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Friend slept with a stag on night out

(490 Posts)
HopeDog Fri 22-Feb-19 11:50:34

On a night out recently and a friend starting chatting to a group of men on a stag night. She ended up going back to a hotel with, and had sex with the stag.

She thinks she is bu as she is single.

Aibu to think she is wrong?

mooncuplanding Fri 22-Feb-19 11:52:11

The party line on MN is that its not her responsibility, she is single

However I agree with you. It's not very nice and its pretty grim. Breaks the girl code.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 22-Feb-19 11:53:15

I think it’s none of your business what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom (rented or otherwise).

Your friend is juvenile for discussing her sex life. She should get a dollop of dignity.

AlexaShutUp Fri 22-Feb-19 11:53:31

Both she and the guy were in the wrong. I wouldn't be friends with someone who thought that was ok.

HopeDog Fri 22-Feb-19 11:54:42

* isn't bu

BitchQueen90 Fri 22-Feb-19 11:54:51

I don't think it's a nice thing to do and I wouldn't do it.

I hate this whole talk about "girl code" though. Women don't owe women anything just for being women.

Fraula Fri 22-Feb-19 11:55:20

Clearly immoral, without question.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 22-Feb-19 11:56:14

You never know, perhaps the stag woke up and realised he couldnt go through with the wedding . Who knows?

StealthPolarBear Fri 22-Feb-19 11:56:21

She slept with (effectively) a married man. One who still has the option to reverse his decision if his wife doesn't understand him.
He's more responsible but she's still in the wrong.

marvellousnightforamooncup Fri 22-Feb-19 11:57:00

Well she's not technically cheating as she's single but it's morally dubious IMO.

SuchAToDo Fri 22-Feb-19 11:57:02

Your friend is a bit skanky to be honest op, if she knew he was the stag then she will know he's obviously getting married soon...I know it takes two to tango and it's his fault too, but your friend made it easy by being easy and sleeping with someone elses fella

PrivacyPolicyYeahRight Fri 22-Feb-19 11:57:27

You will get the “none of your business” lines trotted out - if the woman didn’t want people to be involved in her business then she should keep her mouth shut about her sexual conquests.

To be honest your friend is right really. Let’s face it, he would have gone off with a different woman if that was his aim that night. So I see her point.

He sounds a right catch...I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t choose to sleep with a man on a stag. It’s a bit vulgar isn’t it!

79andnotout Fri 22-Feb-19 11:57:52

his problem not hers.

PinkHeart5914 Fri 22-Feb-19 11:58:50

Women don't owe women anything just for being women
Maybe not but decent people don’t fuck over another woman they’ve never met for a cheap shag

His a cheating bastard and your friend is horrible, they are as bad as each other.

Hopefully one day when your friend genuinely loves someone they will cheat and then she’ll understand the pain caused by women like her

AryaStarkWolf Fri 22-Feb-19 11:59:16

Obviously the stag is most wrong there and no doubt if he slept with your friend he could have slept with (and probably has) anyone else, I pity his poor bride to be. It's still a dickish move on your friends part though imo of course

bingoitsadingo Fri 22-Feb-19 11:59:24

Women don't have a responsibility to police the behaviour of crap men.

I wouldn't do it personally, but not because of "girl code", just because I have no interested in sleeping with someone that scummy.

GiveMeFiveMinutes Fri 22-Feb-19 12:00:05

Her moral compass must be broken.

It's not ok to sleep with someone who is about to be married. What he has done is far, far worse, but if she were my friend, I'd be looking at her differently.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee Fri 22-Feb-19 12:00:36

Technically she didn't do anything wrong, but I'd be really wary of her in future, it's just not right.

purplepears Fri 22-Feb-19 12:00:35

Classy

cleanasawhistle Fri 22-Feb-19 12:01:36

You dont sleep with someone elses partner.

I had a friend who found out on the third date that the bloke was married....he is the one cheating,not me.

She is an ex friend.Disgusting attitude

Armadillostoes Fri 22-Feb-19 12:01:54

YANBU. It's more about the human code than the girl code though. Decent people don't have sex with someone if they know that the person they are in bed with is cheating on their partner. It's horrible and selfish behaviour.

Al2O3 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:03:01

Let's hope fawns do not follow.

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka Fri 22-Feb-19 12:03:40

They’re both in the wrong. He’s apparently getting married (lucky bride, not) and she knew that.

He’s a cheating bastard but she’s scummy as well whether she’s single or not.

Asta19 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:03:41

It's more about the human code than the girl code though

^ This, 100%
It's just about being a decent human being.

WhiteDust Fri 22-Feb-19 12:04:24

God. Who are these people?Grim. Both him and her.

TrixieFranklin Fri 22-Feb-19 12:05:25

They're both arseholes, she knew he was in a serious relationship and he's a cheating cunt.

amilosingitor Fri 22-Feb-19 12:05:26

They're both wrong. I couldn't be friends with someone who did that. Makes me sick. How would she feel if it happened to her? Breaks my heart even thinking about it. We should be ashamed of herself quite frankly.

TellItLikeItReallyIs Fri 22-Feb-19 12:05:34

I hate this whole talk about "girl code" though. Women don't owe women anything just for being women.

I agree with @BitchQueen90

Women placing responsibility for a man's infidelity at the door of another women is a master stroke of patriarchal society in action.

The only person responsible for where a man puts his penis is the man it is attached to.

It remains a shocking double standard.

waterrat Fri 22-Feb-19 12:05:51

eh?? Girl code?? Its got nothing to do with that! It's about being a decent human being who has respect for YOURSELF. and that includes not shagging people who are about to get married. Bleurgh.

Imagine how disgusting that man felt when he got home..( I hope)

spanishwife Fri 22-Feb-19 12:07:51

In theory - she did nothing wrong. His mistake.

However, I wouldn't be friends with someone who thought that was ok. Just not my kind of person.. and that's fine.

IncrediblySadToo Fri 22-Feb-19 12:09:46

Yes she was BU, it’s a dick move to provide the opportunity for the drunken twat to cheat on his STB wife.

Yeah, so if she didn’t someone else might have, but she can only control her own actions.

It would make me trust her less, in general, but definitely in regard to the partners of our friends and that’s pretty sad.

He, of course, is the one RESPONSIBLE for it though. HE is the one about to get married.

Your friend should contact him on FB (if she even knows his name), find his STBW and tell her.

gamerwidow Fri 22-Feb-19 12:11:10

It is grim. Yes she's an adult and she is free to have sex with who she likes but a man like that must have so little respect for women I can't imagine he treated her as anything more than a blow up doll.
Women should be free to have sex whenever they want but at least find someone who wants to make an effort with it.

TrixieFranklin Fri 22-Feb-19 12:13:05

The whole stag and hen do thing is just getting ridiculous now, weeks away costing hundreds and hundreds, cheating, drugs, ridiculous amounts of alcohol.

What happened to a nice meal and a few drinks with close friends to celebrate? It's becoming so far detached from being anything to do with the wedding now it just seems like a big excuse to get fucked up and behave like a twat.

Fraula Fri 22-Feb-19 12:14:38

I think women should treat other women with respect, so I do think we 'owe' each other something.

PBo83 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:16:54

She's bad. He's worse.

Foslady Fri 22-Feb-19 12:18:26

I’d stay friends of sorts.......purely to see her reaction if the day comes she marries and the soon to be groom has his stag do......

GreatDuckCookery6211 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:18:50

Both pretty shit, him more than her though.

Bowchicawowow Fri 22-Feb-19 12:19:00

They are both seedy.

Asta19 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:19:09

I've let friendships drift over a difference in morals before. I agree that you're right OP but that is because that's what my morals tell me. I would also feel the same about a male friend sleeping with a would be bride on her hen do, so it's not about double standards. Your friend has a different view, and some will agree with her. In the end you will have to just agree to disagree or not be friends with her. That's the two options.

pigsDOfly Fri 22-Feb-19 12:22:18

It's a nasty thing to do. It's got nothing to do with 'girl code' it's just being a decent human being.

Yes, the man is a cheating pig, but that's not what the threads about.

Just thinking of that young woman going through her wedding day in happy ignorance that the man she thinks she's going to spend her life with has cheated on her just before their wedding. Everything he says during the wedding, any vows, everything is a lie.

And him being the one who's cheated doesn't absolve the women who had sex with him knowing he was about to get married. They're both horrible.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Fri 22-Feb-19 12:25:11

Single or not it's not exactly sisterly behaviour. I don't really understand why some women would treat other women that way. We can't rely on men, we should be able to rely on each other.

lmusic87 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:25:28

Horrible

SpanielEars070 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:25:55

I met a really nice guy (or so I thought) in a pub on a night out with some friends from work. We talked all night and sat in my car in the car park for another 2 hours talking and kissing. We arranged a date in 2 weeks as he was busy.... I was floating on cloud 9. Then my friend burst my bubble the next morning, saying that I did realise that the wedding she was going to that weekend was his shock ......... she was really confused that I'd spent all night chatting to him let alone arranged to see him again.

I was nearly sick. And needless to say deleted his number.

Tomtontom Fri 22-Feb-19 12:27:41

Breaks my heart even thinking about it

It's grim, but this reaction is ridiculous.

Brilliantidiot Fri 22-Feb-19 12:28:03

Well he's a cheating bastard and likely a lying bastard to boot because I'm betting he won't be going home and fessing up!
But technically I suppose she did nothing wrong, and I don't believe in this 'girl code' either. But I do believe in the 'decent human being' code. It was a shitty thing for her to do, regardless of who the victim is.
Remaining friends for me would largely depend on how she's dealing with it and talking about it. If she's mortified and regretful, I think I could deal with that because I'd feel that yes, she made a shitty mistake, but it was a mistake and she's learned from it. Hiding behind 'I'm single so did nothing wrong' wouldn't sit right with me and I'm not sure I could be as close with someone who was like that.

LoudBatPerson Fri 22-Feb-19 12:29:04

.I know it takes two to tango and it's his fault too, but your friend made it easy by being easy and sleeping with someone elses fella

It is quite incredible that due to "girl code" and "solidarity" among women, people can expect a woman not to have sex with a man on his stag do, however, there is no solidarity in breaking down the societal control of women's behaviour.

Terms such as "skanky" and "being easy" are used to control a woman's behaviour, and keep women in their place without the freedom to make their own choices. If you want women to think about other women in how they act, then maybe think about other women before tossing around these outdated slurs.

Personally, I wouldn't have sex with another person who I believed to be in a monogamous relationship, however, I don't feel entitled to name call and shame another person because someone else chooses to.

FrenchJunebug Fri 22-Feb-19 12:29:25

The stag should be ashamed not your friend.

TellItLikeItReallyIs Fri 22-Feb-19 12:31:08

We can't rely on men, we should be able to rely on each other.

FFS. This perpetuates this myth that its all women's responsibility to look out for each other.

If society women pulled together on this, we would be able to rely on men because they would be held accountable for their own behaviour. People like you just saying "we can't rely on men" is a chunky part of the problem here.

If the default reaction to a man cheating was always "it's your responsibility to be faithful to me, yours alone, it was your choice to sleep with someone else so I'm leaving you", men would be a bit more circumspect and in turn become more reliable.

Instead the default reacton tends towards (not in all cases obviously but there is a tenedancy) "I blame the whore who tempted you knowing that you were married/engaged. I'm upset but of course I wil come round and forgive you because you are a man with a strong uncontrollable sex drive at the mercy of evil female sirens who don't uphold the girl code".

Totallylost18 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:32:28

If the situation was reversed and a man slept with a bride to be on her hen night, I can’t imagine he would be called “skanky”

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Fri 22-Feb-19 12:33:47

Of course the stag is at fault but people saying she shouldn't be ashamed / has done nothing wrong are crackers and in my opinion totally morally corrupt. Whatever you call it: girl code, sisterhood or whatever I don't see what's wrong in women banding together and supporting each other.

Cheeeeislifenow Fri 22-Feb-19 12:35:51

It's not about girl code it's about treating humans with kindness. Your friend is immoral. And it's incredibly low

JingsMahBucket Fri 22-Feb-19 12:36:28

Tell your friend to get checked for sexually transmitted infections in a few days. I’m serious. If that guy was so easily willing to do that with a stranger right before his wedding, he’s probably done it lots before. He’s likely been around the block quite a few times. I sincerely hope they used protection.

BartonHollow Fri 22-Feb-19 12:36:34

Agree with the people saying that it's always the WOMEN who get blamed for a MAN'S infidelity

The wife for not giving him enough attention
The other woman for "stealing" as though the man has no free will and has made no choices

YANBU though if I was aware the man was the stag and therefore attached it's just desperately tacky, and buying into "last night of freedom" idea and she has put a low value on herself as much as the bride to be

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz Fri 22-Feb-19 12:39:50

He's more responsible but she's still in the wrong.

// This.

I also agree with Bitchqueen about the concept of Girl Code however sleeping with someone who you know is about to get married is a crappy thing to do. I had a dude fed one night stands before DH however I would never knowingly sleep with a guy who was attached. It's been done to me and it feels shitty. I'm guessing he only saw your friend as a shag.

All a bit sad really, his poor fiancée (sp?)

lostelephant Fri 22-Feb-19 12:42:41

Your friend isn't the one with loyalty to the bride to be, the stag is. Why should she as a single woman be made to feel guilty?

lostelephant Fri 22-Feb-19 12:44:24

I'm guessing he only saw your friend as a shag.

And I'm sure that she only sees him as a shag too, that's kind of the point of a one night stand confused

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 22-Feb-19 12:44:25

Urgh - I get that she's single and has no responsibility to anyone else in this scenario, but I'd still think the worse of her for sleeping with some bloke who is about to marry another woman. It's a bit desperate and completely lacking in morality, even though she's not technically doing anything wrong herself.

As for him, well. I hope his wife-to-be finds out and dumps him.

thecatsthecats Fri 22-Feb-19 12:45:03

I have come to realise over the years that people who behave badly towards other people may be your friends, but that will never stop them from one day including you in their bad behaviour.

Somehow, eventually down the line, you will be actively hurt by or damaged by the consequences of them being a shitty human being.

My husband suffered this recently, with his best friend of many years. Anyone else could see that this man had low boundaries and morals, it just took a long time for it to be directed at my husband.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches Fri 22-Feb-19 12:47:16

I think the following applies to men and women. Treat others as you would want to be treated. So if in her code of ethics she doesn't care if her future husband sleeps with someone else on his stag do then she has nothing to feel bad about. Doubt it though.

TidyDancer Fri 22-Feb-19 12:50:04

The woman is not responsible for the mans behaviour or relationship so I definitely consider him to be more 'at fault' for this, however her behaviour is not fantastic and I'm not sure why you'd want to have a ONS in that circumstance - it's not as if it's a longer standing attraction that she's suddenly not been able to resist, etc. I'm not saying that's justified either, but it's more understandable on the woman's part.

So I do think they are both at fault and both fairly grim, but definitely the man more so.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz Fri 22-Feb-19 12:50:12

Thanks Lostel smile. Realise I stated the obvious there it was meant to reflect the regard I think he had for her.

And agree she doesn't owe anyone anything but if you knowingly create a situation that will cause hurt to another person then your actions are twattish.

Cheeeeislifenow Fri 22-Feb-19 12:52:40

Your friend isn't the one with loyalty to the bride to be, the stag is. Why should she as a single woman be made to feel guilty?

Is that really how you would feel if you were the unsuspecting bride in these circumstances.

lostelephant Fri 22-Feb-19 12:54:44

Is that really how you would feel if you were the unsuspecting bride in these circumstances.

My anger would be towards my husband to be, not somebody whose never met me.

MysweetAudrina Fri 22-Feb-19 12:55:20

Well unless she deliberately made a play for him because she knew he was getting married and did it for the challenge I dont think she did anything wrong. He is the one with the problem. A one night stand is just that, sex with no strings. She was in a position to do that he wasn't.
I dont expect women I dont know to have my back would I would expect the person I am about to marry to.

PalmTree101 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:57:00

Not her issue.

Personally I wouldn't think much of her self esteem i she needed to get of on that, but he is the one getting married not her.

PalmTree101 Fri 22-Feb-19 12:58:24

Is that really how you would feel if you were the unsuspecting bride in these circumstances.

Because men can't control themselves if a woman flaunts herself? Should we all wear burkas so stags don't get tempted by our brazen naked faces and be forced to bend us over and give us a good fucking?

Pk37 Fri 22-Feb-19 13:00:37

She knew so that makes her just as bad .
She doesn’t have to answer to his poor fiancée but she should answer to herself .
The stag is rancid and I hope his future wife gets away before she makes a terrible mistake

SlipperOrchid Fri 22-Feb-19 13:02:17

I have come to realise over the years that people who behave badly towards other people may be your friends, but that will never stop them from one day including you in their bad behaviour.

This is both wise and true.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz Fri 22-Feb-19 13:03:01

If she didn't realise he was the stag that's maybe different. Although from the stag parties I've seen if you get chatting this will be obvious pretty quickly.

If she knew then she's not a nice person.

Cheeeeislifenow Fri 22-Feb-19 13:04:20

*Is that really how you would feel if you were the unsuspecting bride in these circumstances.

Because men can't control themselves if a woman flaunts herself? Should we all wear burkas so stags don't get tempted by our brazen naked faces and be forced to bend us over and give us a good fucking?*

Erhm no.... obviously the man Is a scumbag.
But the responsibility lies with both of them as she knew he was on his stag. It's a shitty thing to do and I really don't understand your comparison, it makes no sense.

Cheeeeislifenow Fri 22-Feb-19 13:06:05

@lostel so if you fancy a man and he is married that's okay because you aren't?
I don't get that logic do people not have morals?

Cheeeeislifenow Fri 22-Feb-19 13:06:52

Wish you could bloody edit

... It's okay to persue him not just fancy from afar?

MammaMia19 Fri 22-Feb-19 13:08:00

The stag is in the wrong not your friend. She's single and has no ties, he can say no and didn't have to sleep with her even if she did initiate it. I wouldn't sleep with a married man but I also wouldn't feel bad if I was her.

sunshineandshowers21 Fri 22-Feb-19 13:08:47

when a group of us were away for a hen do my male friend did this - with a man who was marrying a woman. he even bought him back to our shared room! i had to go knocking on hotel room doors in the early hours of the morning for someone to let me in to share one of their beds. i didn’t talk to him for the rest of the trip and a lot of the other girls let him know how disgusted they were. one of the girls even had a go at the stag when she saw him the next day and told
him that he should be ashamed of himself.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Fri 22-Feb-19 13:10:58

Reading this is honest giving me the rage. Yes, he's at fault but obviously obviously obviously SO IS SHE. It's utterlshit behaefeom Both of them.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Fri 22-Feb-19 13:11:20

*utterly shit behaviour from

Sirzy Fri 22-Feb-19 13:13:35

If you know someone is in a relationship and you sleep with them then that at best shows you have pretty low morals.

It takes two to tango and she chose to do it with someone she knew was in a relationship. I can’t see how that can be justifiable.

JacquesHammer Fri 22-Feb-19 13:14:56

it’s a dick move to provide the opportunity for the drunken twat to cheat on his STB wife

Seriously? He could have said no...

AgeBeforeBeauty Fri 22-Feb-19 13:15:17

What goes around, comes around ... hope she would be fine for her soon-to-be husband to behave the same way before her wedding (hypothetically of course).

CripsSandwiches Fri 22-Feb-19 13:17:43

He is obviously 100 times worse than her. What he's done has betrayed the trust of someone who he presumably loves and loves him just at the moment they're committing to each other. She was complicit but she had no responsibility to anyone in the situation (and to be honest if he wanted to cheat would have done so with someone else anyway), she hasn't broken any promises. I wouldn't have done what she did and I don't think it's very nice but can't be compared to what he's done.

mooncuplanding Fri 22-Feb-19 13:23:47

Girl code is a thing for me though. Females share certain things, mainly childbirth and the 'consequences' of that (e.g. single parenthood, being 'the one') and a woman who doesn't take that into account is a loser to me.

Your friend has no idea if this guy has children. But chose not to care. Women have to take responsibility for this too. Who would these men shag if women did take that stance?

It's not a defamation to feminism to say that. Quite the opposite.

hazandduck Fri 22-Feb-19 13:27:55

@Agebeforebeauty but I’m guessing the friend probably would be ok with it, as she obviously doesn’t care much about fidelity.

Going against the grain here but if I found out my husband had slept with someone on his stag it wouldn’t actually bother me. They are force fed alcohol half the time and encouraged on all sides to have their ‘last bit of freedom.’ It certainly wouldn’t break my heart, I’d think well he made a drunken mistake. Think I’m in the minority here though and having talked to my DH about it he doesn’t agree with me at all!

I genuinely believe this kind of thing goes on at the majority of stag and hen dos.

JacquesHammer Fri 22-Feb-19 13:29:08

Women have to take responsibility for this too

Women NEVER have to take responsibility for a man’s behaviour.

JasperKarat Fri 22-Feb-19 13:29:42

This isn't about gender, it's morally questionable to sleep with someone you know it's in a relationship. He is a cheating cunt but she is an arsehole too. She's not to blame for him cheating he chose that, but she is to blame for her own actions, she chose to have sex with someone in a relationship. I wouldn't be friends with someone with that kind of moral code.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Fri 22-Feb-19 13:31:37

@JacquesHammer no but she should take responsibility for her own! They both knew he wasn't single, they're both equally responsible.

Shoxfordian Fri 22-Feb-19 13:33:37

She's single so she isn't breaking any promises to anyone. He's obviously a knob

YellowLilies Fri 22-Feb-19 13:34:49

Would never be able to respect someone like that so that would be our friendship over.
What a cow!

And I hope the poor bride to be finds out too before she marries the shit who cheated on her!

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz Fri 22-Feb-19 13:39:27

He is definitely a knob of the highest order.

She is not a very nice person either. If this was my "friend" I would suspect that if an occasion were to arise with her and DH shagging she wouldn't think twice. Of course it would be game over with DH as he has betrayed my trust but I would probably want to lamp her too as she was an active participant.

mooncuplanding Fri 22-Feb-19 13:39:43

Women NEVER have to take responsibility for a man’s behaviour.

I think you are missing the point. If you are saying that women are unable to take responsibility for their own behaviour and the impact their behaviour has on others and indeed never should take responsibility, then that is really sad

It's such a cop out to say she has no responsibility in this situation

ConkerGame Fri 22-Feb-19 13:41:11

I’ve never understood the logic behind the argument that “she doesn’t know the bride so she doesn’t owe her anything”.

Plenty of criminals don’t know the victims of their crimes but we don’t turn around and say “oh it’s ok, he didn’t know the person he robbed/defrauded/attacked, so he doesn’t owe them anything”! That would be ridiculous!

Everyone knows that being cheated on is a horrible, painful experience to happen to someone. Therefore if you knowingly hook up with someone who you know is attached, you knowingly cause horrible pain to someone else. Yes it’s worse if you know that person but even if they are a complete stranger to you, it still makes you a dick and I would not be your friend as you clearly have low morals and think nothing of hurting others. That applies whether you’re a man or a woman.

MashedSpud Fri 22-Feb-19 13:41:18

He’s disgusting and she knew he was getting married so she’s a sly bitch.
We are mammals yes but we aren’t dogs who go into heat and can’t help but shag anything with a pulse. We have choices and they both made poor ones.

arethereanyleftatall Fri 22-Feb-19 13:41:44

They are both (probably) arseholes.

Mind, the only person you know for sure is an arsehole; is your friend.
She would no longer be my friend. She puts her own needs before others, so is selfish, self absorbed, isn't kind, is insecure, and has low morals. Not characteristics I'd look for in a friend.

The bloke is either an arsehole, or like someone up thread wrote, has realised (a bit late but not too late) that his fiancée is not for him, and has now ended it. Dh once went on a stag do, when the stag realised on the stag do that she wasn't the right woman for him. He ended it the same day.

TokyoSushi Fri 22-Feb-19 13:44:27

Nope, grim, you don't do that

mooncuplanding Fri 22-Feb-19 13:44:48

She's single so she isn't breaking any promises to anyone

Said by someone who clearly is unable to process the hurt and pain they are potentially causing to another woman. I see that as breaking the girl code.

The first thought I would have if involved in this gross encounter would be of that woman excited to be getting married to him. And I would not want to be responsible in any way for her hurt...because I would be!

CripsSandwiches Fri 22-Feb-19 13:45:37

babydarling no they are not equally responsible that's ridiculous. He is the most responsible because he chose to enter a monogamous relationship where he wouldn't be able to randomly sleep with people, she did not. He has a responsibility to his soon to be wife. This other girl does not. I wouldn't sleep with someone in a relationship personally but if I was cheated on I'd be angry at my partner not some random who doesn't even know me. You can't rely on women refusing to sleep with taken guys - that's absurd - the guy himself has to be faithful.

newmun Fri 22-Feb-19 13:46:35

Definitely a skank!

pinkgloves Fri 22-Feb-19 13:46:51

That's grim.

CripsSandwiches Fri 22-Feb-19 13:48:49

Some of these comments and down right stupid suggesting that maybe this guy isn't so bad if he suddenly realised his fiance wasn't for him. Yet your friend is definitely an arsehole.

Even if the stag realised his fiance isn't for him he's still a dick and 100% at fault. If at this late stage you want to all off your wedding you don't cheat on the stag night you talk to your partner and let her down with as much dignity as possible

pinkgloves Fri 22-Feb-19 13:49:56

Of course the friends is in the wrong!! What kind of skanky cow sleeps with an attached man? You can't whine about it happening to you if you're prepared to do it yourself.

God some people have really low standards and no empathy or social responsibility. I'm glad not everyone is as selfish and uncaring as many people on this thread seem to be!

JacquesHammer Fri 22-Feb-19 13:53:58

I see that as breaking the girl code

I see “girl code” as a trite myth

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