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DD "babysitting" every night

(86 Posts)
HighlightsandHeels Fri 22-Feb-19 10:32:38

Due to going back to work DH can no longer collect DC (14 & 8) from school.

DC are in same school and rather than get a nanny DD1 wants to bring DD2 home after school every day.

I see her point that she feels to old for a nanny but had some concern that it's too much responsibility, especially given comments on another thread re inappropriate caring responsibilities. Is it unreasonable?

HalfBloodPrincess Fri 22-Feb-19 14:15:29

My dd is 15 and her and a friend look after an 8 and 10 year old in the next street in the half terms for £20 a day each. That’s from 8:30 til 4pm every day. She started just after her 14th birthday.
I don’t see how your scenario is much different!
As long as you trust dd1, she knows what to do in an emergency (fuse box and stopcock location, has phone numbers and a neighbour she can call on) then I don’t see the problem.

HighlightsandHeels Fri 22-Feb-19 16:42:04

Thanks everyone.

Comments re payment are noted. I don't think I'll pay her (it'd be £200 pcm and I'm a bit worried about her having access to too much cash) but think a monthly treat is appropriate.

Maybe I'll take her shopping or day out and let her know it's a treat for being responsible and reliable.

HighlightsandHeels Fri 22-Feb-19 16:42:52

Interesting the extremes of approaches though.

MitziK Fri 22-Feb-19 16:51:55

Stick it a bank account, then. She's working - it could go towards driving lessons, her first holiday as an adult, expenses at University, deposit on a flat, anything she needs or wants that's particularly expensive in the future - and if she already has the idea of saving/putting money aside in the earliest times of working, it makes it normal to be doing it when she is solely responsible for herself.

IncrediblySadToo Sun 24-Feb-19 13:33:05

Some people on here are unhealthily obsessed with money.

You’re doing right not to pay her.

She doesn’t need ‘treats’ for it either.

She WANTS to ‘bring DD2 home’ so there’s no after school care required, SHE doesn’t want a ‘nanny’ there. She’s lucky to be getting what she wants, THAT is her ‘reward’ You haven’t asked her to do it, you’re not making her do it.

They will BOTH be being responsible & reliable. I know you mean well, but ‘treating’ DD1 for ‘bringing DD2 home’ puts an unnecessary divide between them. They’re coming home together. Focus on the ‘together’ not the ‘babysitting’. The best thing you can do for your kids is enable a good relationship with their siblings, rather than one of minder/minded.

NuffSaidSam Sun 24-Feb-19 13:48:41

I think with the ad-hoc ASC it will be fine. Without that I'd say no because it's too much for DD1 to do it everyday, but if ASC can be used when necessary then absolutely fine.

Re. payment: Is DD2 well behaved and sensible? Will DD1 need to actually do anything like make her food/help with her homework? If she's working and looking after DD2 then she should be paid. If she's just going with her (which is what she wants) then she doesn't need to be paid. As pp said her reward is being able to go home with no nanny/after-school care required.

Waveysnail Sun 24-Feb-19 13:55:00

I'd pay for 8 yr old to go to afterschools until she's in the last year of primary.

TheStarOnTheChristmasTree Sun 24-Feb-19 15:48:03

I think it's fine and I've got the same age gap between DDs 2 & 3. DD2 has actually prefered DD3 to be with her most of the time rather than be home alone. My DC all get £100 a month allowance from starting secondary school. They pay for school lunches, their phone contracts, all non uniform clothes and shoes, all socialising, presents, etc. Keep a check of how much you're giving your teenagers over the course of a month and you might be shocked. I save money by giving them an allowance!

bananamonkey Sun 24-Feb-19 15:53:05

I did this from 12 but collecting them (2 siblings) from a different school till my mum got home at 5.30 and giving them (pre-made) dinner sometimes, I was super sensible and it stopped when they went to secondary and could walk themselves home. Was not paid although I got pocket money (£5 week 20-odd year’s ago, not sure what that’d be now!).

O4FS Sun 24-Feb-19 15:59:02

I don’t think you should pay here, but I do think you should show her how much you appreciate it from time to time - shopping trip, wad of cash, treat her and a friend to a trip out. That would be lovely for her.

Nat6999 Sun 24-Feb-19 16:19:48

I used to care for my 6 years younger brother after school & during school holidays from being 14. During term time it was only an hour or so after school, during the school holidays my mum would leave us in bed, go to work early & be home by 1.30ish. It never bothered me, my brother would very often go to a nearby friends house to play or bring his friends to play in the garden.

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