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to ask you who loves you?

(162 Posts)
Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 04:54:02

My dc 100% Well 99% I think.

My parents about 90% each

Nobody else lol.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity Fri 22-Feb-19 15:24:20

DD, DM

No man ever really has, I don't think sad

Travisandthemonkey Fri 22-Feb-19 17:08:21

My mum because she has to. My sister. My dad in his own way. I think that’s it. Pretty sad really.
I did have someone who loved me once but it didn’t work out. And I don’t have children.

meorhim20 Fri 22-Feb-19 17:12:57

my DC love me dearly as do my parents. I also like to think that DCat loves me too but I may just be his major food source.

DH doesn't love me, I don't have siblings or friends so I suspect that is it.

YouWinAgain Fri 22-Feb-19 17:14:17

My DD

My mum

My brother (50/50 I think, sometimes we hate each other)

My granddad

My cat (although she's currently glaring at me and then at her food bowl so she might hate me right now)

FinallyHere Fri 22-Feb-19 21:24:17

DM, she always has and I am very grateful, but she is in her 92nd year and in need of our support now

DSis, because she was the first person other than DM, that i noticed loving me unselfishly. I am no longer #1 with her, but ai know that she would help if i needed. I am still in the process of showing her i am an adult and to be trusted to support

DH is older so more likely to need help, but would have my back and i <3 him just for fun

My polar bear cuddly toy. I luffs him in the darkest time of the night, but got a valentine card from him this year, so i think it must be luff (or DH, one or the other.. ).

Lots of friends, but blood is thicker than water.

DanielRicciardosSmile Fri 22-Feb-19 21:27:05

Kojak.

Probably definitely showing my age there... blush

Budsbegginingspringinsight Fri 22-Feb-19 21:28:13

DC and dh . Every one else dead

Mamabear12 Fri 22-Feb-19 21:38:03

Interesting question to ask. My mother, dd, ds, sister, dh, dog, (my father, but he has passed). I have extended family and friends that I know care about me.

Op I hope everything is okay with you and times are better. Hard times can really test us. I went through a very hard year and I’m still trying to get over it all. I am lucky there are a lot of people around me who are there for me. I think there are more people out there willing to help then you know. I’ve felt people care and be kind, who I barely know (I know them through a course I’m doing). I’ve also seen people help others and care and be kind. I hope you too are able to meet such people.

GirlOnIt Fri 22-Feb-19 21:39:59

DP
My mum
My grandparents (mums)
Grandparents (dads) I think do but not in the same way my mums do if that makes sense.
My dad would say he does but he doesn't love anyone but himself.
Three friends whom say they do and I do them. Others I think care but loves probably too strong.
My great aunt

DS is 4 months so he loves me because he knows no different. I guess that counts though and hopefully he'll still love me when he's older.

Lifecraft Fri 22-Feb-19 21:43:19

Kojak.

Damn, beaten to it!

All those people saying cats......not a chance. You can lavish love and affection on it for years, but if someone moves in down the street with better food, you won't see the fucker for dust.

Whatjusthappenedthere Fri 22-Feb-19 21:44:16

My dogs
My children
My Husband - he tells me all the time.
At least 2 of my 3 siblings
My parents loved me very much but both died. I still feel their love
My ex Husband wishes me dead. grin

StarEclipse Fri 22-Feb-19 21:50:37

In order -
DC
DH
DP
My siblings love me a bit, not nearly as much as above.

...
...
...
...
The rabbit plots my demise grin

DimplesToadfoot Fri 22-Feb-19 21:59:50

No one... Ever

I don't have a mum or dad so no other relatives. Live alone,, no bf and as the last one nearly killed me there will never be another.

As a kid I felt it, but now I don't think I give a monkies

C0untDucku1a Fri 22-Feb-19 22:03:34

My parents my children my husband my dog my grandma

Im not sure about my cats. One of them quite clearly sees all humans as an inconvenience. She also frequently appears to ‘accidentally’ trip my on the stairs.

LifeOfBriony Fri 22-Feb-19 22:03:41

DS, DD, 2 parents, DH (but not as much as he should or did), 2 brothers, young nephew, one friend. I used to have cats who did.

What makes me sad is that I don't think I am the most important person in anyone's life. DS might say I am (I can't think who might be the most important person to him). DD, parents and one brother are all happily partnered. Other brother and nephew would say each other. DH - dont know who he would choose, tbh. My 'best' friend has a different 'best' friend (and is happily married with 2 DCs).

I have very few friends, and I have colleagues who think a lot of me (and I do them) but that's not love.

RJnomore1 Fri 22-Feb-19 22:04:58

EVErybody loves me

Well everybody that matters does anyway.

RickOShay Fri 22-Feb-19 22:05:13

My dog, he knows the words I love you grin
dh
dc though question mark over teenage dd
my sister
my nephews
my two best friends

my mum is long dead, and my dad doesn’t really love anyone, same with my aunts.
I am close to a couple of my cousins, but I don’t know if they love me.
i fail the cats dailygrin but the important thing is I adore them obvs.

LifeOfBriony Fri 22-Feb-19 22:05:13

There's a lot of sadness on this thread. flowers to all who need them.

ethelfleda Fri 22-Feb-19 22:18:50

Doesn’t feel like anybody does to be honest! DDs (15 months) seems to only want me for boob and even slaps me when nursing and DH can’t seem to stand the sight of me - I’m currently sat on my own in my living room with wine while he has walked to the pub to have a pint on his own.
I don’t even love me!
Wine loves me though.

ethelfleda Fri 22-Feb-19 22:19:22

That should say DS not DDs!!

cookiemon666 Fri 22-Feb-19 22:27:18

My kids, the dogs, my amazing parents and the cats if its food time🤣🤣🤣🤣

Notcontent Fri 22-Feb-19 22:29:52

I have to confess that I also always think that everyone has loads of family and friends that love them. I only have my parents (who I know really care about me) and my dd. I know that feeling sorry for yourself is not an attractive trait but I can’t help it.

wheresthehope Fri 22-Feb-19 22:30:21

My dogs the most
My mum
My DP
1 of my cats (other hates me)
My horse :D I like to think he does as I love him
My Dad and Step mum
A couple of close friends and my brother and sisters prob care about me a lot but not sure we have that loving relationship
My Step dad

Maelstrop Fri 22-Feb-19 22:32:09

My DH. My dogs. My horse. My aunt and cousins. I don’t think my parents understand the concept.

Samcro Fri 22-Feb-19 22:33:37

DH, ds and dd
other family ....who knows

Amanduh Fri 22-Feb-19 22:33:58

Ds, dh, mum, dad. Brother, SIL and his 2 children. 8 aunties, 7 uncles. 10 cousins. 3 grandparents. One very very close best friend and her dh and her dds. It may not seem that much but I feel lucky to be loved by 30 odd people. I love them all.

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 22:34:01

It's an interesting one alright and thanks to everyone who posted. I think friendships are really important but my mother never put much store on them so I suppose I never had many as a kid. In my twenties I was little Miss Popular. The life and soul.
It's really when the chips are down that you realise who actually gives a fuck. Fairweather friends I suppose. My siblings and old friends are all in different countries, so it does make things different.
I think if you've grown up, gone to Uni and essentially stayed in the same location, you probably have more of a friendship base than most. It's harder when you travel and your siblings/friends travel. It's funny, but when I really needed help, the one friend who did the most for me was living in New Zealand! I have a cousin (male) who travelled over here to assist. Spending his last £200 to help me on top of that.
I suppose the other side of it is that I don't ever really show a vulnerable side to me, so friends might not know when I'm going through shit.

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 22:36:24

And I think when you have the reputation of being bubbly, outgoing, vivacious etc., people don't know that there is a softer more vulnerable side to you. And I definitely don't like showing that side of me.

Travisandthemonkey Fri 22-Feb-19 22:43:19

What is love anyway.

aimees75 Fri 22-Feb-19 22:46:32

Dohee so sorry you are having a hard time. It can take a long time to make friends.
Can I just disagree with you on one thing? London is not an unfriendly place. Its depends on which part of London you live, I suspect. Where I live is incredibly friendly.

Seren85 Fri 22-Feb-19 22:48:34

DH
My parents
My inlaws
My sister
My niece
My Gran
One Auntie, although the other Aunties and Uncles and cousins would claim to cos it is what you say
Friends x 4

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 22:55:14

I'm not going through a hard time at the moment thankfully! But at the end of the day it was my family who pulled me through difficult times. Friends can make the right noises, but it doesn't translate into action in my experience.

WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo Fri 22-Feb-19 22:55:34

My Mum

The landlords cat has recently decided that I am tolerable.

That's about all, I think.

HanddivedRaspberries Fri 22-Feb-19 23:13:27

I think no one.

I've been pondering this recently. There's certainly no one I could call if I just wanted to chat. Possibly a few family members who would for no good reason feel guilty if I died.

I've been disabled and mostly housebound for years. Most of the time I'm not well enough to socialise, so can't put the necessary maintenance into old friendships, never mind make new ones.

In most weeks, I speak out loud to the cleaner (comes one hour a wk) and maybe one or two delivery people. That's it. Unless a scammer trying to lie to and cheat me gets through on the phone.

I know that as long as food and shelter are covered, I have nothing to complain about.

But it can be a little hard sometimes.

Sometimes it's a bit difficult to tell whether I actually exist, to be honest.

Ah well. C'est la vie.

HanddivedRaspberries Fri 22-Feb-19 23:17:42

And yes, the people I thought of as very best friends dumped me when I was "no fun any more" or "too much like hard work".

Can't disagree! I find myself hard work now, so what would be in it for them?

mokapot Fri 22-Feb-19 23:24:15

It’s a great question. Thank you for asking.

I have two wonderful young boys who I love the most in the world but I haven’t ever asked if they love me...how does a 10 and 7 year old know love? What is love to them may not be love to me?

“ mum you don’t love me because yoh make me go to school” vs “ I don’t think the boys love me because they never listen to me”

Love is unmeasurable and intangible IMHO.

So I can say I only love two people in the world truly, deeply..the two boys but I have no idea who or what “loves “ me as it’s so individual and so fluid

🤷🏽‍♀️

Blessthekids Fri 22-Feb-19 23:30:58

@Dohee I don't know what you went through but these are for you flowers

It is an interesting question you pose and I do think that some people have friends that are like family but they are one in million. I have never had to test my friends that way and long may that be the case.I am terrible at asking for help though. I wonder whether we really need our friends to love us as such, I think I love my friends but certainly not the same way I love my dc. And I do realise that because I have family, I am unable to give as much time to friends as I did when I was pre-kids and I think they know it too. I need from friends, emotional support and fun, something to keep loneliness and isolation at bay. Anything more is a bonus grin

Unicornfeathers Fri 22-Feb-19 23:32:07

Ohhh gosh

DDog loves me but hides if I cry

DS is autistic and though we have a connection / strong bond he’s not demonstrative

Relationship with my parents is complex. I have no contact with my mother.

Lots of friends but not love

It makes me feel sad and not cared for but I’m sort of used to it

lastqueenofscotland Fri 22-Feb-19 23:32:58

DP, My mum (my father is dead but I know he did), I think my sisters do in their own way.
A couple of my friends

BrizzleMint Fri 22-Feb-19 23:33:00

My children - I hope.

Blessthekids Fri 22-Feb-19 23:34:11

@HanddivedRaspberries flowers I admire your glass half full attitude. You exist flowers

givemesteel Fri 22-Feb-19 23:36:17

Similar response to everyone else - dc, dh, parents, sister, cats (ish).

I have great friends but I don't love them and don't expect them to love me. But I've maybe 3 or 4 who I think I could count on if the chips were down.

I am lucky to still have my parents but losing them one day scares the shit out of me. My sister is quite significantly disabled so whilst I know she loves me I will be the one looking after her.

I guess it's just one day it will just be dh as the adult I can count who loves me and I can rely on, but that is never 100% certain to always be the case.

Stormypaige Fri 22-Feb-19 23:36:57

Mum
Siblings

watsmyname Fri 22-Feb-19 23:39:26

Not very many I believe. My 2 dc and dh. Everyone can take me or leave me 🤷‍♀️

ssd Fri 22-Feb-19 23:39:44

Dh and the ds x 2
Hopefully my friends

Mum and dad did but they are both gone, hopefully they'll be loving me from heaven
Siblings who the hell knows I sure don't love them

U2HasTheEdge Fri 22-Feb-19 23:40:19

My mum
My sister and brother
One of my half sisters might love me
My husband
My 5 children
Two aunties
A couple of my mum's friends who have known me since I was little- I think
My dogs
As for friends- I would say 3 or 4. Not too sure about the 4th one now a days.

HanddivedRaspberries Fri 22-Feb-19 23:40:22

Ha! I'm so totally not a glass half full person. I know full well I'm a carping, ungrateful, misery guts.grin

But thank you. It helped to say it somewhere. And helps so much more that you replied.thanks

Life is what you make it, so I'd best get over my pityfest and get on and make ir.

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 23:52:06

Raspberries. I spoke on the phone for the first time in about 4 days yesterday only to realise I was hoarse! So I get you in that respect! Dc are away, so it's little old me rattling around the place. Haven't even the postman to talk to. Shop across the road, I never speak. They don't chat either. It's funny when you haven't actually opened your mouth for a while lol.

AbsentmindedWoman Fri 22-Feb-19 23:53:02

What does love mean, though?

I don't think there is a universal definition of love, so what one person describes as a good friendship with no love, but mutual care for the well being of the other, in addition to the fun side of friendship - that to me is a kind of love.

HanddivedRaspberries Fri 22-Feb-19 23:57:37

Yes yes, the creaky voice!

I chunter away to myself now, so it's not as bad as it was. Although the habit does make the rare occasions when I'm in company a bit perilous.shockgrin

Didyeeaye Fri 22-Feb-19 23:59:11

My DS, cat, two best friends, two sisters, three nieces and two nephews definitely love me. I guess my mum does in her own way. I've also got a few other close friends and two aunties who I believe care deeply for me.

Dohee Sat 23-Feb-19 00:02:49

To me love is when you feel pained when someone you love is hurting. I guess acquaintances etc., I'd try to do the right thing if they were ill or something, but I wouldn't necessarily feel anything.

Raspberries, yes, chuntering away to myself sometimes too! It's strange when you find yourself alone and realise when you say something out loud, the 'self-talk' your brain engages in! I've realised in some of these exchanges with myself that I'm not very nice to myself! shock And to think that that is going on constantly in your brain is a bit awe inspiring.

Totorosfluffytummy Sat 23-Feb-19 00:07:20

My kids
My dog

((((HUGE GAP)))))

My parents
My younger brother

(((Big gap)))

My older brother

YouBumder Sat 23-Feb-19 00:09:59

My children, my husband, my parents and my sister. I hope!

SlipperOrchid Sat 23-Feb-19 00:13:48

My children.

Not DH.
Not my remaining parent.
Not my sibling (s).

And in return I dearly loved one sibling and we had a falling out years ago that we never discussed and are now non contact. I loved my father in a duty bound way but he shows no interest in me or my children. I care for DH but I don't love him the way I should Our personalities clash and I feel stressed around him. I love my children entirely.

mokapot Sat 23-Feb-19 02:14:14

Ask not who loves you but who can you love.
I guess the love is in loving and not expecting to being loved back....

Actually chocolate can love back

vodkaredbullgirl Sat 23-Feb-19 02:18:48

The dog, he is the only one who listens to me lol

Surfingtheweb Sat 23-Feb-19 02:39:34

My daughters, brother & sister in law 100%

ToeToToe Sat 23-Feb-19 02:53:57

Yes to pp "whatever love means..."

My dh demonstrates that he loves me all the time, my dc clearly love me and depend on me, my mum, my dad - one of the last things he told me before he died was that he loved me.

My sisters and my brother. I think I would count on about 3 friends to genuinely love me. I think a few of the in-laws probably like/love me. My Aunt loves me.

The dog is the most demonstrative of absolute, unconditional love for me - my dog adores me, lives for me, pines for me if I go in a different room from him. Crazy dog.

Blackcherrylatte Sat 23-Feb-19 07:07:47

No parents.
My uncle and auntie love me.
One cousin.
My kids.
One friend. My only friend!
Myself.

Namestheyareachangin Sat 23-Feb-19 07:41:58

I think for me my answer wouldn't answer your question, which seems to be more "who can you turn to and rely on?"

I have a few people who I believe love me as best as they're able, but I've been raised and trained to expect and ask nothing of people and to accept versions of love in which mutual support just doesn't exist.

My DSIS and DF are the key people I'm talking about. I know they love me, and they would both say I could ask them for anything, and in practical terms (mainly money, some logistics, but they'd prefer to contribute money to help pay for the logistics) I know I could. But real, emotional, I feel your pain and I'm here for you emotionally support - they just can't. They can't either give or receive that. They just don't know how. Classically I have ended up for a man very like my father - emotionally illiterate, very clever, very hardworking, will do anything practical for you to sort out problems but would rather be dragged over hot coals than talk about feelings, mine or his. It's not the worst thing a man can be I suppose (some of the lazy mean abusive arseholes I read about on MN have made me realise that) but for an empath and emotional incontinent like me it makes for a very lonely life.

My DM I know loved me in a powerful dramatic way. But I also know that she had an idea of the person I was in her mind (basically an idealised younger version of herself) and when I evolved and changed and stopped validating all her self-destructive, selfish behaviour she cut me out (until she realised she still needed access to my financial support). But for years, when I was who she wanted me to be, we had a very close, almost romantic love between us, she let me in and allowed me to support her, relied on me, and now she is dead and I don't have that with anybody else I feel bereft.

My DStepmum is different and I'm lucky to have her. She is emotionally articulate, practical, occasionally wise, and would do anything for anyone. She's not perfect, who is, but I love her for being "normal" and sensible and for loving me (in a warm, brisk, wholesome way) when she has no obligation to whatsoever. Until I wrote this down o don't think I realised how much I appreciate her.

I ought to love my D-half-B and I do, sort of, but... We barely know each other. He's 9 years younger than me and had a totally different family environment, we don't have any shared frame of reference and he's a young man busy with his own life. But there's a good base of good feeling on both sides that I hope one day when our lives are more aligned we will build into love. We always get on like a house on fire when we do meet. But I'd no more turn to him for help than I'd turn to an acquaintance at work.

But my true love, my utter passion, the love that made me review all my other loves and reluctantly downgrade them by comparison, The Real Thing is my DD. She is EVERYTHING to me and I'd die for her without question. No-one else in the world is as beautiful, funny, clever or worthy in my eyes. It's all biology I know but nonetheless. I didn't realise before becoming a parent that love could be so huge and straightforward. How she feels for me I think now is love (she's 2). If I can hold onto her love in some form of think I'll always be happy. But I want her to have a sibling, because this love of mine is too huge for one person and I never want her to feel smothered or obliged.

picklemepopcorn Sat 23-Feb-19 07:45:05

Dohee, at Midnight you said that you realised when you talk to yourself you are not very kind to yourself! Looking after you is really important. I learned after feeling that DH didn't really look after me that actually that was my job. I had to learn to be nice to myself, not rely on him to make me feel good.

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