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to ask you who loves you?

(162 Posts)
Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 04:54:02

My dc 100% Well 99% I think.

My parents about 90% each

Nobody else lol.

Amanduh Fri 22-Feb-19 22:33:58

Ds, dh, mum, dad. Brother, SIL and his 2 children. 8 aunties, 7 uncles. 10 cousins. 3 grandparents. One very very close best friend and her dh and her dds. It may not seem that much but I feel lucky to be loved by 30 odd people. I love them all.

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 22:34:01

It's an interesting one alright and thanks to everyone who posted. I think friendships are really important but my mother never put much store on them so I suppose I never had many as a kid. In my twenties I was little Miss Popular. The life and soul.
It's really when the chips are down that you realise who actually gives a fuck. Fairweather friends I suppose. My siblings and old friends are all in different countries, so it does make things different.
I think if you've grown up, gone to Uni and essentially stayed in the same location, you probably have more of a friendship base than most. It's harder when you travel and your siblings/friends travel. It's funny, but when I really needed help, the one friend who did the most for me was living in New Zealand! I have a cousin (male) who travelled over here to assist. Spending his last £200 to help me on top of that.
I suppose the other side of it is that I don't ever really show a vulnerable side to me, so friends might not know when I'm going through shit.

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 22:36:24

And I think when you have the reputation of being bubbly, outgoing, vivacious etc., people don't know that there is a softer more vulnerable side to you. And I definitely don't like showing that side of me.

Travisandthemonkey Fri 22-Feb-19 22:43:19

What is love anyway.

aimees75 Fri 22-Feb-19 22:46:32

Dohee so sorry you are having a hard time. It can take a long time to make friends.
Can I just disagree with you on one thing? London is not an unfriendly place. Its depends on which part of London you live, I suspect. Where I live is incredibly friendly.

Seren85 Fri 22-Feb-19 22:48:34

DH
My parents
My inlaws
My sister
My niece
My Gran
One Auntie, although the other Aunties and Uncles and cousins would claim to cos it is what you say
Friends x 4

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 22:55:14

I'm not going through a hard time at the moment thankfully! But at the end of the day it was my family who pulled me through difficult times. Friends can make the right noises, but it doesn't translate into action in my experience.

WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo Fri 22-Feb-19 22:55:34

My Mum

The landlords cat has recently decided that I am tolerable.

That's about all, I think.

HanddivedRaspberries Fri 22-Feb-19 23:13:27

I think no one.

I've been pondering this recently. There's certainly no one I could call if I just wanted to chat. Possibly a few family members who would for no good reason feel guilty if I died.

I've been disabled and mostly housebound for years. Most of the time I'm not well enough to socialise, so can't put the necessary maintenance into old friendships, never mind make new ones.

In most weeks, I speak out loud to the cleaner (comes one hour a wk) and maybe one or two delivery people. That's it. Unless a scammer trying to lie to and cheat me gets through on the phone.

I know that as long as food and shelter are covered, I have nothing to complain about.

But it can be a little hard sometimes.

Sometimes it's a bit difficult to tell whether I actually exist, to be honest.

Ah well. C'est la vie.

HanddivedRaspberries Fri 22-Feb-19 23:17:42

And yes, the people I thought of as very best friends dumped me when I was "no fun any more" or "too much like hard work".

Can't disagree! I find myself hard work now, so what would be in it for them?

mokapot Fri 22-Feb-19 23:24:15

It’s a great question. Thank you for asking.

I have two wonderful young boys who I love the most in the world but I haven’t ever asked if they love me...how does a 10 and 7 year old know love? What is love to them may not be love to me?

“ mum you don’t love me because yoh make me go to school” vs “ I don’t think the boys love me because they never listen to me”

Love is unmeasurable and intangible IMHO.

So I can say I only love two people in the world truly, deeply..the two boys but I have no idea who or what “loves “ me as it’s so individual and so fluid

🤷🏽‍♀️

Blessthekids Fri 22-Feb-19 23:30:58

@Dohee I don't know what you went through but these are for you flowers

It is an interesting question you pose and I do think that some people have friends that are like family but they are one in million. I have never had to test my friends that way and long may that be the case.I am terrible at asking for help though. I wonder whether we really need our friends to love us as such, I think I love my friends but certainly not the same way I love my dc. And I do realise that because I have family, I am unable to give as much time to friends as I did when I was pre-kids and I think they know it too. I need from friends, emotional support and fun, something to keep loneliness and isolation at bay. Anything more is a bonus grin

Unicornfeathers Fri 22-Feb-19 23:32:07

Ohhh gosh

DDog loves me but hides if I cry

DS is autistic and though we have a connection / strong bond he’s not demonstrative

Relationship with my parents is complex. I have no contact with my mother.

Lots of friends but not love

It makes me feel sad and not cared for but I’m sort of used to it

lastqueenofscotland Fri 22-Feb-19 23:32:58

DP, My mum (my father is dead but I know he did), I think my sisters do in their own way.
A couple of my friends

BrizzleMint Fri 22-Feb-19 23:33:00

My children - I hope.

Blessthekids Fri 22-Feb-19 23:34:11

@HanddivedRaspberries flowers I admire your glass half full attitude. You exist flowers

givemesteel Fri 22-Feb-19 23:36:17

Similar response to everyone else - dc, dh, parents, sister, cats (ish).

I have great friends but I don't love them and don't expect them to love me. But I've maybe 3 or 4 who I think I could count on if the chips were down.

I am lucky to still have my parents but losing them one day scares the shit out of me. My sister is quite significantly disabled so whilst I know she loves me I will be the one looking after her.

I guess it's just one day it will just be dh as the adult I can count who loves me and I can rely on, but that is never 100% certain to always be the case.

Stormypaige Fri 22-Feb-19 23:36:57

Mum
Siblings

watsmyname Fri 22-Feb-19 23:39:26

Not very many I believe. My 2 dc and dh. Everyone can take me or leave me 🤷‍♀️

ssd Fri 22-Feb-19 23:39:44

Dh and the ds x 2
Hopefully my friends

Mum and dad did but they are both gone, hopefully they'll be loving me from heaven
Siblings who the hell knows I sure don't love them

U2HasTheEdge Fri 22-Feb-19 23:40:19

My mum
My sister and brother
One of my half sisters might love me
My husband
My 5 children
Two aunties
A couple of my mum's friends who have known me since I was little- I think
My dogs
As for friends- I would say 3 or 4. Not too sure about the 4th one now a days.

HanddivedRaspberries Fri 22-Feb-19 23:40:22

Ha! I'm so totally not a glass half full person. I know full well I'm a carping, ungrateful, misery guts.grin

But thank you. It helped to say it somewhere. And helps so much more that you replied.thanks

Life is what you make it, so I'd best get over my pityfest and get on and make ir.

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 23:52:06

Raspberries. I spoke on the phone for the first time in about 4 days yesterday only to realise I was hoarse! So I get you in that respect! Dc are away, so it's little old me rattling around the place. Haven't even the postman to talk to. Shop across the road, I never speak. They don't chat either. It's funny when you haven't actually opened your mouth for a while lol.

AbsentmindedWoman Fri 22-Feb-19 23:53:02

What does love mean, though?

I don't think there is a universal definition of love, so what one person describes as a good friendship with no love, but mutual care for the well being of the other, in addition to the fun side of friendship - that to me is a kind of love.

HanddivedRaspberries Fri 22-Feb-19 23:57:37

Yes yes, the creaky voice!

I chunter away to myself now, so it's not as bad as it was. Although the habit does make the rare occasions when I'm in company a bit perilous.shockgrin

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