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Final days for Mum

(100 Posts)
Finfintytint Thu 21-Feb-19 20:31:20

I've posted on another thread a few months ago.
Mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer (aged 76 ) in the summer this year. She had surgery and then chemotherapy but it appears the chemotherapy caused a massive stroke ( not previously thought to be at risk of stroke- non smoker, non drinker, good exerciser, vegetarian, not overweight - generally very healthy). Still fucking off to sunnier climes on a whim!
She has been in decline on a ward in our local (failing) hospital for the last three months and is now in the last end of life stages. Maybe a few days and at best a week or so.
What should I expect?
I've been trying to get her to hospice for the last few days but am met with bureaucratic delays. Do the NHS think that she's a lost cause and she'll die anyway so let's no waste time?
Honest answers please.
I know nurses and doctors want the best possible outcome for patients but I feel mum is a bit of a bed blocker but at the same time they will do their best to keep her on ward if that's what's best for her.
Crappy situation and I don't know the answers or whether I even have any control. Should I try to move mum or not?

YoThePussy Thu 28-Feb-19 04:00:27

Another one saying so sorry OP. This is an awful time for you and your family. Lost my DM over two years ago to cancer and it was the most dreadful time, thankfully some of the more awful memories of those days have faded now.

I really hope you can get your DM somewhere nicer for her and your family. Treasure your last days with her, sadly they will feel all too short. My DM had a syringe driver which helped her greatly and slipped very quietly away. Not frightening at all just extremely peaceful.

Take care of yourself, sending my very first mumsnetty flowers

Finfintytint Sun 03-Mar-19 16:54:55

Thank you all so much for your kind words. Mum died over the weekend. We were all with her and she is now free from pain and distress. Xx

DramaAlpaca Sun 03-Mar-19 16:57:58

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you were all with her at the end & that she is now at peace. Sending love flowers

Amanduh Sun 03-Mar-19 16:59:20

Lots of love to you all flowers xxxxxxx

TidyDancer Sun 03-Mar-19 16:59:56

So very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you. thanks

twinnywinny14 Sun 03-Mar-19 17:09:39

Thinking of you, so sorry for your loss. Now she is free from pain and discomfort but yours is just beginning, take care of yourself and each other x

kazillionaire Sun 03-Mar-19 17:11:45

Thinking of you all xx

Amfeelingfline Sun 03-Mar-19 17:19:13

💐 I am really sorry about your loss, she was surrounded by those she loved and who loved her back. You did fantastically being there for her, not many people do it xxxx

beeyourself Sun 03-Mar-19 17:29:44

I'm so sorry.

ourkidmolly Sun 03-Mar-19 17:37:39

How lovely that you were there for her and she died with her family close by knowing she was loved. That's all anyone could ever ask for.

redastherose Sun 03-Mar-19 17:38:40

Sorry for your loss 💐

Finfintytint Sun 03-Mar-19 18:50:26

Feel privileged and fortunate to have been there at the end. Have attended so so many lonely and isolated deaths.

YoThePussy Sun 03-Mar-19 18:57:52

OP it is indeed a privilege to have been with your DM in her moments. I am so sorry however to read that this has occurred. You make sure you take good care of yourself now, tiring days and weeks ahead which you will need all your strength for.

Sparklesocks Sun 03-Mar-19 18:59:03

Love to you OP, thinking of you and your family ❤️ I’m glad you got to say goodbye xx

HaventGotAllDay Sun 03-Mar-19 19:00:41

Bless you and your family. flowers

MutantDisco Sun 03-Mar-19 19:08:57


Jacksback Sun 03-Mar-19 19:24:35

Sorry for your loss 💐

2018SoFarSoGreat Sun 03-Mar-19 20:06:15

Oh so sorry for your loss, but so glad you were able to be with her. Hope you get some time to recover now. This is such a hard loss 💐

Nothininmenoggin Tue 05-Mar-19 00:41:02

So sorry for your loss. Losing your Mum is devastating but I'm so glad you were there with her to say goodbye. Be kind to yourself in the next few weeks and months it's tough but the memories you have will see you get through it. flowers

Finfintytint Tue 05-Mar-19 17:32:44

Thank you. On a practical note. I want to keep mum’s house running until we decide to sell. I know that banks will usually allow money from her current account to pay for the funeral but I wondered about utility bills? Once the account is frozen do I need to take on the gas, electric etc or do banks allow the direct debits to continue. Due to see her solicitor later in the week so she will probably be able to assist but thought I’d ask.

alwaysdancing Tue 05-Mar-19 18:33:40

Yes, you (or someone else in the family) will need to have the bills transferred to your name and bank account - IME utility companies are generally good about dealing with this sensitively (except TV licensing who constantly hound ‘the householder’!). You (or your solicitor) can also inform the council, so that council tax can be suspended (they’ll refund any overpayment if it takes a while to do this), and don’t forget about insurance companies (e.g. home insurance and car insurance). Your solicitor should be able to help you with checking you’ve covered everything, although we also got a checklist when we registered the death (and from the funeral director, I think).

Take care of yourself flowers

Finfintytint Tue 05-Mar-19 18:42:17

Thank you Always, that’s really helpful to know.

Finfintytint Tue 05-Mar-19 19:27:25

This is so overwhelming. Mum lived frugally, shopping in charity shops and making do and mend. I had no idea she could have been sitting on a beach on the Algarve, sipping G and T and nibbling on lobster if she wanted. How odd.

YoThePussy Wed 06-Mar-19 16:12:38

Fin when my DM passed away the bank were happy for utility bills to be paid out of her frozen bank account. This continued until probate was granted. Well worth asking if this could be done.

GirlsBlouse17 Wed 06-Mar-19 16:23:04


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