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PIL favour BIL big time

(8 Posts)
hormonalcow Thu 21-Feb-19 20:38:41

NC and posting to get perspective.
(See current username - I am aware it may be the hormones!)

DH and I expecting first baby, very excited!
Married 2 years, been together a decade, very stable relationship.

BIL split up with ex-fiancé, moved home with PIL, went to AA due to heavy drinking. PIL hate ex-fiancé w a passion (long story)

Found out BIL had a "night of weakness", now baby due on same day as ours. Has since moved back in w the witch.

Worried as PIL are already favouring the other child above ours, money-wise, as in stuff is being bought for only one grandchild so far. BIL and fiancé actually take home more money than us pm - they just aren't very good with money! Always being bailed out by PIL, which has irked me for ten years.

AIBU to feel put out by this? Should I say something? Feel bad for DH rather than gold digging! I know I am not "entitled to anything" per se, so please don't think I am a gold digger.

Also I am distraught that I am being compared to someone I hate during my first pregnancy, I just want it to be all about me (I blame the hormones for this in particular as normally I am very level headed and unselfish)

Disclaimer: I will love this niece/nephew as much as my other nieces and nephews when it's born. I just resent that our family will be forever attached to the horrible ex-fiance. She truly is vile, the things she has done are outing so I will not mention them.

Just want support/a whinge/criticism if necessary. Thanks!

Floralhousecoat Thu 21-Feb-19 21:16:42

Bump for you op.
Sounds like bil is the golden child. Yanbu to feel hurt. It must be painful for your dh. I wish parents wouldn't do this. It's so damaging. Not just towards the child who feels sidelined, but also creates rifts between siblings which often never heal.
Please focus on you, dh and the new life you are bringing into the world. Pil and bil are really not worth your headspace.

hormonalcow Thu 21-Feb-19 21:39:08

Thanks @Floralhousecoat

My parents did the same to me as well as a kid, I've gone NC with them now. Just taught me what not to do, I guess!

I'm glad you understand that it's not me being selfish, but upset that I have to watch DH suffer through this (and soon DC, probably!)

bibbitybobbityyhat Thu 21-Feb-19 21:42:53

Not sure what you want? Surely you're not envious of bil?

Don't make assessments on who is the most favoured grandchild until they are actually born. The rest is just cots and stuff.

hormonalcow Thu 21-Feb-19 21:49:17

@bibbitybobbityyhat I thought I'd explained what I wanted quite clearly, sorry. What part of my post do you not understand? I'll try and make it clearer.

Not envious of BIL, upset and angry for DH as this does really upset him at times and it breaks my heart to see.

There is clearly a favourite grandchild here. Cots and stuff? Other grandchild has nursery decked out fully already (by PIL) whereas DH and I are still saving up to buy second hand stuff from eBay.

gognok Thu 21-Feb-19 21:52:24

I would be fuming op even without the hormones. Does not sound fair on any level. X

Reallyevilmuffin Thu 21-Feb-19 21:55:52

I would be pissed. Can you do it in a non confrontational way, like walking into the stuff when visiting and being like 'wow there's so much stuff for the grandkids, you're amazing GP - how do you decide who gets what?'

hormonalcow Thu 21-Feb-19 22:04:38

@gognok thanks for the solidarity x

@Reallyevilmuffin cracking idea, thankfully all the stuff is still boxed up and at PILs' house due to BIL recently moving back in w the ex so could probably get away w doing that x

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