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To think db has been scammed by his ex

(362 Posts)
lurchersrool Thu 21-Feb-19 21:31:16

Db is going through a divorce. There are two children involved who he sees regularly and the divorce was triggered by his infidelity - though he's single now and insists the marriage was in trouble for years before he cheated which was certainly how it looked from the outside tbf.

Anyway, the point is there was fault on both sides but I feel he has been royally shafted by the way the finances have been dealt with. He and I were both given £80k by df in order to buy property. That was about 12 years ago, just before the crash. Db and exsil had just got together but they bought the property together, despite df raising some concerns about it. I don't know all the ins and outs but they had a fair bit of work done on the property which involved re-mortgaging and a couple of years ago moved to a bigger house.

Apparently the situation now is that the amount of equity is so little that there is no point in selling and they have no other assets so db can't get his £80k, or even half of it back. Ex sil has said the most the bank can lend her is £20k, and even that she's saying will partly need to cover her legal costs, so he's going to end up with a pittance. I think it's a joke. She has a well-paid job while db has no real career as such. He has back problems from an injury he got years ago and has always struggled to hold down permanent jobs. He looked after one of the dc for a year as a baby so ex sil could go back to work, but now he's being left with nothing, well nothing aside from a share of her pension but he obviously won't get that for years so nothing really tangible.

It just seems so wrong. He refused to get a solicitor although I had offered to help pay, and I know df is beside himself worrying about db's future. He thought the £80k would at least see him in secure housing but now it seems to have gone and db is back to shitty bedsits. To make it worse she is now asking for maintenance which I think is just spiteful. Normally I always think men should pay for their kids but this woman has a well-paid job and db literally has nothing. AIBU to think she shouldn't be putting in this claim and db has been treated really badly here?

fillmyglassplease Thu 21-Feb-19 21:36:49

He should have thought about this before shagging around.

showerpower Thu 21-Feb-19 21:37:43

He cheated

LaurieFairyCake Thu 21-Feb-19 21:39:33

The cheating is irrelevant legally

He's been supported by her for how long? Guessing she's earned and put in more than that 80k hmm over all these years while he didn't work?

Traveler001 Thu 21-Feb-19 21:40:18

No matter who is paid more or if the divorce is ‘fair’ or anything else the NRP should always pay the RP maintenance for the children.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 21-Feb-19 21:40:48

This is a reverse right?

flamingofridays Thu 21-Feb-19 21:40:53

What was he expecting?

SofaSurfer20 Thu 21-Feb-19 21:40:59

So your brother bought a house with someone he'd just started dating. Then a few years later got caught sticking his dick in another woman and now is complaining about how he'll get pittance?

Not smartest cookie in the jar is he?

Crystalintheeyes Thu 21-Feb-19 21:41:04

So they have decided to remortgage enough times that there is now no equity. Which was a joint decision I guess.
He shagged around..
And now he’s moaning as he has to pay for his children?

Skincaresos Thu 21-Feb-19 21:41:10

Meh. He cheated and doesn't work. Who do the DC live with?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Thu 21-Feb-19 21:43:03

How has he been 'scammed' ?

The mortgage was increased, thus freeing up equity - his £80k - to do works on the house. So if the equity is so little, he sits tight, and waits for it to increase again, and sells when the kids are 18.

To make it worse she is now asking for maintenance which I think is just spiteful

You are of course having a laugh if you think he should pay towards his offsprings up bringing ?

LuckyLou7 Thu 21-Feb-19 21:43:14

No sympathy here, I'm afraid. You say DB has rarely worked, and then cheated on her. Karma has been kind, I'd say.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Thu 21-Feb-19 21:44:04

*should not pay
typo

Stompythedinosaur Thu 21-Feb-19 21:44:45

If the house has devalued to a point they have no equity, then that is not his partners fault.

Of course he has to pay maintainance, he can't opt out of his responsibilities as a father!

19lottie82 Thu 21-Feb-19 21:45:14

Even if he did get a solicitor I doubt a court would force a sale until the eldest child was at least 18.

lurchersrool Thu 21-Feb-19 21:45:42

Right, so because he cheated that means he has no rights?

Where have I said she supported him? she earned more but I'd say he did more childcare than her, as I've said there was a good year when he did it all.

Just doesn't seem right that he gets given 80k then ends up with nothing.

The dc live with her and will always have to now as he can't afford to house them properly hmm.

Snappedandfarted2019 Thu 21-Feb-19 21:46:52

biscuit you and you’re dh are pieces of work

Snappedandfarted2019 Thu 21-Feb-19 21:47:43

He didn’t work and looked after one dc for a year get a grip.

mineofuselessinformation Thu 21-Feb-19 21:47:51

I'm not sure what the axe you have to grind here, OP.
If your dbro won't get legal advice, even minimally, that's his choice.

CloserIAm2Fine Thu 21-Feb-19 21:48:11

Why is he incapable of holding down a job?

He’s not been scammed, that’s ridiculous. He’s living with his choices.

Stompythedinosaur Thu 21-Feb-19 21:48:34

But his ex hasn't taken his 80k, it has been lost by house price changes and them re-mortgaging! Yes, it is crap, but it isn't a scam.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Thu 21-Feb-19 21:48:59

Just doesn't seem right that he gets given 80k then ends up with nothing.

He spunked his 80K on house improvements and remortgaging.

Although I'd like to know how he spent it, with absolutely no increased value on the house.

Has the house been revalued ?

Someone is telling porkies - or having fast cars and expensive holidays or a drug habit

LuckyLou7 Thu 21-Feb-19 21:49:37

He looked after the DC for one single year? What a hero. He still has to pay maintenance for them.

showerpower Thu 21-Feb-19 21:50:48

He spent the 80k on the house, spending more than it was worth by the sounds of things, she's been the main earner supporting the family, he's being expected to help support his own children, he'll still get part of her pension (does he have his own that she's entitled to ??). He also cheated. What's not fair ??

Intohellbutstayingstrong Thu 21-Feb-19 21:53:08

Is his ex going through the CSA? Is he earning anything at all? I would imagine any maintenance payments would be minimal if he has a very limited income

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