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Feel like IABU to not want to go abroad this year

(9 Posts)
bringmethehorizonx Fri 22-Feb-19 10:03:21

Last year, my DH, myself and our DS who is 2 went abroad to my DH home country. As bad as I am going to sound, as much as I loved meeting all of his family, I was extremely bored and found it very hard to entertain my 2 year old who was also bored. We was there for a month and it dragged really badly.

There was absolutely nothing to do and we did visit places but we all had to take an overnight journey on the train and it was horrible. My DS was very unsettled, upset, tired, he refused to eat and I was tired of trying to settle him when I was tired myself because that's all I was doing, trying to sort him out and entertain him in a country where there's sod all to do.

There's a language barrier as well. I was sitting there just doing nothing. I am someone who gets bored very easily and I have to do things and keep myself busy but I couldn't even do that. That's just me though!

My DH said he wants us all to go again this year for a month again, but I've had to break it to him and said sorry but DS and I will not be going. I'd rather wait until DS is older as well so that he can cope with it better. He is really upset and defensive and saying I don't like his family which is not true at all! I love his family, they're the most humble and kindest people but I really can't cope with it again

AIBU or should I just suck it up and go again?

mummmy2017 Fri 22-Feb-19 10:06:04

Stick to your guns.
Tell him this is your life as well as his
No that won't work for me.
Oh and Brexit,. Use that as well...

Apple103 Fri 22-Feb-19 10:06:49

Yanbu, that is an awful long time especially for your ds at that age. I cant imagine doing that for myself as well. It's not even a holiday. And with a language barrier I can imagine how difficult it was trying to fit in.
Yanbu to not want to go again. Why cant his family come visit?

Guineapiglet345 Fri 22-Feb-19 10:08:00

A whole month? That’s such a long time, can’t you just join him for a week?

bringmethehorizonx Fri 22-Feb-19 10:10:20

Too many people and not enough space here. It's an 10 hour flight as well so got that to deal with! Wouldn't have had enough time in a week as his family from different cities was visiting throughout the month. Not easy with a two year old either. It was quite frankly, the worse holiday I've been on in terms of just being stressed all the time! As I said, his family are wonderful and had no problem with them, it's just the overall experience of travelling, dealing with a two year old, etc. that did me in.

Cobblersandhogwash Fri 22-Feb-19 10:10:34

World is a big place. Can't you holiday elsewhere?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 22-Feb-19 10:20:35

Why cant he take DS for he month to be with his other family ?

JassyRadlett Fri 22-Feb-19 10:24:37

I’m the foreign person living in my partner’s home country. It’s my choice, and the right one for us as a family, but it’s hard. It never won’t be hard. And it’s harder since I have kids and I want to share them with my family and for them to know and love my side of the family.

I’m fortunate there’s no language barrier for my DH. I find it hard to get my head around the idea of a country where there is ‘sod all’ to do.

You and your DH seem to be taking quite an absolutist approach to this trip. It’s 4 weeks, in exactly the way it was done before, or it’s nothing. Where’s the listening and understanding and compromise?

There are a couple of issues in your post for me:

First, you describe having to entertain your DS. Was your husband also entertaining him, or was it just left to you?

Second, a month is a long time - we usually go for 3 weeks and it’s a 24 hour flight. For a 10 hour flight 2 weeks should be plenty to get over jet lag etc.

Third, you should look for compromise - how to make this trip less boring for you and your son and more child-centres. Have a week in somewhere child-friendly that you’ve rented, and people can come to you if they want to see you.

Fourth, from experience 18 months old was the absolute worst age for this sort of trip. Two and a half was a lot easier, and three and up a piece of piss.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 22-Feb-19 10:30:03

Did you Dh help at all in terms of settling/entertaining DS?

If he spent most of his time with his family, it may be that he didn't see how much work/effort/boredom there was for you. Maybe you need to explain this to him? And emphasise that it's NOT his family but the overall experience which is the problem?

A month is a looooooong time. Does it have to be a month? Could you handle 2 weeks as a compromise?

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