Namechanged for obvious reasons, although I've only posted a few times before anyway.
I'm 36 and very much want to have children, but have been single for several years.
A few months ago I met someone while visiting friends abroad (in the US) and he recently came over to the UK to visit me. We'd been texting/skyping and at the time I genuinely thought it might go somewhere. However, after 5 days in close quarters it's clear we're not very compatible - nothing major wrong with him, we just didn't click really. We did have a lot of sex over the 5 days though and I've just taken a pregnancy test and got a positive result.
In the last couple of years I've considered whether I might eventually look at sperm donors and having a baby by myself, if I didn't meet anyone; plus I don't really want to be 40 and trying to conceive my first child. On the other hand it's a huge thing to attempt by yourself. My family are lovely but live in another part of the country. I have very kind caring friends nearby but most of them don't have kids yet either, and obviously a bit of help from friends is not the same as having a partner.
He is also in his 30s and already has a daughter, who lives near him with her mum and the mum's new partner. He pays child support for her. I don't think I would want to ask him for any money if I did have the baby. (And no idea whether you can make someone pay child support if they're outside of the UK anyway)
I've actually never had so much as a pregnancy scare before so never had to think about this seriously. I don't have any moral objection to terminations, and would quickly have had an abortion if I was much much younger, but I don't want to end a pregnancy when I really want a baby, and then not have this chance again. Obviously I'd rather have a baby with someone I loved, but I'd rather have one alone than not at all... I think?
I have a pretty decent job (small company though so not great maternity benefits) and I own my flat. However, I am intimidated by the costs of childcare if I had to work and take care of a baby. Haven't got to the point of figuring out how it would work financially, yet.
I'm just looking for any thoughts, esp from anyone who has been in a similar position. Is there anything I should consider that I might not have thought of yet?
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To keep a baby conceived during a short fling?
156 replies
cabalenica · 21/02/2019 17:34
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