:47

Of course the stag is at fault but people saying she shouldn't be ashamed / has done nothing wrong are crackers and in my opinion totally morally corrupt. Whatever you call it: girl code, sisterhood or whatever I don't see what's wrong in women banding together and supporting each other.

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