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To be so flipping mad im only living half a fxxx life

(3 Posts)
JustmeandtheKIDS2 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:20:10

I really dont know where to bloody start.

My life has been a total mess for 3 years! My husband left me and our 2 children. He has since constantly been an absolute nightmare! We were married a long time, he was controlling and manipulative and became increasingly more abusive financially, emotionally and probably sexually. I think there has been a lot of cohesive control and i have been left very confused about the even basic things that went on when we were married.
So we have 2 young children, from pretty much day one i have had to involve a solicitor due to his unreasonable and unpredictable behaviour. I have a massive legal aid bill that i have to pay back as i own a house. Every part of the separation had to go through the solicitor and was drawn out and very difficult, resulting in 4 court cases. So the good thing is that its all pretty much been sorted!! My solicitor is baffled by his weird behaviour and said hes one of the oddest people she has ever met.
So moving forward even though there is a court order regarding him seeing the children, his need for control continues. I have to be careful what i write as i could be easily identifiable. He still tries to control everything, what the children eat at school, what they eat at my house, what they wear, he wont do homework, chastise me if they ever have to go to hospital or the drs, wont follow drs advise, even when i send him the drs notes, returns them to my house grubby. It is everything, his pure hatred towards me is very blatant.
Hes rude to teachers at school, calls my children's friends fat, gives other parents dirty looks in the play ground (several complaints made to the school by other parents). I have had to get cctv due to a pretty nasty incident at my house where he pooed in my porch (yes thats right) Of course at the time there was no def proof that it was him so police not really bothered. Anyhow i could go on and on and on!
I was exhausted enough at all of that and at trying my hardest to keep out young children out of the mix (he would tell them far too much, eg mummy called the police on me etc etc). I have tried to use the theory of going "Gray rock" with him. Which kind of worked to some degree.
Then to top that off social services and the police have been involved due to his behaviour regarding the children (nothing to do with me and cant say any more as confidential) They have invested the situation and come to a conclusion, he has been given strong advise regarding his behaviour. I have now got on my hands an even more angry and pent up man.
My life has been totally and utterly rail roaded by him over the years. I try my best not to let him get to me but i just carnt cut a break.
Im aware that hes abusive but he always narrowly misses getting a restraining order. His abusive towards me never quite amounts to what is needed. I am tired and fed up of it all. I live my life on high alert and i am aware that i am still being controlled by him. Anyone else been in such a long drawn out abusive situation after separation??? Feels as if no one ever really cares as long as the kids are ok.

Marlena1 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:38:20

You poor thing!! But it could be a lot worse, you could be still with him. Look at the positives; this isn't forever, you have two kids, and you seem to be coping well on your own (even though it's really hard).

JustmeandtheKIDS2 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:53:28

If i was honest i dont find being a single parent hard, i love being a parent and now im able to parent the way i want its even more enjoyable. I have a very supportive extended family and a good amount of friends (lost a few along the way, but hey ho)
But this constant drip drip of pressure of him is getting to me and to my family. I feel i would have had less hassle if i had stayed with him!! he even disputes the fact that he left me (and tells the kids that). I also have a good and for filling job.
Im just so so stuck and carnt see a way forward. It really does feel as if this shit will be forever!! So if its forever well whats the Fxxx point?? My kids mean the world to me and i would always battle through because of them, but what about me. I have built up a lot of resilience the last few years but his nastiness still controls my life. I have several friends who are divorced not one of them have had a separation and divorce like me. I know im feeling sorry for myself but iv truly had enough, i want a better life for me and the kids.

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