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Why does my stomach drop when possibly making plans

(25 Posts)
randomlygenorated Thu 21-Feb-19 19:00:13

I haven't worded the title very well but basically, this happened today and is like the perfect scenario of what happens to me

DP rang and said he'd spoken to friend and after a short backstory he said he'd got some tickets to a gig this weekend and did we all want to go, DP seemed keen and presented it in a way that I knew my reaction should have been 'that sounds awesome I can't wait'

For some reason though when he said it my stomach just dropped, it's happened before and an element of it is definitely the short notice aspect, but my instinct is to find any reason not to go and I don't know why! I like the people it is with, I do go to gigs sometimes although admittedly not as much now I'm older and usually only bands I really like but I can't put my finger on where the dread and panic comes from and it's frustrating! It's such a strong feeling I can't even pretend I want to do it so inevitably I look like an ungrateful cow and DP asked what was wrong etc and I just said nothing I cwas tired but it's pretty obvious my mood change when he said it. This is something that has happened many times in my life

I know I am bu really but I just wonder if anyone else feels like this and if they can shed any light on why!

category12 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:03:55

For me, it would be the surprise and the lack of choice as such - it's presented as a fait accompli: "this is what we're doing". I am not good with surprises.

Intohellbutstayingstrong Thu 21-Feb-19 19:04:15

Oh god yes.... this is me!!!!!

Whisky2014 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:05:37

Yep, I hate plans sprung on me.

SubparOwl Thu 21-Feb-19 19:06:30

Social anxiety?

speakout Thu 21-Feb-19 19:07:38

I simply couldn't be arsed going to a "gig" TBH.

Far too much hassle, travelling there, waiting in a queue, the crowds- the boredom if the performance doesn't live up to expectations, the struggle to get a taxi home/get out of the car park.

Maybe it's my age, but I would be washing my hair that night.

Bigonesmallone3 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:07:56

I think it's quite normal..
I know I'm like it.
I'm not a social butterfly, I can be, but I'd rather stay at home..

Aquamarine1029 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:18:48

It's just anxiety, the bastard. You get a rush of cortisol hormone and everything goes haywire. Tell your anxiety to fuck off and go away.

PowerhouseOfTheCell Thu 21-Feb-19 19:18:59

I'm the same OP I need at least 3-5 working days to process and fit an event into my 'routine' in my head. Even thinking about it now makes me nauseous.

AnyFucker Thu 21-Feb-19 19:20:30

I hate having changes of plans foisted on me unexpectedly

Creature of habit, me. I hate spontaneity, it drains me.

PeanuttyButter Thu 21-Feb-19 19:21:46

I could have easily written this

PikaPikaTink Thu 21-Feb-19 19:21:47

I have a friend like this. If you invite her to something she ignores you until just before the event which is fine unless it's a limited thing which means if you wait for her and she says no someone else could have come. I know it gives her anxiety.

On the other hand if she's not invited to things she gets upset. I'll read the replies to see if anyone has a way of tactfully dealing with this.

ALadyofLetters Thu 21-Feb-19 19:25:49

I’d feel the same. I hate spontaneity! If I was asked to go to a gig in a month then I’d be keen, a few days notice, no thanks.

Wearywithteens Thu 21-Feb-19 19:27:00

I’m the same - even if it’s something I would actually quite like. I think it’s hassle-factor (dressing up, taxis, cost, noise, crowds etc) when staying in with a pizza, pjs and Netflix is so much more appealing. Also if you have dc there is always a nagging worry about them so you never quite relax.

randomlygenorated Thu 21-Feb-19 19:28:23

I'm glad it's not just me, I feel like such a dick though because he sounded so excited like he thought he was giving me some food news and I just ruined it for him, he said we don't have to go in the end cos he could obviously tell I was not keen, I really just don't want to go but I don't want to be that person that ruins things for him because of some stupid feeling sad

category12 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:29:47

Just cos you're feeling like this doesn't mean you should give in to it. Tell him of course you'll go, and just do it.

Haffdonga Thu 21-Feb-19 19:29:49

social anxiety?

snoutandab0ut Thu 21-Feb-19 19:37:20

Two days notice is hardly spontenaity! Telling you at 4pm on a Saturday would be ‘springing it on you’. Agree with a PP though, the only way to conquer the anxiety if you want to is just to do it. But if you really don’t want to go just say you’re sorry and you don’t feel like it’s your thing

BitOfFun Thu 21-Feb-19 19:42:29

I think you may be suffering from the same age-related condition that afflicts me in my forties, where one's arse inexplicably welds itself to the sofa and all that can be done is to surround oneself with refreshments and the TV remote.

Des that sound familiar?

randomlygenorated Thu 21-Feb-19 19:46:50

I just told my DP exactly how it makes me feel, regardless of what it is it's not fair for him to know there's something wrong and not to tell him what it is

It's tomorrow night so quite short notice! I feel very conflicted over it all, in one sense my whole body is just telling me to not go, find a reason not to go, but on the other hand I don't want to just die an old woman whose avoided anything that makes me uncomfortable!

Looking back I can actually remember times when I've felt so strongly about not doing something I've argued with partners over something else and I know it's come from my fear of not wanting to do something but i suppose I didn't/don't really understand it myself so it's hard to explain it to someone else, obviously I just felt it was easier to be so much of a dick that we fight and then they go without me! confused

I can remember not long ago it happened for a family bbq, it was all planned no problems, then an hour before we were going my mum rang and said an old friend was coming as well and I totally panicked and just said we couldn't go!

So it does seem to be something around things being sprung on me 🤷🏻‍♀️

randomlygenorated Thu 21-Feb-19 19:47:38

Bitoffun- that sounds like my dream life! 😂

Not very exciting to tell the grand kids about though is it! 😂

Cuddlysnowleopard Thu 21-Feb-19 19:51:44

I'm the same. It's not social anxiety, as I love going out, socialising, parties, people generally. I just have a crazy panic if something is dropped on me that is unexpected, or breaks my routine.

My mum is far worse. I phone and say, " fancy coming over next Saturday?" She panics and says "no, no , that won't work. I might have to do something that day". Then two mins later she calls back "I meant, yes!" grin

QuentinWinters Thu 21-Feb-19 19:51:57

It depends if you think you will enjoy it once you get there, but if you definitely don't want to go why don't you just suggest he goes without you? Then you both can do what you like.

Bluffinwithmymuffin Thu 21-Feb-19 20:34:18

I think this can happen when you’re at a low ebb for whatever reason- over tired, anxious, insecure about something... The only thing I’d say is, push yourself to do some things, especially when it’s been organised by someone else and you know you’ll probably enjoy it and eventually it should get better

randomlygenorated Thu 21-Feb-19 21:57:08

I do go out and stuff to things I chose and plan, so I'm not a total social recluse or anything, I think it's maybe just a few factors mixed together cause me to feel like it!

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