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to ask you who loves you?

(162 Posts)
Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 04:54:02

My dc 100% Well 99% I think.

My parents about 90% each

Nobody else lol.

ValleyoftheHorses Fri 22-Feb-19 05:12:25

DS, DH, my parents. That’s it.

MrsTerryPratcett Fri 22-Feb-19 05:14:50

In order...

Dog

DD

DH

DF

DM

Various friends and family members.

No one past DH would rush into a burning building 'love me' grin

Aquamarine1029 Fri 22-Feb-19 05:15:47

My parents, my children, my husband. That's it and that's all I need.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 22-Feb-19 05:18:01

Odd question, Op . Are you ok ?

DramaFreeLife Fri 22-Feb-19 05:22:17

Most importantly the cat. 😂 But also OH, DS, DD, my inlaws and my best friend.

Parents are vile, not sure they are capable of love. It used to make me very sad, now I realise that the people that do love me and I also love are amazing and I'm very lucky.

If I feel unloved, I'll probably just get some more pets.

Decormad38 Fri 22-Feb-19 05:29:59

My DH (mostly) my dds, cat dog, at least 2 of my brothers. It’s debatable that the rabbits do.

Empathy56 Fri 22-Feb-19 05:35:09

My husband,my sister,nieces and nephews and my dog and cat.smile

Empathy56 Fri 22-Feb-19 05:37:55

Oh and my brother.😀

whataremyoption Fri 22-Feb-19 05:44:59

My DS, DM, DF, stepdad, 2 sisters, 2 brothers, a couple of my cousins, an Aunty and two or three friends. Maybe my DH but who knows. I'm quite lucky really

TrainSong Fri 22-Feb-19 06:07:46

DCs
DH
DSis
DBro
1 friend
1 of my aunties
My parents would loudly proclaim they do but it's not love as I understand it.
DCat might miss me a bit if I were gone. He's a deeply affectionate,loyal, dog-like creature.

OnlineAlienator Fri 22-Feb-19 06:29:01

DF, DM...exDH claims to. That's it i think?

OnlineAlienator Fri 22-Feb-19 06:29:30

DD, not DF, he's dead*

tattooq Fri 22-Feb-19 06:33:49

DD and my parents I guess. DP claims to but doesn't show it

justilou1 Fri 22-Feb-19 06:33:56

Dog - until DH comes home, then I am dumped. Traitorous beast.
Husband (despite erratic perimenopausal behaviour of late.)
Kids
No one from birth family - feeling’s mutual
My cousin who grew up similarly
Several friends
I’m luckier than most because I can actually say this confidently and without question.

WFTisgoingoninmyhead Fri 22-Feb-19 06:36:24

Me
My DH
My DC
Their Partners (well my sil not sure about dil)!!
My dog
And I think our postman at work is extremely keen, it could be love on his part I am not 100% sure!!

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 06:38:05

I asked because everyone on MN appears to have a legion of friends and family that they suggest posters should turn to. I'm just wondering whether I'm unique in my loneliness!

why100000 Fri 22-Feb-19 06:38:34

My kids, but actually not sure sometimes as all 3 are teenagers and sometimes their rudeness is all encompassing. When they were smaller they would say they loved me, now, if asked, they would probably say they don’t.

My Dad and my sister.

My Aunt.

I think that’s it.

The cat - but she loves anyone who is kind to her for long enough.

why100000 Fri 22-Feb-19 06:40:07

Why do you feel lonely dohee?

NewAndImprovedNorks Fri 22-Feb-19 06:40:41

Oh Dohee, that is so sad.
Tell us how we can help you

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 06:42:01

I also think that if you've never actually really needed a friend you don't know whether they are or not.
I had 4 close friends until I fell on hard times. I now have none.

3in4years Fri 22-Feb-19 06:42:17

Mum, Dad, sisters
Dh, kids
Aunt and uncle
Two friends who live abroad

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 06:44:17

Lol, I'm good now. I know more now, but I was just wondering whether I was the only one. Not many people would have gone through what I have, so I guess their friendships have never been put to the test. If you asked me 5 years ago? EVERYBODY loved me. Lol

TearingUpMyHeart Fri 22-Feb-19 06:45:24

My dog

My kids

My siblings

My ex probably cares for me. My friends care for me. That's not the same as love, exactly.

My dog loves me the most

Monty27 Fri 22-Feb-19 06:52:02

Two DC's - young adults
Two cats because I feed them
3 DBs
A handful of friends and a few cousins plus a few nieces and nephews. Not bad in the great scheme of things.
It's more about those that dislike me that I keep my eye on.
a couple of sisters and a couple of others in my social group
grin

Happygolucky009 Fri 22-Feb-19 06:53:04

Dohee you are right, you don't know who your friends are until they are needed! I too have lost friends when hitting hard times, but I found opening up and looking for new friends helped. I will never forget how sad I felt reaching out to practically strangers for help, some amazing people reached out and got me back on my feet. Be brave, do something out of the ordinary to find a friend and try not to worry about what happens when you meet stormy waters ahead. Good luck x

Happygolucky009 Fri 22-Feb-19 06:54:29

Dohee , glad you are ok now....

riotlady Fri 22-Feb-19 07:06:04

My daughter, partner, sister, grandparents (especially my Granny, we’re very close) and best friends.

My mum does love me but that doesn’t always translate in to treating me well iyswim

Zoflorabore Fri 22-Feb-19 07:08:46

My 2 dc, my dp, my parents, dgm, best friend.

PinkSmitterton Fri 22-Feb-19 07:11:56

DP, very much. He tells me several times a day (sorry, nauseating I know!)

DM with all her heart but she died a few years ago. I miss her terribly.

DF as best as he knows how

In a less "pressing" way Dsis and DBs

Maybe one or two close friends, I know they are there for me in any case.

I should definitely get a pet!

MamaBear2181 Fri 22-Feb-19 07:13:15

My OH, my 4 DCs, 4 cats, DM, DF, DStepmother, PIL and my best friends.

As a PP mentioned it is an odd question, are you feeling ok OP?

0ccamsRazor Fri 22-Feb-19 07:23:17

My dc, dh, dsis1, dsis2, dm, df, dn, extended family, friends. Feel very lucky to share love with them all, we are a very close family and hold our friendships in the same vein.

0ccamsRazor Fri 22-Feb-19 07:24:11

Ps are you ok op?

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 07:24:21

I'm perfectly fine. It's because I've read a few threads today where the OP is told to talk to her friends etc. And I realised I actually don't have any. Well I do. I have loads of friends. Just not ones who could come pick me up in an emergency (because they're on the other side of the continent lol). 'Hey honey, I know you're in Auckland, but I need someone to hang out with tonight in London. Is that ok?'

MistressDeeCee Fri 22-Feb-19 07:24:25

DCs
DP
Parents
Brother
2 best friends

I don't have legions of friends and family...

Isth Fri 22-Feb-19 07:27:39

Mm. People who actually love me; My fiancé, my dog, my mum, my four siblings and one of my sibling-in-laws, my niece and nephew, my grandmother, my godmother, a couple of uncles and four of my closest friends. All people I know (and have proved) I can rely on through thick and thin.
Oh and apparently two men from work and probably my abusive father I haven’t seen for eleven years would say he does too.

BendydickCuminsnatch Fri 22-Feb-19 07:29:49

My sons, husband and parents in that order. My sister says she does and she probably does but we’re not close so it seems a bit contrived. I’m a bit relieved people aren’t saying nieces and nephews much as while I certainly care for their wellbeing and think they’re fine people, I think LOVE would be overstating it. PIL certainly don’t love me although FIL would argue he does but is absolutely lying 😄

MiniTheMinx Fri 22-Feb-19 07:30:11

DH
Dc X 2
DF although he is demented so is due to forget
Two best friends.....I think

I don't have any siblings, both sides of my family are all older than me and i only see them at weddings and funerals.

I think modern life doesn't facilitate friendships and support networks or contact with extended family. There is just no time.

MancaroniCheese Fri 22-Feb-19 07:32:57

Kids, cats, OH, parents, sister and BIL and their kids and my best friend from school.

Several friends who care for me but not in a profound love way.

flowers to all feeling alone.

CielBleuEtNuages Fri 22-Feb-19 07:33:38

I was thinking about this recently. Id say my DC, DH and parents. Thats all. But they do love me very much.

No real friends.

Vitalogy Fri 22-Feb-19 07:34:22

Apart from our parents and children where the love is usually unconditional. We have to truly love ourselves before (in most cases) we can receive that love from others in return.

Vitalogy Fri 22-Feb-19 07:35:49

*our children

DustyMaiden Fri 22-Feb-19 07:40:36

I have not a single friend.
Family, many who adore me
DD X2 DS DF DGD X3 DGS DSIS DB x2 DN X3 and many more

junebirthdaygirl Fri 22-Feb-19 07:44:49

My dps are dead now so:
Dh 3dc and all my siblings of whom there are many. We have that hugely supportive relationship between us although we all lead very independent lives. I have a few friends of long standing who love me and friends of more recent years who like me a lot but not the same.
To why100000 wondering if teens love her l believe if the rubber hits the road you would see that, behind all the drama they do. At least, l found as mine have left the teens l have experienced great love from mine even though, obviously, they mostly go on wiith their own lives.
They have surprised me at times.

tinyvulture Fri 22-Feb-19 07:45:47

I have thought about this a lot recently and I do think the only unconditional love tends to be (isn’t always) from parents to their children. On this basis I assume that my parents love me, though they don’t always show it brilliantly (quite controlling). But in the end they tend to come through.

Other than that, my daughter loves me; my boyfriend loves me in some sense I am sure, though it’s a relatively new relationship, but we were best friends for eons, so....; my brother, though he is not very emotional really; one of my cousins definitely; my ex would possibly claim to, but fuck knows. Re friends, I do tend to be quite intense and romantic about my friendships. There are I think four friends at the moment who I would actually claim to love. And I hope/think they love me. But experience tells me this changes over time too, and I probably won’t be closest to these four forever...... And ALL of these, other than my parents, are conditional, so I guess it is all love I could lose if I fucked up somehow.....

AJPTaylor Fri 22-Feb-19 07:47:10

Mum
Dh
3 daughters
Sister
Oldest friends x 2
That's enough for me!

vampirethriller Fri 22-Feb-19 07:51:24

The dog, two sisters, three brothers, parents from a distance, five good friends. I don't live near any of them but I could go to my friends in a crisis.
The dog is no use in a crisis, she hides behind me if she sees a big cat.

UnderHerEye Fri 22-Feb-19 07:55:06

In order:

My DC (DS&DD) & My DH
My DM&DF

That’s it!

I get on well with my in laws and I have a fairly wide range of people I know and am friendly with (result of being a military wife and moving round a lot!) And now I’m also friendly with school-run mums and work colleagues but in terms of people I could rely on if I needed help there is only 1, and that’s DH.

Morgan12 Fri 22-Feb-19 07:56:09

DH, DS and DD. My mum. A few aunties uncles grandparents and cousins. A handful of friends.

CripsSandwiches Fri 22-Feb-19 07:58:01

My DD
My DH (at least most of the time)
My mum does in theory but not really in person
I think my dbro but he doesn't like me
My cat I think but as long as she has someone I don't think she'd mind if she never saw me again.

Newadventure Fri 22-Feb-19 08:01:43

Dd (for now..)
My Dad.
My little sister.
And I've only got 1 friend who I think actually loves me . (I only have about 4 friends in total though..)

HeckinHell Fri 22-Feb-19 08:05:14

My cats
My partner
My kids.

I probably wouldn’t have listed anyone else...but I went through a hard time recently and was overwhelmed with visits, messages, cards and offers of support from friends. You may have more people who love you than you realise!

31133004Taff Fri 22-Feb-19 08:05:23

What about .... who do you love unconditionally?

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 08:10:39

Easy answer Taff. DC and Dparents only.
May be why nobody loves me lol!

EnglishRose13 Fri 22-Feb-19 08:13:45

I understand what you mean.

I suggested a fairly new friend speaks to her sister re relationship troubles and she said they don't have that relationship. I felt awful! I'm close to both of my siblings (brothers) so I have no understanding of what it's like to not be.

For me, it's really hard to imagine that people have no one to turn to for support. I make sure the people closest to me know they can turn up at my house whenever they need to.

blackteasplease Fri 22-Feb-19 08:16:13

My kids, my parents, definitely one of my aunties! The rest of the family would.say they do, and i would say the same of them, but in a much more "remote" way.

Maybe one or two of my friends.

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 08:16:59

I'm a good friend, but friends over the years have needed different things from me that I could not give them. E.g. One friend getting married abroad. I just didn't have the money to go to her wedding.
If it was my dd, I'd have travelled the world two times over to be there.
Maybe I'm a crap friend. My friends are scattered around the world now and I've made none here in London. London isn't a friendly place and being sort of middle aged doesn't lend itself to making friends. I should maybe take up knitting or something. Crochet? Flower arranging?

Sun5hinE Fri 22-Feb-19 08:20:14

OP note that it's not quantity that's important it's quality!! Love is just a word until two people give it meaning. My love for others sometimes overwhelmed me and I'm just grateful for the opportunity to love. 🥰

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 08:24:59

I love my siblings, but it's not that fierce primordial love if you get me?

I'm single now but even when in a relationship and very much in love, that love was nothing compared to how I feel for my dc. That is a whole other ball game. It's the kind of love that would make you take a bullet, walk over hot coal, go to jail for them, destroy yourself, just to keep them alive.

Maybe I have a high threshold for what I consider love to be.

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 08:29:10

And when the chips were down, none of my friends stepped up.

Limensoda Fri 22-Feb-19 08:29:36

My DP, My two DC, My grandchildren, My siblings and then just friends who like me

Dohee Fri 22-Feb-19 08:31:32

I just wonder whether I'm missing out on something that everyone else takes for granted. Maybe they've never needed to put the friendship to the test. But from my experience, friends like you, but they don't love you.

Toupholsterornot Fri 22-Feb-19 08:31:57

I'm not sure any one does... think I'm just a convenience. Fell down the stairs the other day. At 28 weeks pregnant. 3 dc said oh she just fell down the stairs again. blush second Time I have done it. Dh said can you feel baby move I said yes. He said ah you will be ok then.... no one asked or checked if I was ok or helped. That's when it dawned on me... I'm just a house slave! Dm nc. Df died. Dnan lives too far away. And she wasn't bothered when I told her. I fell from the top too.... nice to feel loved I bet.

MaryShelley1818 Fri 22-Feb-19 08:31:58

My son
My husband
My parents
My sister
My niece and nephews
My ex husband (still very close friends)
Certainly 6-7 close friends

gamerwidow Fri 22-Feb-19 08:36:45

Do you want better friends? You sound unhappy but if you’re not and you are fine as you are but curious that’s ok too.
Have you tried getting closer to your existing acquaintances? Maybe if you suggested meeting up more they’d be happy to do it. I know myself that I can be lazy and in a bit of a bubble but if an acquaintance asks me round for a coffee or a drink I’ll make the effort to go. I’ll also always help anyone in need of any of the school mums for example needed something I would help them even if we don’t hang out together.

gamerwidow Fri 22-Feb-19 08:38:36

To answer you question outside of my direct family and in laws then I have 2 very good friends who I’ve known for 25 years who would come in the middle of the night if I needed anything. They’re closer to me than my own sister is (we have a bit of a troubled relationship).

thecatsabsentcojones Fri 22-Feb-19 08:40:57

If you feel unloved get a dog, I have two who don't just love me, they absolutely worship me. You don't tend to get that unguarded worship from a human being!

Other than the dogs, my husband, my kids, my parents and my sister love me I guess. Fairly normal. Oh and eight chickens.

Gooseygoosey12345 Fri 22-Feb-19 08:57:44

My kids, my husband, my parents, my sister, my best friend, my aunt. I feel very loved, it's quite lovely.

JaceLancs Fri 22-Feb-19 09:01:11

DS, DD, DP, DF, DM, DB
Reuben (cat)
Hope my friends like me a lot!

TheMaddHugger Fri 22-Feb-19 09:04:23

youtu.be/s8MNLUpJDZk

TheMaddHugger Fri 22-Feb-19 09:05:18

(((((((Hugs))))) OP and everyone

FrozenMargarita17 Fri 22-Feb-19 09:05:46

Dd, dh, dog, my mum

hipposarerad Fri 22-Feb-19 09:08:18

OK brace yourselves for some self-pity.

I know DS1 does, hard to tell with DS2. DP probably does out of habit/convenience/wouldn't want to go back to live with his dad in his late 40s).

My sister will say "love ya" if we 'bump into' each other on Facebook but I think that's just out of habit. I recently did a hideously indulgent post about DS2's challenging behaviour ramping up and him starting to self harm and all I got was a "Aw hugs"

That's the lot. Before my parents died I would have 2 more people on the list, but I'll look forward to not receiving any birthday cards tomorrow.

sob

FudgeBrownie2019 Fri 22-Feb-19 09:10:01

Aside from the ones who have to (parents, DC, DH) the cats, the dogs and a few friends definitely love me. Not masses, just enough to fill my bucket.

In terms of quantity our puppy loves me more than anyone else on earth; he cried when he saw me walking the bin down the drive this morning, thats how much he loves my company!

Sometimes children at school sometimes bring me pictures with "I love you" written on them and although it's a different thing, I always keep them on the wall behind my class desk because it's such a wonderful statement for someone so young to make.

hipposarerad Fri 22-Feb-19 09:14:27

I forgot the dog and cat. It's cupboard love, but at least it's constant.

MaudesMum Fri 22-Feb-19 09:19:49

No parents left alive, no children, no partner.
One aunt who I think did love me but is now retreating into extreme old age and dementia.
One sister to whom I'm very close (although her partner is obviously and rightly her priority). One brother who hasn't responded to any contact in a year.
Some good friends, but only one of them who constantly has my back (and me hers)
So, one sister, one friend and two cats. God, that's a bit bleak.

CoolJule43 Fri 22-Feb-19 09:28:09

OnlineAlienator

My dad is dead too but he still loves me.

LittleRen Fri 22-Feb-19 09:32:31

My three boys.
My husband.
My parents.
My parents in law.
Not sure about my sister hmm
Two of my friends.

Thingsdogetbetter Fri 22-Feb-19 09:43:07

Dh 100%. Took him a long time, but once he committed he went all in.

Parents 100% but not me as a separate person, but as their daughter. Not sure they'd even like me if I wasn't fruit of their loins. Sister, not sure about. Think it's 'duty' love, but I can depend on her 100%.

Good friends love me in various ways to the best of their abilities.

Cat hates me (No idea why as I treat him like a king lol).

Me 100%. Taken 50 years, but i actually do love and accept myself now.

Raspberry88 Fri 22-Feb-19 09:45:44

I haven't got any friends either...from my experience that's not too unusual. I don't mind either, I'd rather have colleagues and acquaintances...I find it easier to have casual friendships outside of family. I did have one really close friend who I would have said I loved but we rarely saw each other as she moves around a lot. When I had DS she barely sent me an email and still hasn't seen him after 16 months so I think that friendship has probably run its course!
So...I know that DS loves me, DH, parents and I think ILs. I have 3 siblings but only think that one really loves me and she's the only one I really love too.

VietnameseCrispyFish Fri 22-Feb-19 09:45:49

Me.

My father, and stepmother.

I still feel the love from my mother even though she’s dead.

My partner.

My close friends (I’d say there are about... 10, maybe 15, I would say genuinely love me and I love in return). But also a fair number of friends who care about me and would be there for me even if we’ve not been close enough for long enough for it to deepen into love.

I don’t know what I’d do without the love of my friends, as I barely have a family left.

LeukaeLucky Fri 22-Feb-19 09:46:00

@Toupholsterornot I hope you are okay flowers

Dowser Fri 22-Feb-19 09:52:38

Husband, children, partners, grandchildren, cousin, friends

8FencingWire Fri 22-Feb-19 09:55:40

I had this question asked of me in counselling, OP. Who loves, as in truly loves you?
It’s a really good question.
I said my DD, then added: for now. Because somehow I managed to believe that all/most mother daughter relationship are fraught. So that’s something I’m working on: how do I ensure I don’t alienate my DD? What kind of relationship do I build with her?

My DB loves me unconditionally. We have a really really close relationship, always had. He loves my DD above anybody else in this world.

My group of girlfriends love me. We’ve all been through good and bad times and we stuck together.

But that doesn’t help you, OP, does it?

We all crave to be loved and supported just as we are. Past experiences have shaped us and we’ve learnt that love has so many nuances and depths.
What we need is an anchor in a safe port. Some were born with it, some built their own, some were thrown down the river in a basket.
Where is our anchor?
For now I choose it to be my home. It’s where I go to feel save and loved and to look after myself and others.
HTH

Nesssie Fri 22-Feb-19 09:58:02

Dog
Sister
Parents
Grandparents
Uncle
Possibly 2 close friends

Nesssie Fri 22-Feb-19 09:59:25

8FencingWire I am extremely close to my mum, talk to her on the phone everyday. She isn't perfect of course but she is always on my side, even if she doesnt really agree! She is strict but fair and loving.

SoleBizzz Fri 22-Feb-19 10:00:18

DS and my cat.

OldNo7 Fri 22-Feb-19 10:01:40

My kids.
My ex (complicated)
My mum
My dad
My sisters
My other ex (friends now)

That's about it. But it's more than sufficient. smile

Cath2907 Fri 22-Feb-19 10:04:40

My dog. He REALLY loves me!
My DD
My parents
My sister
My niece and nephew.

I guess that is it. I do live in the same street as my sister and parents though so it feels like a LOT of love most of the time!

8FencingWire Fri 22-Feb-19 10:10:52

nessie, that’s lovely to hear smile I don’t envisage DD calling me every day, but I hope she’ll always know I’ll always be on her side smile

SagelyNodding Fri 22-Feb-19 10:15:58

Hmmm... Interesting question.
My kids definitely 100%
DH (99% sure)
My parents? They have a strange way of showing it.
I honestly believe I have 3 female friends who do love me, and that's about it!

Bobbobbo Fri 22-Feb-19 10:35:42

Quite possibly no one. Parents definitely did but they are dead now. No other close family. Have a couple of friends who I’m sure care about me but I wouldn’t say they loved me.

Toupholsterornot Fri 22-Feb-19 11:00:58

Thank you leukae. I am ok. Just fed up. 31 weeks pregnant now and also looking after my sils kids for a week. She has 3 I have 3. And not one person says thanks. Just constant demands. Been up comforting her youngest all night because she didn't call and a dh who works full time 7 days a week. I need a holiday!

JasperKarat Fri 22-Feb-19 11:12:58

DH, DS, DPs, DB, SIL, DNs, GPs aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, even PILs. Lots of people, and all of them would be and have been there when I need support. Some people don't have close families but you can build a circle of close friends (if that's what you want)

LeukaeLucky Fri 22-Feb-19 12:05:40

@Toupholsterornot you do. You are doing awesomely coping with all of that plus pregnancy. Be kind to yourself

Toupholsterornot Fri 22-Feb-19 12:25:05

Thanks leukae. flowers

Ginny008 Fri 22-Feb-19 13:18:14

My mother - I'm closer to her now she's a widow and older.

Sometimes me - when I'm not feeling depressed or unhappy.

Not my siblings who rarely contact me and generally when they want something it feels...

Vitalogy Fri 22-Feb-19 15:01:54

Maybe I have a high threshold for what I consider love to be. That's not a bad thing OP. It's the ultimate truth.

pushingdaisies Fri 22-Feb-19 15:07:27

DH, our two cats, my parents and my nephew. Probably in that order.
Definitely none of my siblings lol who are all generally awful human beings though so I'm not really fussed

meow1989 Fri 22-Feb-19 15:18:32

My DS (As much as an 8 month old can, I certainly get more kisses than everyone else 😊)
My DH
My parents
My sister
My aunt
My best friend and I say we love each other.

In addition I know my in laws or brother in law (and probably hos family) would be there if I needed them, as well as a wider circle of friends, if not in person then by phone

Writing that out makes me feel very lucky actually, I tend to have a few very good friends rather than acquaintances.

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